The right to ctb to stop the torment with physical illness

[strangelife]

I lived perfectly for 40 years, but over the past 10 years there have been several episodes when I was ill for a month with strange neurological manifestations, it became difficult for me to stand and walk, and there were spinal injuries, but against the background of normal well-being, I suddenly felt bad and my legs hurt and my back. But now I have been struggling to get to the kitchen or toilet for 3 months, my legs are very tired. I was fully examined, had an MRI scan of all departments, doctors do not see the reasons for this condition, I was in the hospital for almost a month and to no avail, there is no diagnosis, what to do is not clear. There is no desire to live in such a state at all. I have already purchased SN, I gave myself a pause to monitor the dynamics.
I loved life and never thought about death, but now I clearly understand that life in this state will not suit me, and CTB turns out to be the only way to get rid of the pain that I am experiencing.
I no longer have the strength to endure and, most importantly, not to understand why and what will happen next.
I don't know how people with disabilities live, but I always thought I'd rather die than become disabled. Many are here because of a physical illness, how you struggle?

 

[FuneralCry]

The human body truly is something horrifying to me, I see it as a flesh prison and it disturbs me how there is no limit as to how much it can torment us. This is why it's unacceptable how assisted suicide isn't legalised everywhere, where I live it's not legalised for anyone at all which is beyond hellish.
But anyway I hope that you eventually find freedom from all the suffering, it sounds really torturous what you are going through.

 

[Raindancer]

I relate to a lot of that. I think the not knowing also plays a crucial role. I have much past resentment regarding my health issues as mostly I was pat on the head and shooed out the door. It took almost 15 years for my autoimmune disease to be diagnosed and was even right in front of them on a test result but completely over looked. Since it was missed for so long I will never go into remission and the damage to my body has been extensive. When everything is taken from you because of something you literally had no part or choice in, it can really mess you up. The daily struggle is exhausting. I pray you get a diagnosis so at least you can look at all the options you would have and know the whole picture of what is going on. Not knowing is so frustrating.

 

[strangelife]

I relate to a lot of that. I think the not knowing also plays a crucial role. I have much past resentment regarding my health issues as mostly I was pat on the head and shooed out the door. It took almost 15 years for my autoimmune disease to be diagnosed and was even right in front of them on a test result but completely over looked. Since it was missed for so long I will never go into remission and the damage to my body has been extensive. When everything is taken from you because of something you literally had no part or choice in, it can really mess you up. The daily struggle is exhausting. I pray you get a diagnosis so at least you can look at all the options you would have and know the whole picture of what is going on. Not knowing is so frustrating.

You are very right. If my condition had returned to normal now, I would have tried to spend my life as interesting and mentally as possible. But there is absolutely no desire to live as it is now. It seems to me that 40 years is only the beginning of life and so much may still be ahead, but unfortunately if this disease does not go away, then there is nothing ahead. That's how life can completely change in a few months, and it's a shame.

The human body truly is something horrifying to me, I see it as a flesh prison and it disturbs me how there is no limit as to how much it can torment us. This is why it's unacceptable how assisted suicide isn't legalised everywhere, where I live it's not legalised for anyone at all which is beyond hellish.
But anyway I hope that you eventually find freedom from all the suffering, it sounds really torturous what you are going through.

I thought about AS, only when you find yourself in such a situation do you begin to understand people who want to end their lives, because a life of torment is the most terrible thing. AS should be accessible to people whose illnesses are no longer curable and they have lost interest in life

 

[J&L383]

Life - living in a human body - with all its complexities, is very precarious. It's amazing to me that it works as well as it does as long as it does for many people. But when it fails, it's incredibly discouraging. And the human will to survive always amazes me, even with people who are dying painful deaths, they still seem to want to live to the end. But that's not for everyone. I hope you find peace. You are certainly not alone in your struggles.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Honestly, I find it utterly barbaric that people aren't allowed a dignified, peaceful exit when they are suffering from extreme pain.

I think they like to make the argument that pain can be managed with modern medicine but, I don't think that's always the case. Pain medication is often highly addictive and the body builds up a tolerance to it. Plenty of people out there are living in pain. Not only that though. Their conditions may be so bad that it severley hampers their quality of life.

We don't allow our pets to suffer like that. We call euthanasia the 'kindest thing to do' in that situation. Why doesn't that sympathy extend to our fellow kind? Our pets don't even get to decide! How many of them would actually choose to live? Some would- I bet. Animals struggle on with all sorts. So- it's murder and that's the 'kind' thing to do in their case. We decide that their lives aren't worth living anymore. But- you get a human being who can vocalise how shit their lives are. How much pain they're in. How all the treatments haven't worked. How they long for death every minute and- they get ignored!

Asides from religion, I really see no reason as to why VAD isn't available to people in chronic, treatment resistant pain- as a bare minimum. You have to wonder if it is primarily religion stopping it.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm sorry. I also developed a neurological ailment out of the blue that defied understanding. While it is only a shadow of what it was at its peak, it's still physically irksome and psychologically unbearable. It will be 10 years the first week of April since its onset. I had no business living a week with it let alone a decade and I cannot go any further.

 

[strangelife]

I'm sorry. I also developed a neurological ailment out of the blue that defied understanding. While it is only a shadow of what it was at its peak, it's still physically irksome and psychologically unbearable. It will be 10 years the first week of April since its onset. I had no business living a week with it let alone a decade and I cannot go any further.

I'm sorry, now you realize that you've been living with this for 10 years in vain, or don't you regret it? Can't they diagnose you either?

 

[Raindancer]

You are very right. If my condition had returned to normal now, I would have tried to spend my life as interesting and mentally as possible. But there is absolutely no desire to live as it is now. It seems to me that 40 years is only the beginning of life and so much may still be ahead, but unfortunately if this disease does not go away, then there is nothing ahead. That's how life can completely change in a few months, and it's a shame.

So very true. I had a career I loved and was excelling in. It was very physical so even though I tried for years to make it work somehow, I had to completely give it up. So few understand how easily everything can be gone and what it does not just physically but emotionally and mentally. Add now the complete disaster most health care systems are and you don't have an environment conducive to recovery. I now suffer Mptsd for how I have been treated in the medical system.

 

[Kta1994]

I cant even begin to tell you how much Drs have been useless to me and sometimes made things worse and i was left to do all the research to figure what to do about my health and i made it worse too so its a no win situation, i cant wait to ctb.