The Right Moment

[empty sighs]

Well. Everyday that I get up I wish I was dead and yet I feel I should wait for some reason though I don't know why. I go through work everyday by telling myself I'll end it all when I get home, but by the time I'm laying in bed I'm so tired I kind of just sit there. And don't kill myself. I'm not sure what's wrong with me.. Maybe I don't really want to kill myself, but if that was the case I don't know why I have these thoughts all the time. I guess part of it is that I'm not sure it'll work anyways because I'm incompetent, and the other part is I'm just unmotivated I guess. I think a part of me is still hoping life gets better somehow despite the evidence to the contrary and my slowly deteriorating state of mind. Somethings get better, but somethings stay the same, and somethings get worse. My memory is pretty shit more than the people around me know.. I guess this is some sort of side effect of depression. My paranoia's getting worse I think. Though I've always been pretty insane thinking this in that about what other people are thinking and doing.. I don't really want to live like this where I slowly deteriorate into nothing. Though some people say that things will get better. I'm not sure. It just feels terrible pouring myself into being alive, going up the stairs and closing my eyes in the pain. I'm not sure what matters anymore, I think nothing does. God.. Well.. I've looked into finding meaning in stuff not having meaning but it doesn't seem to help me much in my quest for finding a point in something so seemingly pointless. Absurdism, optimistic nihilism. Or when you ask others about why gives their life meaning: kayaking, procreation, etc.. None of it really sounds like anything that would give my life purpose. Pointless pain and little joy. Oh well I guess. Anyone have any advice or thoughts?

 

[Sick of it all]

Well. Everyday that I get up I wish I was dead and yet I feel I should wait for some reason though I don't know why. I go through work everyday by telling myself I'll end it all when I get home, but by the time I'm laying in bed I'm so tired I kind of just sit there. And don't kill myself. I'm not sure what's wrong with me.. Maybe I don't really want to kill myself, but if that was the case I don't know why I have these thoughts all the time. I guess part of it is that I'm not sure it'll work anyways because I'm incompetent, and the other part is I'm just unmotivated I guess. I think a part of me is still hoping life gets better somehow despite the evidence to the contrary and my slowly deteriorating state of mind. Somethings get better, but somethings stay the same, and somethings get worse. My memory is pretty shit more than the people around me know.. I guess this is some sort of side effect of depression. My paranoia's getting worse I think. Though I've always been pretty insane thinking this in that about what other people are thinking and doing.. I don't really want to live like this where I slowly deteriorate into nothing. Though some people say that things will get better. I'm not sure. It just feels terrible pouring myself into being alive, going up the stairs and closing my eyes in the pain. I'm not sure what matters anymore, I think nothing does. God.. Well.. I've looked into finding meaning in stuff not having meaning but it doesn't seem to help me much in my quest for finding a point in something so seemingly pointless. Absurdism, optimistic nihilism. Or when you ask others about why gives their life meaning: kayaking, procreation, etc.. None of it really sounds like anything that would give my life purpose. Pointless pain and little joy. Oh well I guess. Anyone have any advice or thoughts?

I think you said it exactly like I feel.

 

[empty sighs]

I think you said it exactly like I feel.

I'm sorry you've been feeling so terribly as of late. I know people say this sort of thing a lot, but I really wish no one had to go through this stuff. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in it though I suppose.

 

[Sick of it all]

I'm sorry you've been feeling so terribly as of late. I know people say this sort of thing a lot, but I really wish no one had to go through this stuff. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in it though I suppose.

I appreciate that. The sentiments are same for you and yours.

You are far from alone. If you ever need an ear, hit me up. I know I'll be around for at least 6 months. Gotta get my shit straight for this misery of a life.

 

[empty sighs]

I appreciate that. The sentiments are same for you and yours.

You are far from alone. If you ever need an ear, hit me up. I know I'll be around for at least 6 months. Gotta get my shit straight for this misery of a life.

Thank you. You're very kind.

 

[Sick of it all]

Thank you. You're very kind.

I find a lot of kindness here. I just ignore the not-so-kind things. I have yet to have run into many of them.

 

[melodrama]

I think I understand how you feel. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really suicidal, or just a lazy melancholic. The desire to die is with me 24 hours a day, but I keep holding on to this world. Maybe I deserve a life of suffering instead of the peace of nonexistence.

Well, that's kinda pessimistic, but I know there is a possibility that things will get better too. I hope you find some strength to face day after day. I wish I had a advice to give, but I really don't... Maybe one day we will realize what is best for ourselves.

 

[makethepainstop]

No need can know what is best for another. The only one in the universe who knows that is the one who is suffering. Much love to you.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide isn't easy after all. I do think that it can require lots of energy even to leave this world, well at least it does to me. I understand having the fear of failing the method. But eventually death will come for us all, no matter what which is the one comforting thing for me. It sounds ideal to be forgotten.

I think that if someone tries to find a meaning in life then they won't find anything. Life is all for the sake of it and we all endure life all for no purpose. All that humans do is just pass the time until they finally die. I agree that life is just pointless pain and I personally see no benefit to being here.
I wish you peace.