the reality of it all is hitting me

[dolphin]

I received my N a couple of days ago and I was happy ... I feel scared all of a sudden. I am horrified that I am this close to death but at the same time I know I have no other option ... feel disturbed by what is going to come after. I hope it's just like going to sleep.

 

[tomz323]

That's what I hope too friend.

 

[Darkhaven]

Try to hold on to it for a while longer.
The process of ending one's life should not be rushed.
I ve heard of people that got N, rushed to drink it but after opening the bottles could not get it down.
We tend to underestimate the process of death by poisoning/ barbiturate but the act itself, in regards to the effects is the same as shooting yourself with a gun.
I would just hide it (outside of your house if possible) for sometime(in case police comes knocking on your door) and ponder everything for some days.
You already did the hardest: getting it, there is no need to rush it. It even has a good shelf life i hear.

 

[First loss]

Try to hold on to it for a while longer.
The process of ending one's life should not be rushed.
I ve heard of people that got N, rushed to drink it but after opening the bottles could not get it down.
We tend to underestimate the process of death by poisoning/ barbiturate but the act itself, in regards to the effects is the same as shooting yourself with a gun.
I would just hide it (outside of your house if possible) for sometime(in case police comes knocking on your door) and ponder everything for some days.
You already did the hardest: getting it, there is no need to rush it. It even has a good shelf life i hear.

This. Don't rush. Think things over a bit. You already have the means. Now be 100% sure that's the way you want to go.

 

[not_a_robot]

I received my N a couple of days ago and I was happy ... I feel scared all of a sudden. I am horrified that I am this close to death but at the same time I know I have no other option ... feel disturbed by what is going to come after. I hope it's just like going to sleep.

It's natural to get the jitters, I get them every time, lol (still here).
Take your time. You can go whenever you're ready.
Best wishes, either way.

 

[dolphin]

It's natural to get the jitters, I get them every time, lol (still here).
Take your time. You can go whenever you're ready.
Best wishes, either way.

Thank you.

Try to hold on to it for a while longer.
The process of ending one's life should not be rushed.
I ve heard of people that got N, rushed to drink it but after opening the bottles could not get it down.
We tend to underestimate the process of death by poisoning/ barbiturate but the act itself, in regards to the effects is the same as shooting yourself with a gun.
I would just hide it (outside of your house if possible) for sometime(in case police comes knocking on your door) and ponder everything for some days.
You already did the hardest: getting it, there is no need to rush it. It even has a good shelf life i hear.

I'm pretty certain of my decision. I am just very scared. Still, I'm not planning on taking it for over a month.

 

[Darkhaven]

I'm pretty certain of my decision. I am just very scared. Still, I'm not planning on taking it for over a month.
[/QUOTE]

Of course you are, i think even the bravest person in the world would be, even if they don't show it.
Your decision is yours alone and everyone should respect it.
With that being said, i think you waiting a month of is a very good idea.
It's always better to do things while mentally prepared and with clearance of thought.

 

[Shamana]

I received my N a couple of days ago and I was happy ... I feel scared all of a sudden. I am horrified that I am this close to death but at the same time I know I have no other option ... feel disturbed by what is going to come after. I hope it's just like going to sleep.

Since you have the product thus the method cant you just rest with that and wait? There is no need to kill yourself asap or at all.

 

[JoeFailure]

It's hitting me too and I haven't even gotten supplies yet. Just knowing that there's no way out of my situation and that this is an eventuality has me in heart-pounding anxiety all the time.

 

[dolphin]

Since you have the product thus the method cant you just rest with that and wait? There is no need to kill yourself asap or at all.

Well there is obviously a need to kill myself, otherwise why would I have ordered it in the first place?

 

[Shamana]

Well there is obviously a need to kill myself, otherwise why would I have ordered it in the first place?

Im sorry for saying that. I know nothing about your situation.

 

[Jean Améry]

I received my N a couple of days ago and I was happy ... I feel scared all of a sudden. I am horrified that I am this close to death but at the same time I know I have no other option ... feel disturbed by what is going to come after. I hope it's just like going to sleep.

You obviously don't need to be close to death if you don't want to be. Don't do anything if you're not sure.

 

[Final Escape]

I hope I don't reincarnate into the exact same situation. Not that I would ever know. We don't remember being here b4 we were born. It will likely be like u were never alive. Some people appear to have memories of past lives though that might be some bullshit they made up to get attention lol!

 

[Shamana]

Well there is obviously a need to kill myself, otherwise why would I have ordered it in the first place?

What i meant is you dont need to pressure yourself to commit suicide. Since you have N you can literally do it whenever you want to.

 

[dolphin]

Im sorry for saying that. I know nothing about your situation.

It's ok. I appreciate that everyone is encouraging me to think things through. A perfect example of why this website is a supportive place, not a forum where everyone just blatantly encourages suicide.

 

[Partial-Elf]

I had a similar experience while experimenting with hanging (my method of choice). I was pretty intellectually and emotionally comfortable with ctb, then very nearly died accidentally while practicing. Stood up to take the noose off after twelve or thirteen seconds and almost blacked out while standing and struggled to remove the noose because my hands felt stupid and unusable. It was a bit of a reality check how close I was to genuinely dying at the moment and it made things much more real where they'd previously been abstract. In that moment I was like SHIT I'm not ready to do that. But I keep finding myself back in that same spot, ready to just fucking get it over with. Just wish people would understand–it's frustrating that no one irl even vaguely gets it. This whole being suicidal thing is very isolating. I would have no problem going through with it or pushing past survival instinct–I just know how people will be hurt when I go and that has stopped me for years

 

[Dead beat dad]

I received my N a couple of days ago and I was happy ... I feel scared all of a sudden. I am horrified that I am this close to death but at the same time I know I have no other option ... feel disturbed by what is going to come after. I hope it's just like going to sleep.

I'm sorry you're in this place friend.
If you're frightened you don't have to do anything. Give it another day, week, year; see how you feel. The end is the end, hopefully you'll find peace, but if you rush to judgement without full reconciliation you may do something you regret that cannot be reversed.
Good luck
DBD

 

[Grief]

I don't know your circumstances, but there is always more than one option to address an issue, concern, or problem. You seem to have a lot of trepidations about going through with the permanence of suicide. Maybe talk to a trusted, sympathetic person with some good life experience and problem solving skills to explore the options?

 

[LifeIsNotFun]

Thank you.


I'm pretty certain of my decision. I am just very scared. Still, I'm not planning on taking it for over a month.

Being scared is a natural response, and don't be. Whatever decision you make I will respect it, and you are loved on this board. In regards to N, what anti-emetics will you be taking?