I'm back and this has all been some pretty great stuff.
For example, those with borderline personality disorder find that they will experience great change if they enter into a good relationship with a caring, supportive person on top of psychological treatment.
If I feel like this type of relationship is the only way to save me, does this mean I might have BPD? I'm honestly kind of scared to find out if this is the case for me even if it would explain a lot.
That said, people still can't save you. They can't switch something in your head to feel differently. You have to do the work - if there realistically is any work that can be done and if you want it - to change yourself (for the better).
People pushing you away and telling you you have to work on yourself is a tactic. It's mostly a sign that they can't deal with whatever burden you are carrying but noone wants to say to a person suffering that they are overwhelmed and don't even know how to help. So they say "see a professional" or "work on yourself" or "it's going to be better" as a get free out of jail card because they don't know how to help you and they also don't really want to live through your pain.
I honestly do believe that to recover, one needs both - one has to want to get better and work on it (as we know from many people on this forum, no amount of love will stop you if you are determined to ctb) and there have to be people who see this, appreciate this and support you on the way (even though it's uncomfortable, even though it's no straight line, even though they have to empathize with you).
Our mental health systems fail miserably in providing this. No amount of medication and meditation can solve deep psychological issues.
I was afraid of this kind of answer too, because it just feels like I'm stuck. I don't want to change because I don't have anyone I want to change for and yet I still want to have someone I want to change for and yet no such person has revealed themselves. Oh there's someone I like but it seems I'm still too stubborn to lock in recovery until they decide to like me back which they probably won't especially if I don't change but even if I do there's still no guarantee it would work and then I'd probably just change back out of spite. You're right that I don't feel like medication would be of any help to me though.
The last paragraph of your post stings. That's a pretty fresh wound for me for me still. I haven't been the nicest person ever. When I got older, my trauma came with me, so there was a lot of baggage I had to go through. I had been insufferable. Years passed since realizing that, I have made concerted efforts to try and work out all of my problems. I cut out all that people say is bad and incorrect, like having expectations of my friends I would have for them, ect. And yet, for me, I don't even know if I feel like I am person anymore rather than just some entity who posses painful memories. I feel subhuman. I fear every time an interaction goes bad between a friend or loved one like it's a life or death situation even though I'm trying my hardest to be the nicest, tolerant, and soft spoken person I can be. It's who I want to present to the world. It's whole I want to be. But things keep happening, I find out people hate me over things I have no knowledge of? I am confused - what is all this work for? What is this accomplishment? I've become a doormat now that people can't respect and love to use, apparently.
I'm sorry to have cut into your wounds a bit. It sucks when the people who claim they care were only doing so because you may have initially presented yourself as easy to deal with and not a difficult person to be around. I've done the same and the only thing that's helped is knowing they don't care which means my death won't affect them as much as they think it will.
I think that the world needs to change. I think that society and capitalism are a big factor in causing depression and suicide. Once you become an adult, you become a slave to the system for the rest of your life. You have to work away 50-60 years of your life just to afford to survive. If life wasn't just about survival, then people wouldn't be so depressed and suicidal. Unfortunately, this is too idealistic and a utopia is unlikely. The reality is that the human condition is one of slavery.
In cases like mine, I don't think even abolishing capitalism or competition would really do much for me. I'll probably be even lonelier in that regard because if it weren't for capitalism I wouldn't even have met my crush. Maybe that is the problem though but I think if say tomorrow none of us had to work anymore she'd probably still leave me in the dust forever yearning and longing. Even without capitalism we'd still be slaves to our own instincts which in turn would probably end up just creating some new system that resembles capitalism anyway with people trying their best to only meet their own needs.
No one can change their own nature, but they can change how is expressed due to individual experiences. Those "adaptations" starts when an event altered what you think is the best way to show who you are, yet you do so subconsciously and others have no direct influence on that.
Are you referring to "canon events" like in the latest Spider-Verse movie? I think there is a lot that can be said about how certain life-changing events can, well, change one's life though whenever something like that does happen to me, like the panic attack I had on Monday, it doesn't make me want to be better, only worse. Is there a way to change that? How can I fix what I would rather leave unfixable? It's like I don't want to let these events change me for the better because that would be encouraging fate or whoever's in charge to just keep sending them towards me. I'd rather let tragedies ruin me in an effort to keep them from happening again if that makes sense.
it depends on the person and their individual circumstances.
me personally, i have
zero desire to change. id be perfectly "content" with doing drugs until i kms. and yet here i am almost 24hrs since my last joint trying to live, for someone else. if it was completely left up to me without an outside influence, it wouldnt even cross my mind and i probably would have been dead years ago. but having him....i care about him more than i do myself.
i think its bs to have the blanket statement "you have to want it" because i dont, and yet still ive changed, yet still im trying.
(it is a bit complex having the constant thoughts of "kill yourself" but its for him
)
That's another good point is that in many ways, people change in ways they aren't even aware of or in ways they had no intention of doing. If only there was a way to unlock this power and utilize it to gain exactly what I want.
I think rather than have to put in any work or effort I'd instead want to just CTB. It seems so much easier and what point does recovery even truly have if there's no other way to guarantee that nothing even remotely bad will ever happen ever again?
When people say that change comes from within, I think they just mean that you have to want to change. But again, no one can force themselves to want something or not. It's misleading to say that as if to imply that if one simply looks within oneself then change can be induced.
What do you suggest if someone finds it impossible to want to change but still needs to even though it only happens when it's wanted and not needed?
