For me that fear of death is the root cause of our current Corona politics - and leads us from one lock down into the next. My life - yes, my whole existence - was based on my abillity to travel freely. I work in a profession, that is so stressful, that it can make even a healthy person get depressed. Yet genetic depression runs heavy and deep in my familly.
So I used to "medicate" myself with travels to pleasant places, after each year of stress and despair. I used to pride myself on the careful planning of my life. On the skills of a "have laptop will travel" jack of my trade.
Then came the 11th of September, the real estate crash and the banking crisis. Travelling the world turned into an obstacle run, and then my best friends started dieing away one by one. Finally Corona came and I found myself with no money and no job prospect in lockdown for over a year. I looked in the mirror and I saw an old man, with no more future left.
I earned most of my money back now, but the next lockdown is already starring me in the face. I feel the grip of old age and can find no answer to that one question: "Why should I go on fighting? What is there left for me?"
I know the answers I would get from family and the few friends I got left. But they don't have to live my life. If we go into another lockdown, then I will go into my final exit.
I fear neither pain nor death, for they have been a part of my life since I saw my father rot away, one limb at a time. I was 6 years old back then, and those were my "easy days" in life.
To fight for bare knuckel survival is as normal as breathing for me. But to fight if there is nothing left to win? Why? Because society says so? Because my relatives might feel incensed by my decision?
I don't care about their agony and I accept the fact that that is utterly selfish. But its *my* life and *my* judgement call to make. Fear of death makes no one immortal.