Venting The pointless, lonely nights

[Daft-Bear]

It's nights like this where I stare into the abyss. I look at the success of others, and I feel a deep insecurity that I have failed somehow. My life has amounted to nothing, I'm not successful enough, I'm not attractive enough… I will die with no love, all alone. I age day by dying day, the same routine, the same pointlessness. I can't even pinpoint why I carry on. I post into the internet wondering if anyone even hears me, but it is in vain. There's no one really there. This nightmare will be here again tomorrow. Nothing will change. WORK, WoRk, work… busy busy busy… tick tock, tick tock…

This is the life I did not ask for…

There's nothing for me here.

 

[Kadaver]

Exactly how I feel. Whats the point to anything we do? We work just so we can survive and most jobs are miserable. So we work our miserable jobs and then come home to only feel more misery. My dad keeps telling me to think about my future but there's nothing for me there to be excited about. Only more monotony and pain.

 

[Daft-Bear]

Exactly how I feel. Whats the point to anything we do? We work just so we can survive and most jobs are miserable. So we work our miserable jobs and then come home to only feel more misery. My dad keeps telling me to think about my future but there's nothing for me there to be excited about. Only more monotony and pain.

I spent so much time thinking I could beat this, but I'm failing. I just don't see the point in any of this. If I carry on, what does it amount to. Relationships have generally been the things that keep me stable, but it's been a while since I could really trust someone. That AFI song keeps playing in my head, the boy who destroyed the world. My innocence was lost somewhere along the way, and I wish I could still see the world that way, but it was taken from me and I can't go back. The joy of life is gone, and I just want a hug…

But no one is coming to save me, my life unfolded in such a way where I am perpetually saving others. I just don't want to wake up, and I can't think straight right now. Bad night.

 

[Kadaver]

I spent so much time thinking I could beat this, but I'm failing. I just don't see the point in any of this. If I carry on, what does it amount to. Relationships have generally been the things that keep me stable, but it's been a while since I could really trust someone. That AFI song keeps playing in my head, the boy who destroyed the world. My innocence was lost somewhere along the way, and I wish I could still see the world that way, but it was taken from me and I can't go back. The joy of life is gone, and I just want a hug…

But no one is coming to save me, my life unfolded in such a way where I am perpetually saving others. I just don't want to wake up, and I can't think straight right now. Bad night.

Me too. Convinced myself that everyone was right; it would get better. But it doesn't. All it did was get worse. My dysphoria feels like a cage; it stops me from even trying to do anything productive. There's just no point if I have to live my life feeling like this. I want a partner too but either they don't like me back or the very rare times they do it feels wrong to engage in because of my dysphoria. My life is pointless. I am a burden to everyone around me and they would all be happier if I were gone, even if they'll never admit it I know its true.

 

[Daft-Bear]

Me too. Convinced myself that everyone was right; it would get better. But it doesn't. All it did was get worse. My dysphoria feels like a cage; it stops me from even trying to do anything productive. There's just no point if I have to live my life feeling like this. I want a partner too but either they don't like me back or the very rare times they do it feels wrong to engage in because of my dysphoria. My life is pointless. I am a burden to everyone around me and they would all be happier if I were gone, even if they'll never admit it I know it's true.

It feels like it never gets better, I spend to much time alone… but I recognize that I keep other people stable… I'm torn from helping people in their lives at the expense of myself… I'd be horrified to know the reasons for this, and Freud would have a field day…

I have had good relationships, but I did not recognize it properly and destroyed it. A feeling that I'm undeserving of happiness plagues my unconsciousness. I have self destructed over and over again. I don't know if you can relate to knowing your keeping other people sane while you yourself are losing it… but that's where I am… I have begun to lose my sanity by exposure to actual insanity… why I choice this path is a mystery to me.

Hopefully I'm making sense, but if not thanks for listening to my ramblings.

 

[Kadaver]

It feels like it never gets better, I spend to much time alone… but I recognize that I keep other people stable… I'm torn from helping people in their lives at the expense of myself… I'd be horrified to know the reasons for this, and Freud would have a field day…

I have had good relationships, but I did not recognize it properly and destroyed it. A feeling that I'm undeserving of happiness plagues my unconsciousness. I have self destructed over and over again. I don't know if you can relate to knowing your keeping other people sane while you yourself are losing it… but that's where I am… I have begun to lose my sanity by exposure to actual insanity… why I choice this path is a mystery to me.

Hopefully I'm making sense, but if not thanks for listening to my ramblings.

I totally get it. When my best friend needed me most I was on a plane by the end of the week to be there for him. Then when I hit rock bottom and needed him most he threw me out and borderline stopped talking to me. I know I did things wrong, i fucked up a ton, but he fucked up too and he doesn't even care to hear my side of things. His feelings are the only ones that matter.