Discussion The philosophy behind holding onto SN

[Adûnâi]

I've just discovered that a bottle of SN gets sold here in the Ukraine for 60 UAH. That's 2 EUR. Intranational shipping, too. Blew my mind. Why would people get conscripted to fuck each other's corpses for the laughter of the rich clique if "emigration" is that easy lmao?

But I digress. The idea of having a suicide way at the ready is so absolutely novel to me, I never even considered it. It would probably feel like the tantalising whispers of the One Ring? There are way too many annoying things to life for me to have any hope in the strength of my will, lmao.

Is it prudent to have it available?

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I've just discovered that a bottle of SN gets sold here in the Ukraine for 60 UAH. That's 2 EUR. Intranational shipping, too. Blew my mind. Why would people get conscripted to fuck each other's corpses for the laughter of the rich clique if "emigration" is that easy lmao?

But I digress. The idea of having a suicide way at the ready is so absolutely novel to me, I never even considered it. It would probably feel like the tantalising whispers of the One Ring? There are way too many annoying things to life for me to have any hope in the strength of my will, lmao.

Is it prudent to have it available?

The power of the one Ring or the infinity gauntlet

 

[Deleted member 65988]

The idea of having a suicide way at the ready is so absolutely novel to me, I never even considered it. It would probably feel like the tantalising whispers of the One Ring? There are way too many annoying things to life for me to have any hope in the strength of my will, lmao.

It's definitely a way of taking control in some sense. For some, it's a source of comfort even if for others, they go ahead and use it impulsively even if there's a regimen to adhere to first before going into it.

 

[Adûnâi]

It's definitely a way of taking control in some sense. For some, it's a source of comfort even if for others, they go ahead and use it impulsively even if there's a regimen to adhere to first before going into it.

Yeah, need to fast and pray for a few days beforehand. Although considering how degen my lifestyle is, I barely eat once a day, just rotting all the time.

(The biggest hurdle is getting an anti-emetic)

Wait, wtf, Metoclopramide goes for 0.6 EUR in the Ukraine??? Is this my privilege, living in the most suicide-accessible country? Why do boys get drafted if suicide is so easy then?

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Wait, wtf, Metoclopramide goes for 0.6 EUR in the Ukraine??? Is this my privilege, living in the most suicide-accessible country? Why do boys get drafted if suicide is so easy then?

Well considering it is that cheap then that's something good in your case.

 

[jar-baby]

[George] Sterling carried a vial of cyanide for many years. When asked about it he said, "A prison becomes a home if you have the key".

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Yeah ever since you told me about this quote, it's becomes more apparent how true it is. @jar-baby

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe a lot of people find it relieving just to have the option of a reliable method by their side, they feel less trapped here as a result. I see those who can easily access SN as being fortunate as it sounds like a reliable method to me.

 

[darkwater]

Wait, wtf, Metoclopramide goes for 0.6 EUR in the Ukraine??? Is this my privilege, living in the most suicide-accessible country? Why do boys get drafted if suicide is so easy then?

because they want to life
btw: can you also buy benzos in UA?

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

[George] Sterling carried a vial of cyanide for many years. When asked about it he said, "A prison becomes a home if you have the key".

This is exactly how they made life and this world a prison, because they have taken away the key and locked the door . so we don't have a guaranteed way to leave life / existence and this world . they made it a prison. this is another reason for me to kill myself because it is a prison. we are not free . we don't have a choice. a real choice to leave would be a guranteed or at least a 99.99% guranteed method to leave . so all humans have no way to move away from extreme suffering , unbearable pain , a torture trap .

We are all prisoners slaves . We don't have at least a 99.99% reliable way to move away from suffering or to escape. we have no choice

They repeatedly say suicide is easy and we have a choice. no that's not a choice . a choice is an easy cheap method that is at least 99.99% reliable. they banned nembutal and assisted suicide. they made it as difficult as possible to commit suicide and move away from suffering escape this life and evil world. all people have is brutal risky methods and no guarantee of not remaining alive worse off .

This the most important right a human has the right to move away from suffering pain torture . So we are all prisoners and slaves kidnap torture victims. How is this different from a gang kidnapping a human and torturing them in a basement room and keeping them prisoner there? so they leave food there .And of course the human eats the food because of hunger and desire for food. so the human derives pleasure from food. so then all the prolifers say he got pleasure from eating that tasty food life is good it's his choice to be there he is free . but then lets say the torture hasn't started yet. then they begin tortures . The torture is many times worse bad than the food pleasure is good. then the victim decides well this pain torture is too bad ( a suicidal person) i want to leave this room . but they can't cause it's locked ( no 99.99% at least reliable method to escape) so the person has to endure the torture. then the tortureres leave more food and drink and of course the victim is very hungry so eats the food. then they tell a prolifer or other on the phone I'm suffering tremendously i want to leave . the prolifer says but life is so good you get the pleasure of eating suffering is part of life you have to accept suffering. the victim says but you don't know how bad this pain is you are not me the food and videos they have are not worth it by a long shot why have you banned a 99.99% method to escape this is an evil prison you are evil there is no reason for me to stay in this room and watch stupid click bait "pleasurable videos" and get the pleasure of food when the torture and the prison situation is much worse and makes all that meaningless.

 

[RasinBoxECT]

For me it's about being prepared to leave when I'm ready. I've got to stick around for a bit longer but I figured it doesn't hurt to have my way out at the ready when I'm all done with everything. When I am ready to go I won't have to worry about sourcing and shipping times because it's already here.

 

[Angel of Spades]

As many members have already contributed, a big part of it is having it on hand, so there's a sense of relief at always having the option. I think another aspect of it is that you never feel like you'll be caught off guard.

I actually think that just having the option at your disposal can even help some people last longer, because they may try to fight a little bit harder and a little bit longer since they already know they'll have a peaceful way out of the battle.

 

[The Final Solution]

Can confirm from personal experience that having SN at hand took a heavy load off my brain. If you were from anywhere else in the world I would worry about the restriction of SN purchases in the foreseeable future, but not really with the way things are going over in Ukraine right now - other priorities and all that. I would still buy it ASAP if I were you, though. As you've already noted, it's the most solid weapon against conscription there is.

As for the "tantalizing whispers" of the void - I wouldn't worry about it. SI is good at its job. Sometimes too good. Rest assured, you won't be catching the bus by accident just because the stop is nearby.

 

[Adûnâi]

but not really with the way things are going over in Ukraine right now - other priorities and all that. I would still buy it ASAP if I were you

A sound point, of course. Even though I wouldn't put it past the Ukrainians - they are literally trying to legalise weed and LGBT amidst the war just to parrot America. Although that's true that 90% is lost in translation.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Guess it depends on your view of life- are you 100% sure you want to CTB and does it matter to you when you do it? And- what are you like with impulse control? If someone is uncertain whether they want to CTB. If they still feel like there's stuff they want to do in life and if they tend to react impulsively- I can understand why they would be wary of buying and storing it. Plus- as a method- SN isn't a good one to do impulsively. It's best to follow the protocol and fast, take antiemetics etc. A fair number of people have failed impulsive attempts.

Personally- I felt strong enough to know that I can only CTB after certain things have happened. I want to wait for my Dad to go first. After that- I reckon ASAP is my best bet- if I have the guts. But- seeing as it looked likely SN would become restricted, I bought mine a year ago. I'm glad too. It was from IC- now taken down and now- it's very difficult to get in the UK by the sounds of it. For me, I'm glad I have it. That still doesn't reduce the fear of using it of course!

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Plus- as a method- SN isn't a good one to do impulsively. It's best to follow the protocol and fast, take antiemetics etc. A fair number of people have failed impulsive attempts.

Reason why it can't be done impulsively is due to the protocol and that protocol facilitates the chances of success being higher. I mean, it can be done impulsively but it's absolutely best not to do it under that state. I guess people also don't like the method because it can't be done at anytime, anywhere and anyhow but it should give you more clarity on if this is what you want.

It was from IC- now taken down and now- it's very difficult to get in the UK by the sounds of it. For me, I'm glad I have it. That still doesn't reduce the fear of using it of course!

The UK really sounds like it's on lockdown for anyone who attempts to get sn as evidenced by members from there asking for sources but still in fear of welfare checks. I think the fear of using it will always be present, you don't know what will happen after you take that drink but I accept it, this is a battle against si after all and others who've already gone before no doubt had that same fear.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Reason why it can't be done impulsively is due to the protocol and that protocol facilitates the chances of success being higher. I mean, it can be done impulsively but it's absolutely best not to do it under that state. I guess people also don't like the method because it can't be done at anytime, anywhere and anyhow but it should give you more clarity on if this is what you want.


The UK really sounds like it's on lockdown for anyone who attempts to get sn as evidenced by members from there asking for sources but still in fear of welfare checks. I think the fear of using it will always be present, you don't know what will happen after you take that drink but I accept it, this is a battle against si after all and others who've already gone before no doubt had that same fear.

Yeah- true. The fear is going to be there no matter the method you choose- they all have risk and unknowns. I hope I can just believe in it enough if and when the time comes for me.

But yeah- it was kind of inevitable really. The more suicides there are using a substance, the more publicity there will be, the more parents will pressure governments to restrict that substance- if they can. It was obvious what would happen. I'm glad I got my order in in time. I kind of wish I'd ordered more now but there's still the concern of shelf life really- for those of us holding on to use it. I know people say it's still ok to use afterwards but all these things likely increase the possibility of failure. It's horrible feeling so trapped.

 

[Adûnâi]

That still doesn't reduce the fear of using it of course!

In my recent interest in suicide (it will probably pass, as it's not in the trifecta of history-geography-girls that permanently holds my attention), my mind was preoccupied with how dying should be accomplished for it to be aesthetic. And I probably don't mean the physical world as I'm fucking clueless about that, I mean more like "what my final thoughts ought to be?" I'm really torn between thinking about Hitler or the girl. (I guess, I'm trying to behave like an NPC from a game I would write.)

are you 100% sure you want to CTB and does it matter to you when you do it? And- what are you like with impulse control?

Absolutely spot on. I'm not sure about my impulse control. I can deny myself orgasms, but can't withhold chocolate... Scanty info to go by.

I mean, it can be done impulsively but it's absolutely best not to do it under that state.

Isn't 2 days impulsively enough?

I bought mine a year ago.

Does it get spoilt after 2 years? And if I unscrew the bottle, it's going to get spoilt really fast, right? Because there are like 100 g bottles sold here, and it's too much, especially if I need to test it beforehand.

Also, I'm not sure whether to buy from the international supplier, or the local one? The international supplier is Ukrainian, I heard? And the local Ukrainian is... German? Life is so confusing and absurd.

Anyway, I could always join the g*d-forsaken military if it fails - the war is gonna renew after the armistice, etc. Although the logistics of trying to get to the front lines, get a gun, and what to do with said gun are hilarious to ponder about.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

But yeah- it was kind of inevitable really. The more suicides there are using a substance, the more publicity there will be, the more parents will pressure governments to restrict that substance- if they can. It was obvious what would happen.

Just to think of a few names that I've seen in the UK as SN related suicides like Jason Thompson, Thiago Araujo, Lee Elliot, Tom Parfett, Wira Wahyudi Sinuraya, etc... all of this coinciding with the deaths connected to Laws IC Sn which was part of an international investigation and so because Law sold over 250 of his 1200 packages of SN to the UK alone, it definitely was coming that SN would be restricted since parents would want it done although some of the deaths from sn were older people as well. Considering the UK is also a substantial media presence in Europe and the west in general, other parts of the continent became aware of suicides related to the substance, rushing to avoid any legal issues to protect them by restricting it as much as possible.

kind of wish I'd ordered more now but there's still the concern of shelf life really- for those of us holding on to use it.

How much sn did you get, was it 50g?

I know people say it's still ok to use afterwards but all these things likely increase the possibility of failure

There is a significant concern but that's if you've not kept it according to instructions mentioned in the Material Data safety sheet although you got it from IC so I doubt this information came with your purchase. There's always the ability to test it before use but I get it, it's a bit of paranoia creeping in that will inevitably lead to doubt over the chances of this ever working out the longer you hold onto it.

Yeah- true. The fear is going to be there no matter the method you choose- they all have risk and unknowns. I hope I can just believe in it enough if and when the time comes for me.

It's really dependent on two things. Your psychological state and how unbearable the situation is for you, how much you truly do not want to wake up tomorrow if it came down to it.

Does it get spoilt after 2 years? And if I unscrew the bottle, it's going to get spoilt really fast, right? Because there are like 100 g bottles sold here, and it's too much, especially if I need to test it beforehand.

No, it won't get spoilt really fast as SN takes time to oxidize but the process is accelerated significantly when exposed to the conditions/sources to avoid namely heat, moisture, reagent materials or chemicals, combustible materials. Anything that sn could possibly react to especially if its repeatedly exposed to otherwise, I don't see why people still worry so much about it. Sn. Above Temps of 330C, Sn will decompose into Sodium Oxide, Nitric oxide and Nitrogen dioxide so unless you do live in conditions that are close to this, you have next to nothing to worry about if you keep it simple in terms of storage. These bottles have likely been sitting in rusty old wooden shelves in storage before being shipped out to the buyer, be it a lab or business. The fact that I have to keep explaining this shows that this fear will never die. Users like @Quarky00 took the time to address this a few years back and I thought it was enough to deal with the overall concern about SNs sensitivity to air and keeping it in storage.

 

[Forever Sleep]

In my recent interest in suicide (it will probably pass, as it's not in the trifecta of history-geography-girls that permanently holds my attention), my mind was preoccupied with how dying should be accomplished for it to be aesthetic. And I probably don't mean the physical world as I'm fucking clueless about that, I mean more like "what my final thoughts ought to be?" I'm really torn between thinking about Hitler or the girl. (I guess, I'm trying to behave like an NPC from a game I would write.)


Absolutely spot on. I'm not sure about my impulse control. I can deny myself orgasms, but can't withhold chocolate... Scanty info to go by.


Isn't 2 days impulsively enough?


Does it get spoilt after 2 years? And if I unscrew the bottle, it's going to get spoilt really fast, right? Because there are like 100 g bottles sold here, and it's too much, especially if I need to test it beforehand.

Also, I'm not sure whether to buy from the international supplier, or the local one? The international supplier is Ukrainian, I heard? And the local Ukrainian is... German? Life is so confusing and absurd.

Anyway, I could always join the g*d-forsaken military if it fails - the war is gonna renew after the armistice, etc. Although the logistics of trying to get to the front lines, get a gun, and what to do with said gun are hilarious to ponder about.

Yeah- true- there are different forms of impulsivity. There's the whole mood swing one- as in- highs and lows. Uncertainty about whether suicide is what they want overall and the likelihood of using the SN in a low patch but it being prolonged enough to follow a protocol. Then- there's the experimental type of person who will just decide to do it without much or any prep- and we have some survivors from that on here...

I love the way you describe yourself though... I have poor chocolate impulse control too...

With regards to joining a war... I thought about it also but they seem to prefere trained soldiers- fair enough I suppose. I imagine it takes quite some time to train though and then- your fellow soldiers may well risk their lives trying to save yours. Nothing's ever that simple really.

Just to think of a few names that I've seen in the UK as SN related suicides like Jason Thompson, Thiago Araujo, Lee Elliot, Tom Parfett, Wira Wahyudi Sinuraya, etc... all of this coinciding with the deaths connected to Laws IC Sn which was part of an international investigation and so because Law sold over 250 of his 1200 packages of SN to the UK alone, it definitely was coming that SN would be restricted since parents would want it done although some of the deaths from sn were older people as well. Considering the UK is also a substantial media presence in Europe and the west in general, other parts of the continent became aware of suicides related to the substance, rushing to avoid any legal issues to protect them by restricting it as much as possible.


How much sn did you get, was it 50g?

There is a significant concern but that's if you've not kept it according to instructions mentioned in the Material Data safety sheet although you got it from IC so I doubt this information came with your purchase. There's always the ability to test it before use but I get it, it's a bit of paranoia creeping in that will inevitably lead to doubt over the chances of this ever working out the longer you hold onto it.


It's really dependent on two things. Your psychological state and how unbearable the situation is for you, how much you truly do not want to wake up tomorrow if it came down to it.

No, it won't get spoilt really fast as SN takes time to oxidize but the process is accelerated significantly when exposed to the conditions/sources to avoid namely heat, moisture, reagent materials or chemicals, combustible materials. Anything that sn could possibly react to especially if its repeatedly exposed to otherwise, I don't see why people still worry so much about it. Sn. Above Temps of 330C, Sn will decompose into Sodium Oxide, Nitric oxide and Nitrogen dioxide so unless you do live in conditions that are close to this, you have next to nothing to worry about if you keep it simple in terms of storage. These bottles have likely been sitting in rusty old wooden shelves in storage before being shipped out to the buyer, be it a lab or business. The fact that I have to keep explaining this shows that this fear will never die. Users like @Quarky00 took the time to address this a few years back and I thought it was enough to deal with the overall concern about SNs sensitivity to air and keeping it in storage.

I think I bought 2 lots of 50g. Just in case I needed 3 glasses of it. Probably a marketing scheme going on there... I guess realistically though- if the attempt fails and I've followed all the protocol, not so sure I'd be that keen on trying the same method. Depends on the side effects I guess. They don't sound good though. Plus- if it fails and the emergency services got involved- they would no doubt confiscate all they found.

I haven't opened mine but I would test it just before using it. I guess it's just all the unknowns really. I'm not a chemist or pharmacist. Even if a chemist or pharmicist handed me something with a 100% fatality rate but they said- we don't 100% know you won't suffer. We don't know how much. We don't know how long for- I'd still be afraid! Even if they were staying with me. But- we're doing this solo with no real reassurances of anything other than people have succeeded with it.

 

[Adûnâi]

Users like @Quarky00 took the time to address this a few years back and I thought it was enough to deal with the overall concern about SNs sensitivity to air and keeping it in storage.

So it doesn't have to be vacuum-sealed? Gotcha, thanks for saving me another 2 EUR.

It's really dependent on two things. Your psychological state and how unbearable the situation is for you, how much you truly do not want to wake up tomorrow if it came down to it.

And about unfinished business - such as those Twitch VODs I'd like to upload to YouTube (I did ask Mr Streamer whether I was allowed to... it was a year ago, still haven't gotten down to it lmao).

I thought about it also but they seem to prefere trained soldiers-

They're drafting cripples, or so I heard, can't bother to check, it's full or brain-damaged propaganda on all sides.

your fellow soldiers may well risk their lives trying to save yours.

I might shoot first so that they kill me. Kind of cringe, but how the fuck do you point an AK-74 to your head? There are no YouTube guides, you know. And if I asked it, they would just disarm me. So I would unironically have to shoot them without warning. (Another idea would be to run into a Russian FPV drone, but the explosion might merely cut off muh' dick - and again, getting "saved".)

(Comrade secret police officer reading this - I'm an exemplary student not planning on joining the army anyway, it's all fictional brain-storming in this case unironically.)

P.S. When I was talking to the Girl and mentioned a few low-probability threats of being drafted in June, she said she didn't want me to die. But she no longer talks to me, so who the fuck cares lmao.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I'd still be afraid! Even if they were staying with me. But- we're doing this solo with no real reassurances of anything other than people have succeeded with it.

That's si for you. It won't allow you to take the plunge and that's a lot of people really but there's no shame in coming 2nd to it but we'll always fear death until we take our last breath, whether we die from illness at 80 or being in a car accident left, barely breathing till we die on our way to the hospital due to blood loss or something else, one way or another, we won't like it but one day, we're gonna have to deal with it, whether it's at our own hand or the other ways we'll die.

The unknowns are something you'll either push past because you truly reached a point where its ctb or nothing else and don't care for the consequences thereafter which is why I always bring the example of some guy who killed himself by mechanical asphyxiation with cable ties around his neck and rat poison in combination, he reached a point where the unknowns weren't enough to hold him back and he did it all alone, not reassured by anyone who did it before him or, the unknowns keep you here even if you've actively planned and rehearsed everything in your head and it could go on for years, not even necessarily because you see hope in staying alive because things are changing in your personal life even if we all know life is a fickle thing.

if the attempt fails and I've followed all the protocol, not so sure I'd be that keen on trying the same method.

Wouldn't blame you if you did so, if you did your best to follow the protocol and the method fails you then I wouldn't want to try it again either because you did everything right last time so why bother again.

They're drafting cripples, or so I heard, can't bother to check, it's full or brain-damaged propaganda on all sides.

Sounds like they're drafting just about anyone they can at this point.

And about unfinished business - such as those Twitch VODs I'd like to upload to YouTube (I did ask Mr Streamer whether I was allowed to... it was a year ago, still haven't gotten down to it lmao).

That may be a factor such as people waiting for something like new music from their favorite artist to come out or a new video game they've been waiting on like GTA 6 or anything really. Something to keep them around long enough that they actually look forward too outside of the thoughts towards ctb.

So it doesn't have to be vacuum-sealed? Gotcha, thanks for saving me another 2 EUR.

It wouldn't be a bad idea to do so but unless you don't trust the integrity of what the sn came in like a bottle from factory then get it vacuum sealed.

 

[Adûnâi]

he reached a point where the unknowns weren't enough to hold him back and he did it all alone, not reassured by anyone who did it before him

Savitri Devi (Hitler's priestess) described a case where a French couple threw away a doggo, and their kid killed himself over it ("I can't live with monsters"). While I don't really share the animal welfare side of Nazism, it's kind of neat.

 

[Forever Sleep]

That's si for you. It won't allow you to take the plunge and that's a lot of people really but there's no shame in coming 2nd to it but we'll always fear death until we take our last breath, whether we die from illness at 80 or being in a car accident left, barely breathing till we die on our way to the hospital due to blood loss or something else, one way or another, we won't like it but one day, we're gonna have to deal with it, whether it's at our own hand or the other ways we'll die.

The unknowns are something you'll either push past because you truly reached a point where its ctb or nothing else and don't care for the consequences thereafter which is why I always bring the example of some guy who killed himself by mechanical asphyxiation with cable ties around his neck and rat poison in combination, he reached a point where the unknowns weren't enough to hold him back and he did it all alone, not reassured by anyone who did it before him or, the unknowns keep you here even if you've actively planned and rehearsed everything in your head and it could go on for years, not even necessarily because you see hope in staying alive because things are changing in your personal life even if we all know life is a fickle thing.


Wouldn't blame you if you did so, if you did your best to follow the protocol and the method fails you then I wouldn't want to try it again either because you did everything right last time so why bother again.

Sounds like they're drafting just about anyone they can at this point.


That may be a factor such as people waiting for something like new music from their favorite artist to come out or a new video game they've been waiting on like GTA 6 or anything really. Something to keep them around long enough that they actually look forward too outside of the thoughts towards ctb.


It wouldn't be a bad idea to do so but unless you don't trust the integrity of what the sn came in like a bottle from factory then get it vacuum sealed.

Yeah- I use this one to try and reassure myself too... Death is inevitable. Natural death can be just as unpleasant as suicide. More so sometimes. There's no way I want to be old and suffer for years/decades. Who knows what horrible things fate has in store for me later down the line? I'm going to have to face it some time or another. Maybe it's better to do it on your own terms.

But yeah- I'm sure suicide happens when the fear of life outweighs the fear of death. I feel like that could very well come for me one day when my tethers here are gone and all that remains is dread.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Savitri Devi (Hitler's priestess) described a case where a French couple threw away a doggo, and their kid killed himself over it ("I can't live with monsters"). While I don't really share the animal welfare side of Nazism, it's kind of neat.

Or it's done in times of high emotional distress like this instance of the child you described. That dog may have meant more to him than his parents ever knew.

 

[Adûnâi]

But yeah- I'm sure suicide happens when the fear of life outweighs the fear of death. I feel like that could very well come for me one day when my tethers here are gone and all that remains is dread.

Sounds epic and solemn btw. And severe, that's the word! Feels like being a character in an exciting book... Even though my own life is boring, so even suffering I can only glean from second hands (aside from my cucked love experience in June 2023).

 

[Deleted member 65988]

More so sometimes. There's no way I want to be old and suffer for years/decades. Who knows what horrible things fate has in store for me later down the line? I'm going to have to face it some time or another. Maybe it's better to do it on your own terms.

That right there is something I want to avoid as well. My grandmother and great-grandmother died within the last year, both from illness but my great-grandmother suffered from dementia and even at my grandmother's funeral, she didn't recognize me or even my mom when we saw her. She lived till 90, which is scary to me because that's nearly a whole damn century of life but my family celebrated it as a good thing to live that long, I find it to be the complete opposite because not only do you see more people die the longer you live, you lose more of yourself overtime until you aren't there anymore, just a shell of a human being waiting to die.

There's also an unlimited potential of ways you could suffer through life as it progresses from the point of this conversation until you die of old age. Not that I'm trying to scare you at all, just openly sharing that old age to me isn't as great as its touted out to be. Hearing about how my grandmother was before she died, the doctors appointments that were frequent in the months leading up to it and how much sorting out she had to do personally, this was not a peaceful sleep and drift off into the sunset like we all wish it could be with the methods we choose, she was struggling and left a lot of questions unanswered even so much so that my mom asked herself why my grandmother couldn't wait until my mom turned 50 but that's life. How we go will inevitably be not peaceful to some degree, whether to ourselves or anyone else who may have felt like we didn't have to leave so soon, be it naturally or by our hand.

I feel like that could very well come for me one day when my tethers here are gone and all that remains is dread.

That's usually the tipping point, I hate to bring it up but look at a recent member who ctb a few months ago, once Toofargone6969 saw her dog pass on, she wanted less to do with the world after that so there are tethers holding each of us in place as much as we'd like to go and never have to deal with any of this once we're gone.

 

[Adûnâi]

not only do you see more people die the longer you live, you lose more of yourself overtime until you aren't there anymore, just a shell of a human being waiting to die.

Assuming there was a human there to begin with lmao (not talking about your granma, of course). It's just way too many people are possessed by ideas like puppets. For example, it's an undisputed historical fact that Ukrainians had referred to themselves as Russians until the late 19th century... But when I told it to my mom, she chimped out. Such a basic historical fact falls on deaf ears - and is there a human person worth being called such between those ears?

once Toofargone6969 saw her dog pass on, she wanted less to do with the world after that so there are tethers holding each of us in place

(Copycat) Copydog suicide lol. At least, it's concerned with death. Meanwhile, in my case it would be cringe like "Russia attacking the Ukraine without any nukes flying as of 2025 has broken my heart, I can't go on without nukes, and it's not like I have anything to live for aside from the hope for nukes going boom". Cringe.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

It's just way too many people are possessed by ideas like puppets. For example, it's an undisputed historical fact that Ukrainians had referred to themselves as Russians until the late 19th century... But when I told it to my mom, she chimped out. Such a basic historical fact falls on deaf ears - and is there a human person worth being called such between those ears?

That could be just buying into the ideology of independence from Russia which is why your mom did not respond kindly to your historical fact.

 

[Forever Sleep]

That right there is something I want to avoid as well. My grandmother and great-grandmother died within the last year, both from illness but my great-grandmother suffered from dementia and even at my grandmother's funeral, she didn't recognize me or even my mom when we saw her. She lived till 90, which is scary to me because that's nearly a whole damn century of life but my family celebrated it as a good thing to live that long, I find it to be the complete opposite because not only do you see more people die the longer you live, you lose more of yourself overtime until you aren't there anymore, just a shell of a human being waiting to die.

There's also an unlimited potential of ways you could suffer through life as it progresses from the point of this conversation until you die of old age. Not that I'm trying to scare you at all, just openly sharing that old age to me isn't as great as its touted out to be. Hearing about how my grandmother was before she died, the doctors appointments that were frequent in the months leading up to it and how much sorting out she had to do personally, this was not a peaceful sleep and drift off into the sunset like we all wish it could be with the methods we choose, she was struggling and left a lot of questions unanswered even so much so that my mom asked herself why my grandmother couldn't wait until my mom turned 50 but that's life. How we go will inevitably be not peaceful to some degree, whether to ourselves or anyone else who may have felt like we didn't have to leave so soon, be it naturally or by our hand.


That's usually the tipping point, I hate to bring it up but look at a recent member who ctb a few months ago, once Toofargone6969 saw her dog pass on, she wanted less to do with the world after that so there are tethers holding each of us in place as much as we'd like to go and never have to deal with any of this once we're gone.

I'm so sorry for what happened to your great grandmother. I've seen inside nursing homes and the effects of dementia are incredibly distressing and heart breaking. I've also known family members have strokes and no longer recognise people. It's so utterly cruel- I agree and yeah- I see no benefit in going through that. Still- we're all different. My parents are getting older now and they are suffering somewhat but- they're still thankful for life. They wake up and are grateful to be alive. Ironic isn't it? We likely all wake up and feel despair that we're still here! Shame we can't all swap really.