Story The pathetic reasons i can’t get ahold of peaceful methods.

[worldexploder]

In 2011, I was granted SSI after a 2 year battle. Since I was too anxious and depressed to function, my aunt did most of the work. In turn, the judge ordered her as my payee (meaning she has control over my finances). I was sort of shocked because I don't have an intellectual disability. The last time I took an IQ test it was 126. Hell I even got married later that year....divorced in 2014 (I'll tell y'all about how that worked in another post).

Anyways, my SSI situation and the fact that I lack a drivers liscens neutered me when it comes to getting the tools I need. After two failed suicide attempts (an overdose, then a hanging attempt), I decided that I'd only end it if I had ether N, the Tank, a 12 gauge, or a very high place to jump.

N was my number one choice. Despite almost getting it for free from a woman in Pakistan, I couldn't find a black market that i trusted...even on the dark web. Plus no credit card. I'm fucked on that deal.

My second option was the tank. I don't have a drivers liscens which means I can't go and pick one up. Plus they don't deliver tanks filled with nitrogen...plus ordering all the supplies online (minus the gas) requires a credit card. See a pattern?

I was actually eligible to buy a gun with cash money...but my former friend found out my plan, then tattled to my aunt. They both went in secret to every gun store within walking distance, showed them my picture, gave out my name, and warned them not to sale me a firearm. Since my aunt is my payee, they listened.

The 4th option is to jump. I live about an hour away from the second tallest bridge in America (876 feet). I went to google earth and studied it a little bit. It's right next to a visitors center. I was going to trick my aunt into taking me there on a "hiking trip" a couple years ago, steal her keys while nobody was looking, then drive to the middle and leap. Plan too complicated because she takes her keys everywhere. I would have to run a quarter mile to get to the middle of the bridge and I am very out of shape. Plus the bridge has a CCTV with rangers eyeballing the paremeters. Authorities would be on me like stink on shit. It's not a pedestrian friendly bridge like the Golden Gate. Even if I tried to run and the authorities couldn't stop me, a driver might. All these fail scenarios made me risk aversed to the idea.

Damn I wish I had some sort of angel of death. Money wouldn't be an issue then. My aunt gives me cash whenever I ask for it. Just can't use her god damn card.

 

[Wantingpeace]

Is so tough feeling so trapped

 

[worldexploder]

Is so tough feeling so trapped

It really is buddy. I got options all around. So frustrating not being able to use them.

 

[MortDeVivre]

Does your aunt control everything? Can you open a PayPal account? There's sodium azide and antiemetics on eBay.

 

[worldexploder]

Does your aunt control everything? Can you open a PayPal account? There's sodium azide and antiemetics on eBay.

Technically she controls my money but let's me spend it how I please in hard cash only. I can't open a PayPal account due to the credit card situation. It would all have to be under her name!

The whole payee thing was the judges decision. I had 2 choices - let the state handle my finances or my aunt. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for SSI. I just think the judge went overboard. There is no evidence that I am incapable of handing my own finances. I guess he just went off the fact that I never had a job or a car.

 

[MortDeVivre]

That's so bad. Can you open an account with an online bank without her knowledge and deposit the money she gives you?

 

[Pointlessabyss]

You can buy bitcoin with some cash from exchanges via cash deposits I believe ! May help you get somewhere

 

[worldexploder]

That's so bad. Can you open an account with an online bank without her knowledge and deposit the money she gives you?

My hands are tied on that too unfortunately. According to the court order, unless I elect to get off disability, she is basically the adult and I am the child when it comes to all finances. My aunt could actually get into legal trouble if she let me use her credit card. It's very humiliating and I don't understand it. Makes me question my own intelligence. Depression and anxiety isn't an intellectual disability!

 

[worldexploder]

You can buy bitcoin with some cash from exchanges via cash deposits I believe ! May help you get somewhere

Thanks. I head a lot about Bitcoin. How reliable is it? Because I heard it's worth fluctuates a lot and could end up crashing.

 

[Nofaith]

That's not pathetic but it is messed up to be so trapped. Sounds like that whole situation is just making things worse. Are you not able to access any sort of payment card or apply for one?

 

[itsallover]

In 2011, I was granted SSI after a 2 year battle. Since I was too anxious and depressed to function, my aunt did most of the work. In turn, the judge ordered her as my payee (meaning she has control over my finances). I was sort of shocked because I don't have an intellectual disability. The last time I took an IQ test it was 126. Hell I even got married later that year....divorced in 2014 (I'll tell y'all about how that worked in another post).

Anyways, my SSI situation and the fact that I lack a drivers liscens neutered me when it comes to getting the tools I need. After two failed suicide attempts (an overdose, then a hanging attempt), I decided that I'd only end it if I had ether N, the Tank, a 12 gauge, or a very high place to jump.

N was my number one choice. Despite almost getting it for free from a woman in Pakistan, I couldn't find a black market that i trusted...even on the dark web. Plus no credit card. I'm fucked on that deal.

My second option was the tank. I don't have a drivers liscens which means I can't go and pick one up. Plus they don't deliver tanks filled with nitrogen...plus ordering all the supplies online (minus the gas) requires a credit card. See a pattern?

I was actually eligible to buy a gun with cash money...but my former friend found out my plan, then tattled to my aunt. They both went in secret to every gun store within walking distance, showed them my picture, gave out my name, and warned them not to sale me a firearm. Since my aunt is my payee, they listened.

The 4th option is to jump. I live about an hour away from the second tallest bridge in America (876 feet). I went to google earth and studied it a little bit. It's right next to a visitors center. I was going to trick my aunt into taking me there on a "hiking trip" a couple years ago, steal her keys while nobody was looking, then drive to the middle and leap. Plan too complicated because she takes her keys everywhere. I would have to run a quarter mile to get to the middle of the bridge and I am very out of shape. Plus the bridge has a CCTV with rangers eyeballing the paremeters. Authorities would be on me like stink on shit. It's not a pedestrian friendly bridge like the Golden Gate. Even if I tried to run and the authorities couldn't stop me, a driver might. All these fail scenarios made me risk aversed to the idea.

Damn I wish I had some sort of angel of death. Money wouldn't be an issue then. My aunt gives me cash whenever I ask for it. Just can't use her god damn card.

Ssi and all other forms of government assistance are a joke. Why should we have to live like rats because we became disabled. You could never live independently on it. If something we're to happen to your aunt then forget everything. I can no longer work due to no fault of my own and refuse to be homeless. I prefer death. I could have done it if healthy till I get back on my feet. In fact I would trade my health problems for homelessness at this point. They might as well give you a choice between ssi and death in my opinion. Life is all about reaching goals not just surviving on social security. I really hope you find a way out. Nothing but misery awaits you while living off ssi. I'm going to jump off a bridge. Once you let go that's it. No second guessing or chances. At least you feel like you're flying and some sense of freedom for a few seconds. I wish I could jump out of a plane to really make sure I die.

 

[Justanotherconsumer]

Almost any place sells prepaid debit cards, you can add cash, and anyplace in the world takes them including eBay.

 

[Pointlessabyss]

I tried investing in it and made a little return!
But you are right it fluctuates a lot and is volatile! I wouldn't believe the media about the crash etc. It's been around for years and has some useful technologies sprouting off other cryptos etc.

Anyway before I go off into that in answer to your question if it goes below £5000 or think it's about $6150 dollars then yeah it's gonna plunge but this has been the holding point for quite sometime due to the energy consumption when mining it etc.

You ll pay a little commission for buying it in cash but atleast you have a means then to obtain certain things off the web. If you buy it then buy whatever you need you won't lose / gain much at all

 

[worldexploder]

That's not pathetic but it is messed up to be so trapped. Sounds like that whole situation is just making things worse. Are you not able to access any sort of payment card or apply for one?

Thanks for understanding.

I can't get a payment card ether. The only thing I am allowed to use that isn't hard cash is a gift card. But my aunt has to buy it for me.

 

[Pointlessabyss]

Almost any place sells prepaid debit cards, you can add cash, and anyplace in the world takes them including eBay.

Completely forgot about them doe ! Good shout !

 

[worldexploder]

I tried investing in it and made a little return!
But you are right it fluctuates a lot and is volatile! I wouldn't believe the media about the crash etc. It's been around for years and has some useful technologies sprouting off other cryptos etc.

Anyway before I go off into that in answer to your question if it goes below £5000 or think it's about $6150 dollars then yeah it's gonna plunge but this has been the holding point for quite sometime due to the energy consumption when mining it etc.

You ll pay a little commission for buying it in cash but atleast you have a means then to obtain certain things off the web. If you buy it then buy whatever you need you won't lose / gain much at all

Thanks for the info. I'm gonna look more into it before making a decision. You don't need a credit card right?

 

[Pointlessabyss]

Thanks for the info. I'm gonna look more into it before making a decision. You don't need a credit card right?

Nope certain exchanges allow cash transactions from sellers. You normally pay via a cash deposit. You just need an online wallet to hold it in which can easily be obtained/ downloaded to your phone or computer.

 

[MortDeVivre]

Thanks for understanding.

I can't get a payment card ether. The only thing I am allowed to use that isn't hard cash is a gift card. But my aunt has to buy it for me.

Wait. I know people on Reddit will trade PayPal money for gift cards (at a loss for you, but still). Maybe that would work?

 

[MortDeVivre]

Wait. I know people on Reddit will trade PayPal money for gift cards (at a loss for you, but still). Maybe that would work?

www.reddit.com/r/giftcardexchange
(gift cards > PayPal)

www.reddit.com/r/cash4cash
(crypto > PayPal)

 

[worldexploder]

Wait. I know people on Reddit will trade PayPal money for gift cards (at a loss for you, but still). Maybe that would work?

Thanks for the advice. If I was gonna do that I'd really have to be careful. A lot of scam artists out there. I'm pretty ignorant about stuff like this.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

I have an idea to solve the card issue. If you manage to stock up on enough cash, you could probably go the the store and buy an international gift card of whatever bank and go from there. And then use it like a credit card.

 

[couldntthinkofaname]

cant u use public transport to reach that bridge?

 

[worldexploder]

cant u use public transport to reach that bridge?

They don't even have public transport were the bridge is. Even if I did reach the bridge I'd have to run a quarter mile to get to the middle and probably have a panic attack in the process.

 

[couldntthinkofaname]

hmmm people manage to kill themselfes at very difficult places all the time like prisons or mental wards...seems like youre not really ready yet...and thats ok..maybe you should get used to the fact that you will stay alive a little bit longer

 

[PatKat]

In 2011, I was granted SSI after a 2 year battle. Since I was too anxious and depressed to function, my aunt did most of the work. In turn, the judge ordered her as my payee (meaning she has control over my finances). I was sort of shocked because I don't have an intellectual disability. The last time I took an IQ test it was 126. Hell I even got married later that year....divorced in 2014 (I'll tell y'all about how that worked in another post).

Anyways, my SSI situation and the fact that I lack a drivers liscens neutered me when it comes to getting the tools I need. After two failed suicide attempts (an overdose, then a hanging attempt), I decided that I'd only end it if I had ether N, the Tank, a 12 gauge, or a very high place to jump.

N was my number one choice. Despite almost getting it for free from a woman in Pakistan, I couldn't find a black market that i trusted...even on the dark web. Plus no credit card. I'm fucked on that deal.

My second option was the tank. I don't have a drivers liscens which means I can't go and pick one up. Plus they don't deliver tanks filled with nitrogen...plus ordering all the supplies online (minus the gas) requires a credit card. See a pattern?

I was actually eligible to buy a gun with cash money...but my former friend found out my plan, then tattled to my aunt. They both went in secret to every gun store within walking distance, showed them my picture, gave out my name, and warned them not to sale me a firearm. Since my aunt is my payee, they listened.

The 4th option is to jump. I live about an hour away from the second tallest bridge in America (876 feet). I went to google earth and studied it a little bit. It's right next to a visitors center. I was going to trick my aunt into taking me there on a "hiking trip" a couple years ago, steal her keys while nobody was looking, then drive to the middle and leap. Plan too complicated because she takes her keys everywhere. I would have to run a quarter mile to get to the middle of the bridge and I am very out of shape. Plus the bridge has a CCTV with rangers eyeballing the paremeters. Authorities would be on me like stink on shit. It's not a pedestrian friendly bridge like the Golden Gate. Even if I tried to run and the authorities couldn't stop me, a driver might. All these fail scenarios made me risk aversed to the idea.

Damn I wish I had some sort of angel of death. Money wouldn't be an issue then. My aunt gives me cash whenever I ask for it. Just can't use her god damn card.

I am currently living by someone elses control also and I am 33! this is dumb...

 

[worldexploder]

I am currently living by someone elses control also and I am 33! this is dumb...

It sure is my friend. If assisted suicide was legal, I'd finally get what I wanted and the government would save money. Sounds like a win-win scenario don't it?

 

[worldexploder]

hmmm people manage to kill themselfes at very difficult places all the time like prisons or mental wards...seems like youre not really ready yet...and thats ok..maybe you should get used to the fact that you will stay alive a little bit longer

I am ready. I just want to be careful about how I go about ending it all. The problem is actually getting to the middle of the bridge without getting caught. I can't drive and I don't think anyone would be willing to take me to the exact spot I need to be. Plus that method is 4th on my list and the most plausible....even if it's a long shot. I'd rather die at home.

 

[PatKat]

It sure is my friend. If assisted suicide was legal, I'd finally get what I wanted and the government would save money. Sounds like a win-win scenario don't it?

Oh if only that was legal in the USA... :(

 

[worldexploder]

I am ready. I just want to be careful about how I go about ending it all. The problem is actually getting to the middle of the bridge without getting caught. I can't drive and I don't think anyone would be willing to take me to the exact spot I need to be. Plus that method is 4th on my list and the most plausible....even if it's a long shot. I'd rather die at home.

That's a long bridge. I'm about 100 lb overweight and out of shape. You think I could run to the middle without passing out or getting caught by Park Rangers? It's not pedestrian friendly ether like the Golden Gate.

 

[NOISYMIND]

I am trapped too. Financial problems made me no choice that I think I would have to die at home.