The Pain Won't End

[KafkaF]

Putting aside for a moment how everything else in my life is hopeless and fucked up, things ended between me and my girlfriend about 4 months ago now. And the pain just won't end.

There are some times where it's in the background. Where for a little while I can distract myself for the most part (though it's never completely out of my thoughts). But those are the rare times.

Most of the time it's always there. She's always oscilating between being on the back of my mind and the front of it. She hangs over my every day.

And then at other times it hurts so much that I can't stand it. That I just want to scream for the pain to end. That I feel like I have to end it and end it soon.

Right after it was basically like that 24/7. So I guess in some sense things have improved. But despite it having been 4 months already the pain still isn't going away. It's always there to some extent. And there's still many times when it's completely unbearable.

I also still think of her as my soulmate. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that I KNOW she was my soulmate. Not only does it hurt so much to think of my life without her, too much to want to live on or even be able to live on, but on top of that I don't see a future with anyone else.

There's a girl I've been talking to whom I met on a dating site a while ago. And I like her. She's a sweet girl and I enjoy talking to her. But I can't imagine spending my life with her. There's only one person I actually want to spend my life with and she's not here...

It hurts every day. It hurts too much. And I can't make it stop.

And then on top of that my freaking libido acts up sometimes. It has been so many months since I've had sex and that has also been incredibly frustrating. And part of me feels if I could just have sex with someone I could forget the pain for an hour or so.

It all sucks.

I've tried to get myself to the point of ending it, but it has been extremely hard to get to that point. But on the other hand I also don't think I can get better. So I'm in stasis and I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Valky]

Like you said, things have already improved from the breakup to 4 months later. And things will only continue to improve. It is normal for it to take months, especially if you loved your partner very much (which it seems like). Allow yourself to take as much time as you need. It might not feel like much sometimes and like the pain isn't going away but every day you made is a success and a step closer to recovery.

I know this really hurts but it is important for you to really understand this, in order to be able to let go and heal: if she really was your soulmate, it would have worked.

Just accepting that fact takes a lot, so don't feel discouraged if it doesn't work immediately, like I said, take all the time you need to heal. Things will get easier, I promise.

 

[MrShino]

Agree with Valky here. This will almost certainly pass with time. I know the feeling, I have been convinced several times in my life that 'this is the one', and felt like there could be no other. Strange how strong these feelings are, but that they still pass with time. They say that nothing hurts as much as heartbreaks, but they will also almost always mend. Stay strong, I believe you have all the reasons to continue to look to the future and I am quite certain that it will improve. You just have to endure the pain until then. As you said, it's already gotten better!