Story the pain and my life

[CryingDevilboy]

Hi I am new here. I have no one to talk (never had anyone) so I will be writing some stupid stuff.

I was sitting on the second last bench of the second row from the right. My so called friend was next to me who made fun of me and abused me in front of the whole class.
Then that teacher came who have been making fun of me in every single class for the past one and half years and for some reason everyone laughed at her senseless jokes. I dont say anything to anyone. Whenever a sad face is about to be shown, I put my head down and wipe my tears away. Why no one talks to me? why I cant talk to them?
Now I am in college. Due to no information about how relationships work and what the other person expects from me I got ghosted after one month when I had shared everything with her. I put all the courage that I had to send her a single hi message and then the next few messages i copy and pasted which i had already written beforehand so i did not felt real. Now i am alone again.
I masturbate a lot. I have a foggy mind. I am poor. I am 19. I cannot do anything to myself because I know for certain that my mother would kill herself if I did anything.

I dont know what it is but i just cannot connect with people. They dont feel real....

 

[drag201]

I'm really sorry about everything you had to go through. People can be so superficial, hurt you for giggles and just think nothing of it. It's not your fault that things turned out this way, no one's born knowing everything and I'm sure you had good intentions with the people you met and they just didnt value them, I dont think it's you that can't connect rather you're just surrounded by shitty dull people, I know how that's like. I don't come on here very frequently but I'm always here if you need to talk. I wish you the best and I hope things work out better for you in the future and you meet people who really value you. Stay strong, there's still life after college and at this age people can be really stupid, it's not your fault.