Venting The only things I like

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

1) Dissociating.
2) Drinking.
3) Escapism/low-key gaming.
4) J/o or fantasizing in general.

Lately all I do is daydream, and/or wonder about the other side.

How can I be truly interested in something that only lasts a number of decades? (life). If I'm honest, I'm much more interested in the eternal, or what comes after.

To me, that's logical. Recently I was re-watching the Saw horror movies, and they struck a chord with me. If I was in a Jigsaw trap or some shit, I'd be most invested in what comes after I make it through whatever I'm currently dealing with.

When you're young, you're steered along on a certain conveyor belt of expectations. School -> College -> Job -> Marriage -> Kids -> Happily ever after. What if none of that has worked for you? As I get older, I find I'm less and less interested in the second half of my life, I guess primarily because the first half of it went to pot. Why would I give a shit? Failing health, fading looks, no real prospects. What's there to look forward to?

Screw it man, I'm done with worrying about things. I am pushing 40, soon I will just see life as a shit movie that I'm half invested in but I've made it this far, so why not see it through to the end? That's how I feel. I have nothing worthwhile going on and nothing to work towards. There is only survival, and passing the time.

Much love to my buds on here. I appreciate you all, even if I can't give you time or attention atm. I'm in a bad place.

 

[Celerity]

Hm. I'm going to be 30 soon. We have similar lists. Life has gotten so boring and repetitive. The fantasies in my head are vastly superior. I guess this is what they call "maladaptive daydreaming".

 

[rationaltake]

I get it. It's just the luck of the draw. I'm old and I'm wondering why I bothered to hang around this long. My life was never going to work out considering the nasty and vicious way it started. I really need to cash in my chips.

 

[hamvil]

Not much really. I like my walk in the mountains and stopping to watch animals in a farm. I like to daydream too, I can imagine a world where I have friends, my old job back, the love of my life still with me. At the end of the day I realise my best days are in the past. I saw what I had to saw and would like very much to pass away hoping that after there is just nothingness.