the ones who been suicidal for a long time but didn't attempt or want to CTB anytime soon, what kept you going?

[Xta4Love]

I always had hope for a better future. I would postpone my suicidal tendencies for a month, or two, or three. By that time I would feel less suicidal. I have lived this way for nine long years. Im getting more and more impulsive so I dont think this method works for that much longer.

Also having real connection with others keep me going. Long hugs, gazing into each others eyes for a long time, sharing vurnerable info. Really let yourself be seen. Love for family, love for friends.

 

[LastBusHome]

For a while it was because I genuinely thought I could turn things around. I gave it my best but my actions and especially my inaction have lead me to the same, forgone conclusion.

For a while after that it was out of fear of what that experience would be like. The quick and relatively "easy" methods were and still are inaccessible. Granted, I know better now so that's not as big of a concern as it once was.

The problem now is I'm stuck with guilt and inner conflict. I have people now that I care if they were emotionally devastated after the fact. Now I've got things that in spite of everything actually make me want to try life again. Yet at the same time there's a fundamental incompatibility with that want and the reality I've made for myself.

The bed is made. You know the rest.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

oh just a lack of information and access to proper methods, thats all

this place solved that issue though so

 

[sheleftme1]

I have had ideations of suicide my entire life I wanted to be done but I gave life a shot about in effort to slowly get better and now I kinda give up. I got everything I prayed for in a woman who made me want to live this life with her. But she left me and now I'm not actively suicidal in that I'm not making plans to die anymore. Mostly because my granny and my mom but also because I just know I can't do it… no matter how hard I try I'm just scared. I wish my life had worked out for once… I think I'd have been a good man and could have really enjoyed life if I was just better in the moments I needed to be better. I genuinely hate myself though in every way for losing her… and if I wasn't such a weak person I would have been able to keep her or at least exit this life that does nothing but torture my heart. To answer the question more simply… nothing is currently keeping me going except weakness.

 

[LainCry]

Religious paranoia for the most part.
But now what keeps me alive is my living situation. I live with a family that has a kid who looks up to me, and her father is a terminally ill man. I can't bear to inconvenience them by going missing or making them find my body. They're good people and they've already suffered so much...

There's also the fact I fell in love and want a life with him and blah blah blah

But as selfish as it is, I still want a method lined up. I truly dont see myself dying any other way.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i literally have no idea why i keep going.
but i know its really easy. just do nothing, time goes by on its own.