The one single thing that makes you want to CTB the most

[Mofreeko]

My life is just not worth living and it I'm too old to fix it. I'm not willing to put in the effort of working to support a life I hate living.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Pretty poorly. It's been exactly six months and I still feel like the worst. Not only because I miss her and the times we were together, but because she betrayed my feelings. Left me when I most needed her, kept trying to contact me (wasn't able to deal with her own decision on her own), stopped talking to me (I did something horrible in the hopes she would do that) and then, when I was starting to get a bit better, she came back, just to abandon me again. All while she was seeing other people (which, to be fair, I was also doing, but against my will).
I was FINE being alone before she came in. FINE. My life wasn't perfect, but I was content with it. But she had to come in, feed me with lies, show me how things could be fun. Just to leave later. I HATE HER FOR THAT.

I see... I understand that quite well... based on some observations and experiences (albeit very limited -- I talk to Skype girls who claim they love me, but enjoy taking advantage of my kindness, along with other people in different settings who basically screwed me over including members of my family, or a particular girl at work who basically talked to me and said some motivating shit just to start flaking on me and go back to treating me like shit; I had spmething very important to tell her, but... I guess yeah. The worst part wasn't that she kept turning me down, but the fact she was too much of a coward to tell me the truth and just tell me she just didn't want to talk to me; I'm not about to straight up murder her for turning me down, and even if I wanted to, I'm not trying to land in prison and ruin everything I'vebeen striving for). I'm sorry you had to go through that. But... I don't wanna dismiss your pain and call you weak, telling you to go and suck it up, but... I'd say this is just a mistake you just have to learn to never repeat again.

The thing about women these days is that they can be rather flaky and do that weak shit (NOT ALL women, but plenty enough... or maybe people in general; we're all inherently selfish and not as altruistic as we make ourselves out to be). She's unfortunately a bad case, but... there's a chance you'll find another who's better. But for the time being, you're just gonna have to grieve. And when you've finally got to the acceptance stage and ddcide you'reready to start dating again, you're just gonna have to resist the urge to become too attached with them, which once you achieve that, you'll be able to set boundaries.

While you have experienced heartbreak, be happy it's not anything worse, like getting divorce-raped. That'll surely fuck you over. So, hang in there... if you can.

 

[magicalsarcoma]

Probably the general feeling of hopelessness/meaninglessness of what is happening. That feeling that it won't be better. Because don't even know what should get better and what means better. From time to time everything is bad, sometimes not too bad, often everything is neutral, but it's as if it's never good enough.
It also feels like you're not living, but constantly trying to distract yourself from life, shift the focus of attention to hobbies, work and other forms of escapism. I call it forms of escapism, because in fact all these activities don't seem good enough either, hah

 

[highmaintenancebolt]

I will eventually die. My life is only going to go downhill from here. I can die at 80 after living a miserable and pointless life or I can die right now at 22 while things are still not that bad (but are starting to get worse day by day). The benefit of dying right now is that I get to avoid decades of misery. This is my primary rationale.

Plus I'm convinced that even if I don't kill myself, I won't get to die of old age. Most likely the nuclear holocaust will happen before the end of this century. I'm like 99% sure of this. It's probably why we don't see any evidence of other life in the universe. They all nuke themselves out of existance very soon after inventing nukes.

 

[Tiny Little Tree]

Humanity.
I think that sums it up nicely. Covers my own existence and the other things I don't like most about the world like how people treat each other etc.

 

[1000winds]

feeling like a burden.

 

[Hirokami]

My severe anxiety disorder. It's turned me into a piece of shit, more or less.

 

[outrider567]

The death of my longtime girlfriend, 9 months ago, but I'm still just as stressed and depressed as when she died

 

[almaranthine]

Having experienced mania/psychosis *many* times, presently knowing that my mind can just collapse like that again in the future... even if all my dreams came true... and I could own a house, have healthcare, a good job, actual irl friends, a stable/long term relationship... I could still end up fucking crazy and ruin everything. I can't cope with this truth anymore, and I won't subject myself to psychiatry any further than I have.

 

[LesbianCarpetPython]

My past actions I guess? Being self destructive always pushed my friends away

 

[Darkover]

being poor
teeth 4 molar completly decayed
dislocated left shoulder 10 times
damaged stomach lining
tinnitus
brain injury
drug induced psychosis
going to jail for something you didn't do
paranoid schizophrenia
leaving school without gcses
no sex for 18 years

 

[Hollowillow]

Psychological violence

 

[freevoid]

Mental health, or lack there of, followed by physical health.

 

[CowsAreCool]

Time. I need to stop the clock. I cant turn 22. I shouldn't have ever turned 18. I'm decaying. Like a log. Slowly

"It's better to burn out, than fade away" - Def Leppard

 

[makethepainstop]

My teeth.
Of all the bullshit in my life, all the chaos and damage and all that I can't even describe feels summarised in the symbolism of my teeth. I grew up in the kind of home where no one made me brush my teeth as a kid or took me to the dentist and by the time I was old enough to look after myself, they were already fucked. And it doesn't matter what I do now. They are ruined.
Some things are fixable. Some things aren't. What's the goddamn point in trying.
I properly looked at my teeth tonight and it made me want to abandon my plans and go walk in front of a train right this second.

I hate not being tall, blue eyed and blond hair. So I guess my appearance is it. To me my lack of those blessed genetic traits, is a severe genetic defect. I sure as hell wish I knew why those traits are so important to me. I have never been considered ugly, or unattractive, yet to my mind I'm hideous. Weird huh?

 

[thedaywillcome]

My brain is broken, genetic error Immp2l

 

[Capsaicin78]

The never ending pain

 

[Akakuro]

Life is just so tiring, always was to me, always will be. It's trite and I didn't ever ask to be alive, yet here I am.

 

[Hollowillow]

I hate not being tall, blue eyed and blond hair. So I guess my appearance is it. To me my lack of those blessed genetic traits, is a severe genetic defect. I sure as hell wish I knew why those traits are so important to me. I have never been considered ugly, or unattractive, yet to my mind I'm hideous. Weird huh?

I wanted to be a different gender... It was hard to accept even more with all the sexual abuse... I just wish I wasn't in pain... Not head acke dizzy, hysterical like a maniac from a brain in acid fire... i miss watching anime...

I feel like... When I'll wake up something precious will have died inside of me. 3rd days without sleep...

 

[doesitreallymatter]

Like most on here, loneliness and the empty feeling that comes with it.
My health isn't great either but that's not the reason just another additional factor

 

[FuneralCry]

Having to be trapped in this prison of a human body, being conscious and aware of everything and just life itself. I have a strong dislike for the concept of life with all it's unlimited cruelty and suffering. I just want eternal nothingness, to be free from everything. It's more rational to want to avoid pain and sleep forever.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Money career hopelessness… I've made stupid choices and blown opportunities… Now I'm completely isolated and getting fat on garbage food… There's no reason to be here anymore…

 

[Hope:-)]

What psychiatric medication et al did to my life. I'm still struggling to come off it. Everything that came with that- the losses, the injustice of trying to better one's life and being so harmed by the act of having tried doing so, people's reactions to what happened with the medication,facial injuries weight gain caused by medication induced mania and inappropriate administering of anti psychotics....everything that came with it over the last 15 and a halfish years.

 

[Life_and_Death]

the one thing i cant seem to work through, that i dont see the point in even trying to work through, is losing my SO. im in physical pain basically 24/7. im dealing with mental health 24/7. i dont really have friends (nothing social for sure). i dont have any family. why continue for nothing??

 

[onetapgandhi]

My parents' divorce

 

[hamtaro]

My health (panic disorder, MDD, GAD; gastro issues; allergic to lots of foods & meds).

 

[Walilamdzii]

The way that someone called David C treated me.

 

[Zegers]

I hate not being tall, blue eyed and blond hair. So I guess my appearance is it. To me my lack of those blessed genetic traits, is a severe genetic defect. I sure as hell wish I knew why those traits are so important to me. I have never been considered ugly, or unattractive, yet to my mind I'm hideous. Weird huh?

but come to think of it, why can't we be the way we want to be? I know how much it hurts not to look the way you feel and it ruins your life in a great extend. I understand that appearance is important in a highly shallow society but if you go out on the street you will see people of all kinds with social lives and partners so probably problem is not only appearance.

 

[Banshee]

Because of how I look, it's not physically or mentally possible for someone to fall in love with me. It's unfortunate but it is what it is. Luckily for me I have just over a month to go before I can get home and finally ctb.

 

[planningmyexit]

For me I would say 2 things are equal in this matter. Lack of romance and failure in the professional world

Because of how I look, it's not physically or mentally possible for someone to fall in love with me. It's unfortunate but it is what it is. Luckily for me I have just over a month to go before I can get home and finally ctb.

Seems about where I'm at