Venting the near future. ignorance. and my ache.

[wastingpotential]

i feel myself decaying more and more everyday. the struggle to leave bed increases more and more, and i don't see the point in anything. this ache in my chest doesn't leave and neither is the horrible idea of what comes in the near future. i wake up everyday with disappointment and resentment that this is my life, that this is what only i have to deal with unwillingly. i'm sick of it. especially when everyone else around me has it easy in life and tells me to not worry, or not care, or that things will get better.

i've seen no reason to continue this life since the moment i had to abandon my cats. and the more days that have passed the more painful it's become to endure and i've lost all reason to keep on going. i'm a shell of whatever i thought i would've been at this time in my life.

every outcome i think of for my life sounds horrible to go through with, each option for a better life i'm given is an illusion, all of them will lead up to more and more pain. i'm so tired. i'm so annoyed. i want my cats back. if i can't have them with me anymore, and i'm forced to continue my life this way, i'd rather be rid of it or disappear from this place entirely before anyone else ever gets the chance to hurt me again.

 

[FuneralCry]

There really is no real relief from suffering in this world and I get that it's so tiring feeling trapped here, it's such a cruel world where people suffer all through no fault of their own. But anyway, I wish you the best, it really is so awful having dread for the future, I find it horrible how there is unlimited potential for existing to get worse.