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suffering

suffering

Too p*ssy to end it, too suicidal to leave
Aug 17, 2018
398
I fucking hate those that keep claiming this. 'Why don't you just kill yourself if you don't like life?" kind of rhetoric. I used to attribute it to malice, but I wonder: how much of it is actually lack of knowledge? Like authentic ignorance of the fact that SUICIDE IS FUCKING HARD.
Did we evolve to have a blind spot for this knowledge? Is it biologically hidden from us? And culturally as well? Hell, they even have a saying that suicide is for cowards. For cowards! PHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Here I am feeling like a coward precisely because I cannot end it, and they claim that actually performing this brave act is in fact an act of cowardice! How twisted is that? It's like living in a madhouse where everyone says the exact opposite of the truth. I wonder: isn't that one of the reasons language was invented? So we can bullshit each other?
When I think about my own life, I realized that I lacked genuine knowledge about this as well. I lived my life in a risky manner, counting on suicide in case things go wrong. It used to be my plan B. And when I actually started to consider it, even before actually approaching an attempt at it, it suddenly hit me: "it's too hard!". Like the veil has been lifted off. But still, even in my naive days, when I thought suicide was doable, I wasn't the type of person who would claim "suicide is easy, why don't you just kill yourself?". So maybe for those people it's actually a mix of both ignorance and malice.

Anyway, I fucking hate mankind.
 
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FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,782
I fucking hate those that keep claiming this. 'Why don't you just kill yourself if you don't like life?" kind of rhetoric. I used to attribute it to malice, but I wonder: how much of it is actually lack of knowledge? Like authentic ignorance of the fact that SUICIDE IS FUCKING HARD. ... When I think about my own life, I realized that I lacked genuine knowledge about this as well. I lived my life in a risky manner, counting on suicide in case things go wrong. It used to be my plan B. And when I actually started to consider it, even before actually approaching an attempt at it, it suddenly hit me: "it's too hard!".

Anyway, I fucking hate mankind.


I agree. The only reason I'm still here is because suicide is not easy. And it's certainly not for cowards. Otherwise, I'd have been gone long before high school.
 
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J

Jean Améry

Enlightened
Mar 17, 2019
1,098
Of course suicide is hard as it goes against our very nature as biological creatures (animals). If it were easy none of us would still be here. I wonder how many people would actually still be alive if there were an off-switch to our brain and flipping it would cause death instantly.

People in general are pretty stupid, ignorant, egotistical and uncaring. They usually only see reality for what it is when it hits them in the face hard.

Imo people generally hate the idea of suicide because it confronts them with the lack of joy and meaning in their own life or the very real possiblity that one day it will become unliveable. They fear that so they hate those who want to die and attempt to do it.

Hence the insane laws everywhere that legitimize incarceration for something that in most countries isn't even illegal anymore. Suicide isn't a crime but if they catch you in the act you will be prosecuted as if it were a crime, all the while claiming it's for your own good...

Hell you're even prosecuted for merely voicing you're considering it which in our culture is a thougth crime which warrants incarceration in the concentration camps they call 'mental hospitals'.

Imo what happens in psychiatry (especially in closed wards) has as much to do with medicine as what the nazi's did during the T4-program: killing innocent people with mental and other disabilities.
 
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RememberWhatUCameFor

RememberWhatUCameFor

dont cry for me im already dead
Nov 20, 2018
590
technically killing yourself isnt that hard - at least it isnt a rocketscience some people make it here

you need an extrem strong will to overcome the survival instict though
 
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J

Jean Améry

Enlightened
Mar 17, 2019
1,098
technically killing yourself isnt that hard - at least it isnt a rocketscience some people make it here

you need an extrem strong will to overcome the survival instict though

You're quite right. Technically speaking it isn't hard if you have the right tool(s) for the job and the knowledge to use it properly. Which a lot of people don't have. If it were legal and nembutal could be purchased from a legitimate source with verification of the product it would be very easy to do.

That's if one can find the courage to actually do it which requires enormous willpower as you said. Humans fear death instinctively, more so if they're indoctrinated with religious madness about an afterlife.

It's also important to go about it with a clear head since emotion and fear will likely mess it up.

Suicide is hard because it requires great courage, a calm mind and access to means one is comfortable with.
 
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Jayxtri

Jayxtri

Student
Mar 6, 2019
123
Suicide is something against our natural instinct....but when you truly hit rock bottom and seems like there's no way out then it overwhelms anything and one ends his life. The fear of the unknown is the greatest and some need extreme trigger to finally ctb, others are easily embracing death. It all depends upon the individual and his situations.
 
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Jc40

Jc40

Specialist
Mar 3, 2019
354
When dying outweighs living, like someone said, hits rock bottom its easier to die than live. Also doing things on impulse. For example my worst self harm has been impulsive, it's not the same though and my attempts at partial hanging have been impulsive. Think it helps. It's definitely not a "cowards way out" as some people say.
 
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RememberWhatUCameFor

RememberWhatUCameFor

dont cry for me im already dead
Nov 20, 2018
590
You're quite right. Technically speaking it isn't hard if you have the right tool(s) for the job and the knowledge to use it properly. Which a lot of people don't have. If it were legal and nembutal could be purchased from a legitimate source with verification of the product it would be very easy to do.

That's if one can find the courage to actually do it which requires enormous willpower as you said. Humans fear death instinctively, more so if they're indoctrinated with religious madness about an afterlife.

It's also important to go about it with a clear head since emotion and fear will likely mess it up.

Suicide is hard because it requires great courage, a calm mind and access to means one is comfortable with.


i recently read about a 9 year old boy in switzerland who hasnt even finished primary school who killed himself by jumping down a bridge

there are people who are close to mental retardation who kill themself by jumping in front of a train

and prisoners manage to kill themself all the time even though they have nothing but a bedsheet and are under constant observation


its not about tools its about will
 
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GeorgeJL

GeorgeJL

Enlightened
Mar 7, 2019
1,621
It is easy if you just believe that it's easy. No really, because if you just believe that it's easy then you will search the Internet for a peaceful method. And you will find that peaceful method. And then suddenly survival instinct isn't that big of a deal. And if you have any other problems related to suicide then you can research how to fix that too. And if you have any problems in your search then you can ask for help. Then survival instinct is a piece of cake, it becomes as easy as taking a pill. That is what I did. Well except that one time I had a psychotic break but that was a whole different story. Anyway, and now I have N in my refrigerator with anti-emetics and I never had a problem with survival instinct. I can now end my life whenever and however I want. All I have to do is take some pills and drink some liquid N and I will fall asleep and exit this life.
 
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Robbyna

Robbyna

Student
Mar 6, 2019
182
I really really want to go, and I have a method readily available (partial hanging). But each time I tie the scarf round my neck I instantly panic. I begin to get into position and as soon as I feel the pressure around my neck I freak out and I just need a few minutes or a few hours or a day to calm down and just relax into it. It seems like it would be easy but it's scary not knowing what you are plunging into. I want to go so bad but at the same time I'm afraid. But, each morning I wake up and say tonight's the night...ironically it's all that gets me through the day. Tonight's the night.
 
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CornerE

CornerE

Needs a savior
Mar 12, 2019
103
Getting physically hurt instead of ctb , THAT is easy .
as in : live the rest of your life in a wheel chair , deformed , with severe painful illness , internally damaged , ... etc .

But the two other ends of the road : ( living perfectly healthy vs dying ) are both really hard .
Doable - but hard .

in between you have the easiest = live in pain .
That is hard to avoid anyway , suicidal or not .

and you're right about them being malice .
they wanna blame you for each and everything . ignore them all you can .
 
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M

Mybattle

Member
Feb 27, 2019
54
live the rest of your life in a wheel chair , deformed , with severe painful illness , internally damaged , ... etc .

How is that easy to accomplish? What methods I mean
 
J

Jean Améry

Enlightened
Mar 17, 2019
1,098
technically killing yourself isnt that hard - at least it isnt a rocketscience some people make it here

you need an extrem strong will to overcome the survival instict though
It is easy if you just believe that it's easy. No really, because if you just believe that it's easy then you will search the Internet for a peaceful method. And you will find that peaceful method. And then suddenly survival instinct isn't that big of a deal. And if you have any other problems related to suicide then you can research how to fix that too. And if you have any problems in your search then you can ask for help. Then survival instinct is a piece of cake, it becomes as easy as taking a pill. That is what I did. Well except that one time I had a psychotic break but that was a whole different story. Anyway, and now I have N in my refrigerator with anti-emetics and I never had a problem with survival instinct. I can now end my life whenever and however I want. All I have to do is take some pills and drink some liquid N and I will fall asleep and exit this life.

I do hope with the right method it will be easy. If I'm confident that a) the method is sound (no or minimal pain, certain death) and b) there is indeed no other reasonable option I should be able to do it. If need be some benzo's and/or alcohol should be sufficient to smooth over any anxiety.

I urgently need to acquire the means so that I'll at least have peace of mind and won't have to fret and worry so much.

Good for you that you have what you need to exit if need be. Do you have a specific date in mind or does it depend upon certain circumstances?
 
CornerE

CornerE

Needs a savior
Mar 12, 2019
103
How is that easy to accomplish? What methods I mean


Live the rest of your life in a wheel chair = paralyzed by jumping off a high building .
I know some who ended up handicapped trying to ctb that way .

Deformed if you lit yourself on fire , some die in agony trying this method and others live in agony.
Deformed also if the train did't decapitate you but cut one of your limps instead .

severe painful illness , internally damaged by most chemical poisons if interrupted ( N is not an exception ) .


Those are the kinds of methods that mostly need some luck , cause people who failed it got screwed .
 
Edrudd

Edrudd

Student
Feb 24, 2019
105
I will try with SN this week... I can't fail
 
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GeorgeJL

GeorgeJL

Enlightened
Mar 7, 2019
1,621
Good for you that you have what you need to exit if need be. Do you have a specific date in mind or does it depend upon certain circumstances?
No date yet. I want to go when I'm an old man. But if my health declines a lot then I will exit life earlier.
 
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J

Jean Améry

Enlightened
Mar 17, 2019
1,098
No date yet. I want to go when I'm an old man. But if my health declines a lot then I will exit life earlier.

That seems like a reasonable proposition. How old are you now if I may ask?
 
TAW122

TAW122

Emissary of the right to die.
Aug 30, 2018
7,011
Oh yes, I've seen this bullshit myth spewed by the ignorant masses of society. If anything, suicide takes a lot of courage and determination to be able to follow through, let alone enough knowledge of methods and proper execution to ensure success (and not a failed attempt). Clearly, most people are indeed ignorant about the courage, planning, and execution of an attempt to ensure a successful suicide.

I have my method (firearm - shotgun) since December and in the short term or if things get too bad, then I have do have an easy way out, but the hardest part would be to make sure that I am able to just overcome fear and SI on command, which I cannot guarantee. Thus, it still takes a great deal of courage and determination (as well as some degree of impulse) in order to ctb.
 
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silentsinger

silentsinger

Experienced
Mar 1, 2019
261
I think it is an extremely difficult thing to do once beginning to consider it seriously. There is a strong amount of fear/anxiety/emotions once confronted with this decision. I also think that regarding it as 'the easy way out' is very narrow minded.
 
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FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,782
I think it is an extremely difficult thing to do once beginning to consider it seriously. There is a strong amount of fear/anxiety/emotions once confronted with this decision. I also think that regarding it as 'the easy way out' is very narrow minded.


Hear, hear!
 
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C

Cookiedough8956

Wowzers
Feb 24, 2019
636
I think it is an extremely difficult thing to do once beginning to consider it seriously. There is a strong amount of fear/anxiety/emotions once confronted with this decision. I also think that regarding it as 'the easy way out' is very narrow minded.

Yes very much so, it's nice to have the passing thoughts, and fantasize it but - once you obtained the materials and 100% serious, it starts getting all too real and you realize what in the world you're about to do.
 
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ShadowOfTheDay

ShadowOfTheDay

Hungry Ghost
Feb 14, 2019
331
I think it is an extremely difficult thing to do once beginning to consider it seriously. There is a strong amount of fear/anxiety/emotions once confronted with this decision. I also think that regarding it as 'the easy way out' is very narrow minded.
I absolutely agree, but what interests me even more is what motivates people to express this sentiment. I don't believe they are trying to convince suicidal people to reconsider. I think they are trying to convince themselves that choosing a "natural" death is somehow the more heroic and laudable decision.
 
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TAW122

TAW122

Emissary of the right to die.
Aug 30, 2018
7,011
I think it is an extremely difficult thing to do once beginning to consider it seriously. There is a strong amount of fear/anxiety/emotions once confronted with this decision. I also think that regarding it as 'the easy way out' is very narrow minded.
Indeed, I would say that once I've considered it, there are three major emotions flowing through, fear, relief, and sadness at least for me. Fear arises from not being sure if I am able to follow through or if things will go to plan (no interruptions, change in plans, last minute fuck ups, etc.). Relief from knowing that all my problems will become irrelevant once I'm dead. Finally, sadness because this is what it has come down to, not something that I wished to happen (if only life was better).

As of now, not actively going to ctb, but I've answered it from a pov and from when I was actively suicidal.
 
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FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,782
Yes very much so, it's nice to have the passing thoughts, and fantasize it but - once you obtained the materials and 100% serious, it starts getting all too real and you realize what in the world you're about to do.


I agree. This is why I've been thinking that that may be the time for drugs. Something that allows you to still think reasonably straight but that calms you down deeply. I just need enough time to position a shotgun & pull a trigger. But you're also right that even with euthanasia (like the Sarco Capsule), someone might need some kind of drug to help them stay calm, get into the capsule, and relax for the few seconds it takes for the nitrogen gas to work its way into the lungs.

I really appreciate your post. I know now I need to start researching other drugs to accompany my methods, too. Thanks a lot.
 
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esclava

esclava

Professional fence sitter
Mar 15, 2019
41
The only reason I'm still here is lack of a foolproof method. Research, planning, and the rest are not easy, but worth it when I finally ctb
 
J

Jean Améry

Enlightened
Mar 17, 2019
1,098
i recently read about a 9 year old boy in switzerland who hasnt even finished primary school who killed himself by jumping down a bridge

there are people who are close to mental retardation who kill themself by jumping in front of a train

and prisoners manage to kill themself all the time even though they have nothing but a bedsheet and are under constant observation


its not about tools its about will

Theoretically one could commit suicide by drowning in pig shit but who could bring him/herself to do that even if say it was the only option?

I'm sure a lot of people are willing and able to die when they know their death will be fairly peaceful, certain and painfree. Very few would willingly take their own life if they knew it was going to be extremely painful and prolongend.

The only way I see myself CTB'ing by jumping from a height or in front of a train is if I've lost my mind completely. I'm not sure that counts as 'will' though.

Your examples are extreme and not representative of most people. For normal, sane people the tool does matter as it has a direct bearing on their will to actually do it.
My therapist literally said that it's easy, oof.

Next time ask her to prove it.
 
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dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Feb 18, 2019
1,298
Suicide being easy, I tell you one thing... Not for me... No its not..

I'm getting my 2nd bottle of N this weekend... and I already started to doubt...

It is easy if you just believe that it's easy. No really, because if you just believe that it's easy then you will search the Internet for a peaceful method. And you will find that peaceful method. ........... Anyway, and now I have N in my refrigerator with anti-emetics and I never had a problem with survival instinct. I can now end my life whenever and however I want. All I have to do is take some pills and drink some liquid N and I will fall asleep and exit this life.

So? Having N in the refrigerator is easy but does it makes you brave enough to drink it.
This is poor old century thinking....
"Believing its easy makes it easy"
Then why not:
"Believe you are happy and you will be happy."
"Believe you are awesome and you will be awesome, then you will not want to ctb."
I hate that kind of reasoning and thinking.


The problem is not aquiring and getting N, ------- > the hard part is to drink it! Even pouring it on a glass is easy...
 
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GeorgeJL

GeorgeJL

Enlightened
Mar 7, 2019
1,621
Suicide being easy, I tell you one thing... Not for me... No its not..

I'm getting my 2nd bottle of N this weekend... and I already started to doubt...



So? Having N in the refrigerator is easy but does it makes you brave enough to drink it.
This is poor old century thinking....
"Believing its easy makes it easy"
Then why not:
"Believe you are happy and you will be happy."
"Believe you are awesome and you will be awesome, then you will not want to ctb."
I hate that kind of reasoning and thinking.


The problem is not aquiring and getting N, ------- > the hard part is to drink it! Even pouring it on a glass is easy...
When I say believe I don't mean just beliving it in an isolated ideal sense. I mean believing it as if your life depended on it. Like you embody it and live it, taking it to heart.
 
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