The more years pass the worse it will get

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

My life is fucked up since 2014. And I think I should have ended it back then. Now I'm 27 and all I do is torture myself with things could be doing if everything was right. This is hell. And don't want to live more years. I guess I've lived enough to experience life there is nothing left I want to do. Nothing motivates me. I've just had enough of life. It's like being forced to watch a movie you don't want to keep watching. I feel like that.

 

[Гууу]

Same. And i don't feel ashamed about it.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Seriously I dont know how I managed to survived 6 years but I don't like anything of this. I'm ashamed of myself. No I'm going to sleep. Hope I don't wake up. Love you all

 

[Squiddy]

I know how you feel. I've also had enough of life and I'm only 21

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I feel the same. I wish I had been able to end it in my teens. It seemed to get a little better in my mid 20's but that was an illusion.
It just gets worse year after year. I wish you the best whatever your plans are.

 

[selfhater]

same i'm 21 but i've been beyond pain and trauma and now is getting worse than ever

 

[Mr2005]

Seriously I dont know how I managed to survived 6 years but I don't like anything of this. I'm ashamed of myself. No I'm going to sleep. Hope I don't wake up. Love you all

Imagine going six years without even trying to help yourself. That's what I did and I've managed to live with it for over ten. I'm 33 now and don't see how it can possibly get better. It's just whether what you have is enough. I never expected to die this early I just thought I'd have done a lot more by now.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

I have felt the same for over 30 years. Pretty bad childhood full of abuse and always feeling like an outsider. I figured as an adult it would surely get better? Nope. Just a life filled with rejection, explotation, horrible choices, fucked up relationships and barely making it in this world. Only thing keeping me tethered to this world is the one person I love and how my sudden death would devastate her. Sometimes, I wish she would just let me go and forget me just so I could get some peace and not have to suffer, but, here I am. God I wish I could simply find a time portal so I could make my mom miscarry when she was pregnant with me....

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I have felt the same for over 30 years. Pretty bad childhood full of abuse and always feeling like an outsider. I figured as an adult it would surely get better? Nope. Just a life filled with rejection, explotation, horrible choices, fucked up relationships and barely making it in this world. Only thing keeping me tethered to this world is the one person I love and how my sudden death would devastate her. Sometimes, I wish she would just let me go and forget me just so I could get some peace and not have to suffer, but, here I am. God I wish I could simply find a time portal so I could make my mom miscarry when she was pregnant with me....

So sorry for your childhood. Mine wasn't abusive but we didn't have a lot of money … still don't. I've always felt like an outsider too.
I've never fit in. I don't care at this point anymore. I know my death would devastate my parents. They are extremely religious.
I wish I could go back in time as well to prevent my birth.

 

[ThisIsIt]

Roughly the same. I'm 27. 2014 doesn't seem like it was 6 years ago. Last decade was mostly a blur with 1 good year, but that ended as quickly as it began.

 

[thx1138]

There seems to be some evidence that depression with later onset in life is treatable. It's mostly those who have it since childhood who will have it for the rest of their lives. So OP even if you've been feeling this way since 2014, there might still be hope. But I totally understand feeling like there is nothing left to do and you just want it to end. Sending you lots of love.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

There seems to be some evidence that depression with later onset in life is treatable. It's mostly those who have it since childhood who will have it for the rest of their lives. So OP even if you've been feeling this way since 2014, there might still be hope. But I totally understand feeling like there is nothing left to do and you just want it to end. Sending you lots of love.

So if I've had it since I was child … I'm screwed.