Discussion The more research I do the more I fear failure

[Iwantoutrightnow]

Has anyone else found that the more they research methods the more scared they become?

At first I thought the more informed I am about the method the likelier I am to succeed but all it seems to have done is increase my fear of failure.

Every method has a possibility of failure with it's risks of brain damage/organ damage/physical disability/time on the psych ward etc. I don't want to fail again, I need to get it right.

I've mentioned before about jumping. The place I'm thinking of jumping from is over 500ft at it's highest but I've still read of people surviving. That's if they don't pause because of si and get stopped by patrols and sectioned.

Nothing in life is guaranteed and that includes ending life. It's so depressing. Everyday is always one step closer to the last day, ctb or not but it feels like I'm slowly dying of not dying.

 

[Robbyna]

I can fully relate to this. I've become very fearful of failing and the unknown of death.

 

[fisil]

I feel you.

 

[Iwantoutrightnow]

I don't want to be scared anymore. I wasn't scared when I thought I was getting N, I was so relieved thinking the end was in sight. Now I can't get N and everything else terrifies me.

I have my Aunt's taunts of 'you would have done it by now' and 'you only fail if you don't really want to do it' ringing through my head, reminding me of the dangers of failing.

A jump from 500ft should do it, right? But I've still got to get there which is the 1st problem for me.

I'm ready, I just lack courage

 

[Sh00]

I'm more scared of the pain during the actual attempt than anything else.
Not too scared of failure. Would have to be extremely unlucky to be left with locked-in sydrome or something. If I'm still aware, I'm confident I could still find a way. If I'm left pretty much a vegetable - great. I won't be aware of my suffering.
Spent time on a psych ward before. Truth is mental health services are crap. They don't have much funding/resources and don't want to keep you there. Just pretend to be depressed but not imminently suicidal and you'll get out.

 

[Zzzzz]

A jump from 500ft should do it, right? But I've still got to get there which is the 1st problem for me.

500 ft is extremely likely to result in death.

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

I don't want to be scared anymore. I wasn't scared when I thought I was getting N, I was so relieved thinking the end was in sight. Now I can't get N and everything else terrifies me.

I have my Aunt's taunts of 'you would have done it by now' and 'you only fail if you don't really want to do it' ringing through my head, reminding me of the dangers of failing.

A jump from 500ft should do it, right? But I've still got to get there which is the 1st problem for me.

I'm ready, I just lack courage

The stories of people surviving from the place you're thinking of (I think) are those who didn't choose the highest point and without sheer drops. They landed on ledges not far down. If you fall from 500ft onto rocks there is no chance of survival. You'd probably reach very high speeds falling and the sudden stop alone would give you fatal internal damage. Never mind the hard rocks you also hit.
I am considering that place too as well as using SN if not.

 

[Pupuce]

A jump from 500ft should do it, right? But I've still got to get there which is the 1st problem for me.

Assuming you weigh around 70kg, you hit the ground as hard as a car on a highway would hit a wall. But you are far less resistant to brutal stop.

For reference:
Gravity at 9.81 m/s²
Terminal velocity at 54 m/s²
Duration of the fall ~5.5s
Kinetic energy ~100 000J

*Nerd flies away*

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

Assuming you weigh around 70kg, you hit the ground as hard as a car on a highway would hit a wall. But you are far less resistant to brutal stop.

For reference:
Gravity at 9.81 m/s²
Terminal velocity at 54 m/s²
Duration of the fall ~5.5s
Kinetic energy ~100 000J

*Nerd flies away*

I'm around 80kg so should hit the ground faster. Definitely not surviving that!

 

[Pupuce]

I'm around 80kg so should hit the ground faster. Definitely not surviving that!

I started as a nerd so might as well keep going, please bear with the science nazi i am.
You wouldn't hit the ground faster, as weight doesn't act on the falling speed, though it does indeed make the strength of the impact higher.
That's why adding weight to yourself with weights isn't reliable at all. You would need to be sandwiched between the weights and the ground at the very moment you hit the ground, otherwise it's a complete waste of time and money.
Though to further diminish you nil chances of survival, drink beer to dehydrate your body or take anticoagulant as to fluidify your blood before jumping.

 

[keara]

Has anyone else found that the more they research methods the more scared they become?

At first I thought the more informed I am about the method the likelier I am to succeed but all it seems to have done is increase my fear of failure.

Every method has a possibility of failure with it's risks of brain damage/organ damage/physical disability/time on the psych ward etc. I don't want to fail again, I need to get it right.

I've mentioned before about jumping. The place I'm thinking of jumping from is over 500ft at it's highest but I've still read of people surviving. That's if they don't pause because of si and get stopped by patrols and sectioned.

Nothing in life is guaranteed and that includes ending life. It's so depressing. Everyday is always one step closer to the last day, ctb or not but it feels like I'm slowly dying of not dying.

Totally relate. My worst fear is a failed attempt that ends up making life even more shit than it already is.

 

[Aliaiactaest]

I have long been afraid of heights. The Freudian explanation is that you are afraid you will jump and so resolve that by developing a phobia. In my case, I think that is correct. I do not think I could I could jump. It would be too frightening.

My conclusion is that, properly done, the pain in many acts is likely modest. But it is the horror of the act, and getting yourself to do that act, that is most painful. After all my research, I have concluded that N is by far the best. That is why it is the gold standard.

 

[Codieb1]

Either have to get a method you're extremely sure will work, or one that has little consequence after failure. Serious impact (jumping, gun, train etc) or something like SN.

 

[Meg]

Has anyone else found that the more they research methods the more scared they become?

At first I thought the more informed I am about the method the likelier I am to succeed but all it seems to have done is increase my fear of failure.

Every method has a possibility of failure with it's risks of brain damage/organ damage/physical disability/time on the psych ward etc. I don't want to fail again, I need to get it right.

I've mentioned before about jumping. The place I'm thinking of jumping from is over 500ft at it's highest but I've still read of people surviving. That's if they don't pause because of si and get stopped by patrols and sectioned.

Nothing in life is guaranteed and that includes ending life. It's so depressing. Everyday is always one step closer to the last day, ctb or not but it feels like I'm slowly dying of not dying.

I totally agree with your post

 

[TimeToDie]

This forum looks to be anti-suicide when you post a method and everyone tells you how you'll surely live. Like if you said you were going to blow your head off with a shotgun -- OMG, you'll end up in the loony bin with a face transplant!!!!

We may end up living to a ripe old age, spending the next few decades trying to find that perfect suicide method that doesn't exist.

 

[Amber1974]

I'm going with CO via charcoal grill in bathroom
I'm going with CO via charcoal grill in bathroom

 

[marcusuk63]

Vesna Vulović
was a flight attendant and in 1972 ,a suitcase bomb went off and blew her out of the plane at 33,330 feet she landed on a snow covered hill and survived !
So you could say no height is foolproof lol

How Vesna VuloviÄ Survived A 33,330 Feet Fall Out Of The Sky

Vesna VuloviÄ thought JAT Flight 367 would be like any other. Instead, she found herself falling out of the sky and miraculously surviving.

allthatsinteresting.com

 

[LivingToLong]

Researching makes you aware of what might go wrong, so that you can make the right preparations and avoid making mistakes. Research makes it more likely that your CBT will be successful.

So it shouldn't make you more afraid, quite the opposite really. You should feel more confident about the success of your chosen method.

I think people on this forum are, in general, different from those that impulsively CBT. People here have taken a considered decision to CBT. They ideally want a method that is painless and clean, and that involves reading up on the options. Not all options are open nor accessible to all. It can be frustrating to exclude certain methods but it does not diminish the desire to CBT. Perhaps we'll reach the point where we decide that the impulsive method is the only way left, but we're not there yet.

Don't be distracted by taunts of "you'd have done it by now" from uncaring people. You'll get there in your own time, using your chosen and well prepared method. Take confidence in the research.

 

[marcusuk63]

if you take heed to "what might go wrong " you would never buy a car , house , phone or take a holiday

 

[Oblivion Lover]

I can relate. When I first learned about my chosen method, SN, it looked perfect for me. Cheap, reliable if done correctly and peaceful. Sure, you will become an ugly smurf after you go, but that's the least of my concerns, and that's much better than what happens with your body with more violent methods. But then I started doing some deeper research of this method, and its flaws became evident. It's effects are easily reversible if you're found, you may have seizures before dying and, as with any method that deprives the tissues of oxygen, there's a risk of brain damage if you survive, although it is very small.
That's not going to stop me from using it as my method, though. Any method has its flaws and risks, but I feel like it's completely worth it if it means that there's a good chance that I will die. If anything, knowing about the risks of my method has made me more comfortable with using it as I'm sure of what could happen if it goes wrong and I'm going to make a point of writing in my note that I will like to be euthanised if I end up as a vegetable. It also helps with my overly cautious personality as I know perfectly what I'm getting with no biased opinions on it.

 

[pole]

Has anyone else found that the more they research methods the more scared they become?

At first I thought the more informed I am about the method the likelier I am to succeed but all it seems to have done is increase my fear of failure.

Every method has a possibility of failure with it's risks of brain damage/organ damage/physical disability/time on the psych ward etc. I don't want to fail again, I need to get it right.

I've mentioned before about jumping. The place I'm thinking of jumping from is over 500ft at it's highest but I've still read of people surviving. That's if they don't pause because of si and get stopped by patrols and sectioned.

Nothing in life is guaranteed and that includes ending life. It's so depressing. Everyday is always one step closer to the last day, ctb or not but it feels like I'm slowly dying of not dying.

i really really really wanted SN to work. but ultimately, i realized failure of this was inevitable. i'd most likely puke it out and not be able to control the pain and thus call the police.

I've just been trying to save up for N now, best gurantee for death. and its peaceful. i wish it was affordable for all of us.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Has anyone else found that the more they research methods the more scared they become?

At first I thought the more informed I am about the method the likelier I am to succeed but all it seems to have done is increase my fear of failure.

Every method has a possibility of failure with it's risks of brain damage/organ damage/physical disability/time on the psych ward etc. I don't want to fail again, I need to get it right.

I've mentioned before about jumping. The place I'm thinking of jumping from is over 500ft at it's highest but I've still read of people surviving. That's if they don't pause because of si and get stopped by patrols and sectioned.

Nothing in life is guaranteed and that includes ending life. It's so depressing. Everyday is always one step closer to the last day, ctb or not but it feels like I'm slowly dying of not dying.

Your not researching correctly then. You can check the PPH. What is the problem with using N?

 

[Iwantoutrightnow]

I can't afford N. I didn't research enough, I didn't know about PPeh or this site and I tried to buy N but it was a scam. I lost all my money.

Now I've done loads of research and I'm scared by all methods for fear of failure.

 

[Zzzzz]

I can't afford N. I didn't research enough, I didn't know about PPeh or this site and I tried to buy N but it was a scam. I lost all my money.

Now I've done loads of research and I'm scared by all methods for fear of failure.

Some fear of failure is normal for all of us. But there is a difference between the possibility of failure and the likelihood of failure. If a method has a 95 percent success rate, the odds are in your favor. But, I don't recommend you attempt anything that you don't strongly believe will result in your desired outcome. I believe if certain methods are performed correctly , then they are virtually guaranteed to succeed.

 

[Iwantoutrightnow]

I think I'm just stuck in the grips of fear in general. I'm scared of getting out of bed in the morning, I'm scared of going to bed at night, I'm scared of leaving my flat, I'm scared being alone in my flat, I'm scared of my neighbours....the list goes on.

I'm tired of being scared, I really want to go to my jumping place, there is a coach on Saturday. Rationality tells me that most people who jump there succeed, it's just an unfortunate few that survive but they are the ones who make the papers and internet.

I need to overcome my fear of leaving the flat first though.

 

[Iwantoutrightnow]

Sorry to double post.

I've been looking at trains and coaches to my jumping place and I have to go via and change at a major airport. I know it sounds stupid but I'm so scared by this. I'm not very good at negotiating public transport and coping with lots of people.

It feels like I sound like I'm just putting obstacles in my own way of ctb. Again, I can hear my Aunt saying 'if you really meant it...' but I'm just so messed up contemplating complicated journeys or actions is too much, I can't make a coherent plan.

I haven't been able to leave my flat to go to the shop and but food for ages, nevermind do a complicated journey. I want to end this nightmare but it's all so hard

 

[blvck]

Assuming you weigh around 70kg, you hit the ground as hard as a car on a highway would hit a wall. But you are far less resistant to brutal stop.

For reference:
Gravity at 9.81 m/s²
Terminal velocity at 54 m/s²
Duration of the fall ~5.5s
Kinetic energy ~100 000J

*Nerd flies away*

cute

 

[eewlife]

Finally someone like me , i work at medical field i have every information to intended however i want to kms i can even get N freely but the more I prepare myself the more im scared of outcome like what if i fail ? What if someone rescue me and they send me to somewhere dark and unwanted i hate that im overthinking

 

[hypo666]

I failed in an attempt, was spotted by patrols at beachy head and the police detained me. I realise my mistake was not to just run towards the edge and jump off, I hung around and hesitated, then because I had SI, I decided maybe the wind and balance would do the job for me and got right to the edge and stood on one leg and shut my eyes. All I succeeded in doing is making myself conspicious to those that patrol that place. I know now the place at beachy head that is the highest point and if I do again I won't make those mistakes again. Things have not got better for me but worse still, and I feel shortly Iam going to try again. It has been made more complicated because my long lost brother has got back in touch and has visited me. Iam living in a kind of limbo, I also fear failure ,but I think what happens is in the end you just get so tired of life that an acceptance happens that your time is up. The worry of failing will not be as much as a restraint as it was, you will be in such desperation that any risk is worth it to have peace. I know this because my attitude is different now to what it was months before, I truly think my life is finished Iam trapped and there is no way to solve the mess Iam in. Iam more irritable and I find myself missing doctors appointments ,blood tests because I dont think it matters as I will not be alive much longer anyway. Iam becoming so desperate to escape the mess Iam in.

 

[HGL91]

Finally someone like me , i work at medical field i have every information to intended however i want to kms i can even get N freely but the more I prepare myself the more im scared of outcome like what if i fail ? What if someone rescue me and they send me to somewhere dark and unwanted i hate that im overthinking

What do you do in the medical field? I studied Nursing while working as a CNA and it literally made me lose my mind. I became so paranoid about health issues. I don't know how people in the medical field stay so calm for years doing those jobs. It just seems like potential health issues are everywhere and I can't stop having panic attacks.