sylvaticus
Member
- Mar 10, 2024
- 9
I think there's no need for me to feel sad about the prospect of death. I knew seven years ago that this was how it would end for me. I just didn't know how to do it then. I didn't even know what mental illness was, except for anecdotal cases where violent people were locked up inside hospitals.
In the ensuing years, my depression and anxiety got progressively worse. I distanced myself from what few people I had in my life. At some point, I had no one. It was then I should have gone through with the deed. But I didn't. I'd had lot of practice at living in denial. Pain scared me. Failure scared me. Lack of access to relatively painless methods scared and further depressed me. So I waited for a miracle, not knowing how unfortunate I really was. Miracles do not happen to cursed wretches like me.
And here I am now. Broke, suicidal, and alone. I have nothing to look forward to. I have no one to even talk to about my pain.
Seven years. I think I have humiliated myself long enough. I want to end this story. I want to destroy my world as I know it.
I have decided upon hanging. First I will try partial suspension. If that fails, I'll go for full suspension. That must do it.
In the ensuing years, my depression and anxiety got progressively worse. I distanced myself from what few people I had in my life. At some point, I had no one. It was then I should have gone through with the deed. But I didn't. I'd had lot of practice at living in denial. Pain scared me. Failure scared me. Lack of access to relatively painless methods scared and further depressed me. So I waited for a miracle, not knowing how unfortunate I really was. Miracles do not happen to cursed wretches like me.
And here I am now. Broke, suicidal, and alone. I have nothing to look forward to. I have no one to even talk to about my pain.
Seven years. I think I have humiliated myself long enough. I want to end this story. I want to destroy my world as I know it.
I have decided upon hanging. First I will try partial suspension. If that fails, I'll go for full suspension. That must do it.
