Venting The loneliness is killing me

[cowbain]

I've spent so much of my life alone. No friends, no significant others, no family. I know it shouldn't matter. Everyone always says that you have to be comfortable with your own company first and I do agree with that. But where does the line get drawn? Can humans really go through hell and back all alone with 0 human contact? I think for me after dealing with narcissists 24/7, too much stress and shitty situations for one to count, severe mental illness, trauma, and going through every type of abuse since a young age, I don't know if I can handle being alone... at least not until life is bearable. But life has been absolutely hell, especially the past 2 1/2 years. I'm tired of living like this and hearing people who have no idea what it's like telling me that life will get better. It's just gotten worse. I wish I could just wake up soon with the guarantee that life will be better.. wake up tomorrow and feel safe.

 

[Woodnote]

I know how you feel. I'm alone too. I don't think any human can survive like this.

 

[Sadwind]

I know how you feel about being abused. I am sorry that you suffer in this way. I have one friend and I am very lucky. I want that safe feeling too. I'm trying. I hope it finds you.

 

[ALittleBurden]

Valuing one's own company is important but struggling alone makes everything harder. Just the sole fact of not being able to tell anyone about what you're going through is so miserable.

 

[Notf1xable]

I'm alone and isolated myself for my own well being, I've had too many people I thought I could trust have ulterior motives. I wish instead of focusing on being in a relationship I had focused on other things (going to school, a career, hobbies). The problem is people are going to be who they are in the end. And when you are accustomed to abuse you are more likely to find abusive relationships. I didn't even know what I was experiencing was abuse until it was too late.

The funny thing is the few people that call me a friend, and I'm not sure how they do. Are also the people that say all sorts of bs about not wanting me to ctb. Yet they give backhanded compliments, are never around as a friend unless they are getting something from me (money), or make plans and disappear. I'm sure they will claim bs when I ctb, but I've updated my notes because of their behavior. IMHO people are more about stepping on other people to make themselves feel better. I also got into a disagreement because one of them thought it's okay to talk to men in relationships. I hate cheating and cheating culture and she brags about her "moneybags" men she has. But wonders why she has drama and all sorts of other stuff. The other one is a "single mom" and is always broke but she switches out boyfriends so much. She got mad at me cause to get over my stuff I need to apparently just start sleeping with a bunch of men. It's really frustrating because even my sister has kinda pushed that on me too. All these people think they have the correct answer and telling me if I just sleep around my life is going to get better *eye rolls*.

Sorry for the vent, I'm just sick of people that don't have their stuff together acting like they know all the answers. And the answers they are giving aren't helpful.

 

[WhiteDespair]

@cowbain IIRC it was Aristotle who said the only man who can live in isolation is either a god or a beast. So, human contact is necessary. As repugnant as that idea is.

Going through the different forms of abuse sucks and hits you in so many different ways and from so many different angles. I can relate. Mother was a narcissist and gave me a nice education in full-spectrum abuse.

I don't talk to people about this because I'll really just get those same platitudes that you hate. It'll get better? When? How come I need it to get better in the first place? What, reasonably, can I get at this time?

You're right. People don't understand. They don't have a frame of reference. That adds to the isolation doesn't it? Combined with the platitudes it's so dreary.

I don't know if I have any advice for you. I would prefer the isolation. I'm good at it. I'm used to it. I get close to people then freak out when I let them in so I push them away. So, yeah, maybe this place can get a movie night together. Or, something. That could help. Maybe.

 

[morningdew]

it's difficult to be alone. i just try to find a little project everyday to keep my mind busy for awhile.

 

[not4us]

I am willing to be your friend :) txt me if you wanna talk

 

[Jean4]

51 years old. Never had a friend. Never had a family. I have always been alone. I wouldn't know what it was like to go to a movie with a friend. Something as simple as that. For the first time, I have friends on this board. It is also a learning experience for me... what it is like to have a friend.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I've spent so much of my life alone. No friends, no significant others, no family. I know it shouldn't matter. Everyone always says that you have to be comfortable with your own company first and I do agree with that. But where does the line get drawn? Can humans really go through hell and back all alone with 0 human contact? I think for me after dealing with narcissists 24/7, too much stress and shitty situations for one to count, severe mental illness, trauma, and going through every type of abuse since a young age, I don't know if I can handle being alone... at least not until life is bearable. But life has been absolutely hell, especially the past 2 1/2 years. I'm tired of living like this and hearing people who have no idea what it's like telling me that life will get better. It's just gotten worse. I wish I could just wake up soon with the guarantee that life will be better.. wake up tomorrow and feel safe.

I can relate to you. I've been in isolation for 14 years since the age of 20 when I got sick. Never had a boyfriend, I've had friends but they left when I got sick, and I'm unable to be around my family because of my illness. Not sure I'd want to be around them anyway. No it's not right to go through life alone so don't listen to people who tell you that. Yes you have to be comfortable with yourself but you're right....there's a line. Everyone should know what love is like. Everyone should have friends and family. Co workers. People who support and love you. It kills me that I'm going to die never knowing what love is like. If you need to talk PM me.

@cowbain IIRC it was Aristotle who said the only man who can live in isolation is either a god or a beast. So, human contact is necessary. As repugnant as that idea is.

Going through the different forms of abuse sucks and hits you in so many different ways and from so many different angles. I can relate. Mother was a narcissist and gave me a nice education in full-spectrum abuse.

I don't talk to people about this because I'll really just get those same platitudes that you hate. It'll get better? When? How come I need it to get better in the first place? What, reasonably, can I get at this time?

You're right. People don't understand. They don't have a frame of reference. That adds to the isolation doesn't it? Combined with the platitudes it's so dreary.

I don't know if I have any advice for you. I would prefer the isolation. I'm good at it. I'm used to it. I get close to people then freak out when I let them in so I push them away. So, yeah, maybe this place can get a movie night together. Or, something. That could help. Maybe.

I guess that makes me a Goddess haha.

 

[cowbain]

I'm alone and isolated myself for my own well being, I've had too many people I thought I could trust have ulterior motives. I wish instead of focusing on being in a relationship I had focused on other things (going to school, a career, hobbies). The problem is people are going to be who they are in the end. And when you are accustomed to abuse you are more likely to find abusive relationships. I didn't even know what I was experiencing was abuse until it was too late.

God I relate so much to this. I had a really great opportunity, I got accepted into early college at 14. I was going to graduate with my hs dilpoma + an associates degree for free. Like 3 months into it, ocd hit me hard. I had not clue what it was either. My parents are abusive, we never talked about emotions and they never taught me how to talk about emotions. I was so embarrassed and confused. The obsession was so stupid and irrational I knew I couldn't tell my parents about it, I didn't even know it was a thing that needed to be talked about. Once my grades started slipping I felt like I lost myself. I went from an A student to almost making my first C ever that year. Eventually the ocd got so bad to the point where I stopped going. I had already missed a lot of days from being in the hospital anyways. I think stress was the trigger that caused the ocd to start happening. Leading up to it that year a lot of shitty things happened. Transitioning from middle school to high school is already difficult for "normal people" but I was also dealing with my dad almost dying, no being able to play sports that year since my dad broke his legs and necks and I couldn't practice that summer, the same week of my dad almost dying my house getting broken into, financial struggles, shady things happening with a realtor & mortgage company... we had to sell my dads car just to be able to pay for the closings costs and in the end we were lied to and highly discriminated against and never got the house anyways, and this entire time my parents were abusive and I didn't even realize it. I didn't learn about narcissists until I was 16. Even if the signs were obvious (my dad selling drugs in front of me since I was a kid, being raped multiple times as a kid and my family being unsupportive, my dad beating me, the verbal/mental/emotional abuse, etc.) I always just pushed it aside. I did that for years. I thought since I was doing well academically and with sports I could just ignore them until I turned 18 and then I could finally be free. But it doesn't always work out like that, things will come to bite you in the ass when you least expect it. I really wish I would've just had one person I could've depended on. One person that would've told me not to stop going to school and to keep trying. One person that would've realized how full of shit my parents were.

 

[Lethe]

@cowbain IIRC it was Aristotle who said the only man who can live in isolation is either a god or a beast.

Oh wow, that's eerily relatable. In fact I've typed that same thing almost word-for-word on this site before, how bizarre! I've never seen that quote before, either.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I know how you feel. I'm alone too. I don't think any human can survive like this.

They can't. It's inhumane. It's one of the reasons why I'm leaving this miserable life

God I relate so much to this. I had a really great opportunity, I got accepted into early college at 14. I was going to graduate with my hs dilpoma + an associates degree for free. Like 3 months into it, ocd hit me hard. I had not clue what it was either. My parents are abusive, we never talked about emotions and they never taught me how to talk about emotions. I was so embarrassed and confused. The obsession was so stupid and irrational I knew I couldn't tell my parents about it, I didn't even know it was a thing that needed to be talked about. Once my grades started slipping I felt like I lost myself. I went from an A student to almost making my first C ever that year. Eventually the ocd got so bad to the point where I stopped going. I had already missed a lot of days from being in the hospital anyways. I think stress was the trigger that caused the ocd to start happening. Leading up to it that year a lot of shitty things happened. Transitioning from middle school to high school is already difficult for "normal people" but I was also dealing with my dad almost dying, no being able to play sports that year since my dad broke his legs and necks and I couldn't practice that summer, the same week of my dad almost dying my house getting broken into, financial struggles, shady things happening with a realtor & mortgage company... we had to sell my dads car just to be able to pay for the closings costs and in the end we were lied to and highly discriminated against and never got the house anyways, and this entire time my parents were abusive and I didn't even realize it. I didn't learn about narcissists until I was 16. Even if the signs were obvious (my dad selling drugs in front of me since I was a kid, being raped multiple times as a kid and my family being unsupportive, my dad beating me, the verbal/mental/emotional abuse, etc.) I always just pushed it aside. I did that for years. I thought since I was doing well academically and with sports I could just ignore them until I turned 18 and then I could finally be free. But it doesn't always work out like that, things will come to bite you in the ass when you least expect it. I really wish I would've just had one person I could've depended on. One person that would've told me not to stop going to school and to keep trying. One person that would've realized how full of shit my parents were.

My heart breaks to hear your story. Yes ocd is a bitch and a half. I have it as well. I think j was born with it. I remember doing things and worrying about things as a kid that no kid would ever even think to worry about. And OCD just feeds off of stress and that is when it's as it's strongest. You're talking about your feelings very well right now. Don't underestimate yourself. You're communicating very well with everyone. Don't sell yourself short. Again just message me if you need to talk.

 

[purplemoon]

I've spent so much of my life alone. No friends, no significant others, no family. I know it shouldn't matter. Everyone always says that you have to be comfortable with your own company first and I do agree with that. But where does the line get drawn? Can humans really go through hell and back all alone with 0 human contact? I think for me after dealing with narcissists 24/7, too much stress and shitty situations for one to count, severe mental illness, trauma, and going through every type of abuse since a young age, I don't know if I can handle being alone... at least not until life is bearable. But life has been absolutely hell, especially the past 2 1/2 years. I'm tired of living like this and hearing people who have no idea what it's like telling me that life will get better. It's just gotten worse. I wish I could just wake up soon with the guarantee that life will be better.. wake up tomorrow and feel safe.

It's reassuring to me and it seems to many others on here, that it's very damaging and depressing to not have good people that you can trust and count on to actually care and be there for you in life. Too many insensitive or completely unrealistic people (especially my sister) have what I refer to as "theories", about how a person "should" be "able to handle" x,y,z in life... In reality, it simply does not work that way, it's easy for these types of people to just preach or throughout what they think is advice when they have never lived at them selves and they don't understand the impact it has on our health physically and emotionally.

There have even been studies done on other social type species such as dolphins and primates, and what they have found is those that end up isolated for whatever reason, tend to have more severe health problems physically, more depression and frustration tendencies, and shorter lifespans. I suppose the shorter lifespan is a blessing in disguise.

I don't have any security in this world other than myself, so when I sense that physically or financially (or circumstances beyond my control) I am either near or entering dire straits, I panic, have extreme anxiety, can barely tolerate any additional stress, and it is overwhelming. It takes up so much of my physical energy I have almost nothing left sometimes. I'm sure many on here can relate?

If it's any mild consolation, in a sense, at least we have each other on here, and you know that it's not really you, it's this world and this species...

And no, we're not designed to just be alone and miserable, everybody could use a little help and goodness around them. That's just nature. It's all these theories that are illusions, not reality.

What is completely ironic to me is that the majority of people on here like me that are suicidal actually seem to be highly intelligent and insightful, much more so than the average person out there doling out unrealistic "advice"... that doesn't work for many people.

Can anyone explain that? Is it just because we woke up?

 

[cowbain]

They can't. It's inhumane. It's one of the reasons why I'm leaving this miserable life

My heart breaks to hear your story. Yes ocd is a bitch and a half. I have it as well. I think j was born with it. I remember doing things and worrying about things as a kid that no kid would ever even think to worry about. And OCD just feeds off of stress and that is when it's as it's strongest. You're talking about your feelings very well right now. Don't underestimate yourself. You're communicating very well with everyone. Don't sell yourself short. Again just message me if you need to talk.

Thank you, I appreciate it <3

It's reassuring to me and it seems to many others on here, that it's very damaging and depressing to not have good people that you can trust and count on to actually care and be there for you in life. Too many insensitive or completely unrealistic people (especially my sister) have what I refer to as "theories", about how a person "should" be "able to handle" x,y,z in life... In reality, it simply does not work that way, it's easy for these types of people to just preach or throughout what they think is advice when they have never lived at them selves and they don't understand the impact it has on our health physically and emotionally.

There have even been studies done on other social type species such as dolphins and primates, and what they have found is those that end up isolated for whatever reason, tend to have more severe health problems physically, more depression and frustration tendencies, and shorter lifespans. I suppose the shorter lifespan is a blessing in disguise.

I don't have any security in this world other than myself, so when I sense that physically or financially (or circumstances beyond my control) I am either near or entering dire straits, I panic, have extreme anxiety, can barely tolerate any additional stress, and it is overwhelming. It takes up so much of my physical energy I have almost nothing left sometimes. I'm sure many on here can relate?

If it's any mild consolation, in a sense, at least we have each other on here, and you know that it's not really you, it's this world and this species...

And no, we're not designed to just be alone and miserable, everybody could use a little help and goodness around them. That's just nature. It's all these theories that are illusions, not reality.

What is completely ironic to me is that the majority of people on here like me that are suicidal actually seem to be highly intelligent and insightful, much more so than the average person out there doling out bullshit advice.

View attachment 18227Can anyone explain that? Is it just because we woke up?

It's all about perspective. People can't understand something they haven't gone through.... Well they could, but most are too lazy to try understanding. Especially if it's a stranger and not a loved one. Too many lack true emotional intelligence, including professionals, who's job is to help :/ . Even when it comes to others who've been through similar experiences as you, no one on this earth is going to have the exact same life. I wish people understood that more and would stop comparing life's and making people feel bad just because someone else in a similar situation could improve their circumstances or didn't need the help that you need. Advice is never personal to the individual and I think that's the issue. Life is way too unique for it to be a one size fit all guide for help. I think after you've gone through so much pain you either become ignorant or you can't help but to be "woke".