Story The kids will die anyway (on a long enough timeline), but so will I, and it's easier to live for them than for myself

[catowice]

So why is it that it's much easier to live for others than to live for yourself?

(no, they're not my kids)

I have two little cousins. They're about half my age as of now, but we get along surprisingly well, a lot of fun with games and books and trolling the adults. Coming from someone who had a very unhappy school life, it's almost as if I got to grew up afterall with them you know? :)

It was one of their birthday a few days ago. Even though I see them every week, I only noticed now how well they grew up, and what surprising maturity and signs of talent. For what they were able to, I think I'll be able to do anything to give whatever is it they will need to just do something at a very high level, as with what I did when they were little and they cheered for me back then.

As with my school life, I didn't have a very happy family either. My parents got divorced 20 years ago, and my childhood (other than getting bullied) is filled with lousy attempts of them getting back to each other but ends up getting violent. My mom was a caring person, definitely not the best, and it's not easy to keep up with all that's happened. She's also old now, I consider me and her done for anyway, at a timeline close enough (she would be "alive and well" by most standards).

They're my cue for recovery for now. There is the possibility of something happening to them and I'll lose my motivation to live again. But that's fine, for the past few years I had to rely on someone else to live for.

So then why is it that it's much easier to live for others than to live for yourself?

 

[jodes2]

Yeah I know the feeling well. At critical times it was my gf keeping me here. She would be more or less on her own without me. It took a year or two after those times of crisis but now I'm alive for myself again. Maybe you being alive for your cousin's is the start of your recovery. Let them help you see what you can enjoy in life, so you can live for yourself again. But having a bond with other people can be a form of living for yourself. It's natural when someone goes from your life to feel disheartened as a result. Maybe you just need to form more bonds with more people to give your life more meaning to you

 

[catowice]

Yeah I know the feeling well. At critical times it was my gf keeping me here. She would be more or less on her own without me. It took a year or two after those times of crisis but now I'm alive for myself again. Maybe you being alive for your cousin's is the start of your recovery. Let them help you see what you can enjoy in life, so you can live for yourself again. But having a bond with other people can be a form of living for yourself. It's natural when someone goes from your life to feel disheartened as a result. Maybe you just need to form more bonds with more people to give your life more meaning to you

This sounds cliche enough X) but thanks anyway

Forming bonds is much easier said than done. I was lucky enough to be compatible with two lifeforms that I happened to watch over for more than a decade.

Not having any hopes but not having any hopelessness either. I survived all the tragedies so far anyhow, surviving another more or two without trying probably won't surprise me anymore.

 

[jodes2]

This sounds cliche enough X) but thanks anyway

Forming bonds is much easier said than done. I was lucky enough to be compatible with two lifeforms that I happened to watch over for more than a decade.

Not having any hopes but not having any hopelessness either. I survived all the tragedies so far anyhow, surviving another more or two without trying probably won't surprise me anymore.

You might need to identify and address any barriers to connection, and maybe learn communication or relationship-building skills. It might be helpful to talk to a therapist for this, and to work through past trauma, and develop coping strategies. They can help you manage mental health symptoms you might be suffering from. They can also help you gain insights into your thoughts and behaviours by talking through your experiences and feelings with you. It's understandable that forming bonds and relationships can be challenging, especially if you have experienced difficult or traumatic events in your life. Surviving difficult experiences takes strength and resilience, and it's important to acknowledge and honor your own journey. Remember to take care of yourself, engage in activities that bring you joy, and seek out support when you need it. when you focus on others, it takes the attention away from your own problems and challenges, and it can provide a sense of purpose and meaning in life. Also caring for others such as children or family members can bring joy, love, fulfillment, and can strengthen relationships. It is important to remember that self-care and taking care of your own well-being is also important, as this can help ensure that you are able to continue being there for those you care about in the long term. This includes having relationships with people other than those you're caring for. Having a support network is really important, and easily neglected!

 

[catowice]

You might need to identify and address any barriers to connection, and maybe learn communication or relationship-building skills. It might be helpful to talk to a therapist for this, and to work through past trauma, and develop coping strategies. They can help you manage mental health symptoms you might be suffering from. They can also help you gain insights into your thoughts and behaviours by talking through your experiences and feelings with you. It's understandable that forming bonds and relationships can be challenging, especially if you have experienced difficult or traumatic events in your life. Surviving difficult experiences takes strength and resilience, and it's important to acknowledge and honor your own journey. Remember to take care of yourself, engage in activities that bring you joy, and seek out support when you need it. when you focus on others, it takes the attention away from your own problems and challenges, and it can provide a sense of purpose and meaning in life. Also caring for others such as children or family members can bring joy, love, fulfillment, and can strengthen relationships. It is important to remember that self-care and taking care of your own well-being is also important, as this can help ensure that you are able to continue being there for those you care about in the long term. This includes having relationships with people other than those you're caring for. Having a support network is really important, and easily neglected!

Thanks for the advices! Much appreciate them.

If I may, I would also suggest you to take it a bit slower on these. You seem to enjoy helping people on recovery :) The thing is that it's quite easy to reach the aggressive territory in helping others, when we have different state of minds. Besides if someone can make it somewhere in their recovery journey, chances are they would have found the same advices somewhere else anyway, or they'd have asked.

An analogy would be you can't be aggressive if you're helping a person with a broken bone to learn to walk (they might, and likely, never have the ability to walk as fast as you are). At some point the only thing that can and should matter is their own willingness and innate ability. Such a journey requires frequent breaks, and those breaks can be as long as the person needs to.

 

[jodes2]

Thanks for the advices! Much appreciate them.

If I may, I would also suggest you to take it a bit slower on these. You seem to enjoy helping people on recovery :) The thing is that it's quite easy to reach the aggressive territory in helping others, when we have different state of minds. Besides if someone can make it somewhere in their recovery journey, chances are they would have found the same advices somewhere else anyway, or they'd have asked.

An analogy would be you can't be aggressive if you're helping a person with a broken bone to learn to walk (they might, and likely, never have the ability to walk as fast as you are). At some point the only thing that can and should matter is their own willingness and innate ability. Such a journey requires frequent breaks, and those breaks can be as long as the person needs to.

Hmm ok thanks for letting me know!!! Thank you for being kind with me, I really appreciate it, I'll try to take what you say on board I think my autism lets me down in understanding the effect I'm having on people!!!

 

[VioletNight]

This is so true, family has been the only thing really keeping me here since I was a kid. Every time I've struggled I've just thought about them and what I could do for them/how they'd feel if I was gone, etc.
It's easy to forget sometimes just how much you can mean to someone, I'm sure your cousins cherish you and the time you spend with them very much.