Venting The “it gets better crowd” makes me sick.

[meetapple]

I do act for my betterment. My mental illness still got worse, not better. Getting better is often outside of our control.

In my case things have not gotten better but I still can't eliminate the chance that things will get better if I work on my problems. If I knew things won't get better my decision would be clearer.

 

[self.destractive]

id much rather spend time with and be around somebody who says "it gets better" and encourages me than someone who just rattles on and on about how much life sucks. yeah, maybe theyre wrong, maybe things dont get better. but what a silly thing to get all defensive and sour over!

 

[HateMyPointlessLife]

I've always hated hearing that. I knew from a young age, that I just wasn't cut out for life, and it just wasn't worth it for me. Had people telling me life was worthwhile, and all that usual nonsense. But there hasn't been a day I can remember not being miserable. And I knew it would just get even worse once I got to adulthood. And I was right. It's not being defeatist, or being pessimistic, if you just know instinctively that you won't ever be able to handle life. Now I'm still miserable, and want to die, but have had to endure all these extra years of misery. And feeling guilty for being a burden to people around me. When it would have been kinder to get it out of the way sooner. I'm glad if for some people it does get better. But I hate people acting like they have any idea about someone's future, and how it will turn out. And I knew my life would never get better.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

id much rather spend time with and be around somebody who says "it gets better" and encourages me than someone who just rattles on and on about how much life sucks. yeah, maybe theyre wrong, maybe things dont get better. but what a silly thing to get all defensive and sour over!

I don't really think it's as silly as you make it sound if you've heard it several thousand times and things haven't improved lol. Just let people vent, who cares?

 

[Foresight]

I used to hate when people vented but I realize now it's necessary to heal through expression and actually being real about how you feel about yourself and the circumstances of your environment. It's a processing skill. There has to be this phase between unwell and well where you just express your truth and come to terms with it.

I used to think I could go from unwell to somehow subconsciously dropping all traumatic and hurtful feelings without a word by just externally working towards wellness. I thought the hurt and memories would fall off. It doesn't work that way. Your memories and trauma will make itself known whether through a good vent session or when your health and functioning starts to decline. Venting is probably the better choice. You have to vent, scream, and be real about where you are and what happened to you. I really like David Goggins, just an example of someone who made it out of trauma, and he agrees. He never stopped expressing his truth about how shitty he felt and how shitty the circumstances were. He just gained power over the narrative through external work.

So I love venting now. Don't bottle it up. Be real and express it. Own your story. But yea hopefully the expression manifests into healthy solutions. That's why it's good to have an external focus too like athletics, music, writing, science, etc to invest the freed up energy once it's time to get out of your head about what's bothering you.

What you want to avoid is daily minor complaining about every little thing from the rainy weather to a small smell or whatever it is. I've seen studies that say minor complaining is not resourceful. It is a deterrent to health and mental wellness, so just a bad habit. Letting all the small stuff get under your skin is going to produce an unstable psyche, but big vents about the realist shit on your mind is necessary for healing.

Platitudes without logic don't do shit, and that's all "it gets better" is. Worthless. That's my rant on that cause it really bothers me too.

 

[LastFlowers]

It doesn't. Life never gets better.

Worse is, they're so annoying with it too. I'm sick of it. My life has never gotten any better.

They piss me the fuck off.

On the topic of "life getting better", if I were to humor these people, I would ask them just how much better..
"As good as yours? Or only marginally?"

They also don't take into account that you could take one step forward, and with the passage of time and other factors, end up taking a simultaneous 5 steps backward.

id much rather spend time with and be around somebody who says "it gets better" and encourages me than someone who just rattles on and on about how much life sucks. yeah, maybe theyre wrong, maybe things dont get better. but what a silly thing to get all defensive and sour over!

Sour? Aren't you the one who is rather bitter and defensive about someone taking issue with the phrase?
I don't think it's silly at all. You're making it sound much more superficial than it is when there are malignant consequences that stem from the ceaseless dogpiling of the whole "it gets better" narrative.

Don't miserable people get enough hell?
You seem to demonize them and their ability to speak their mind.
Positivity isn't a virtue. And surprisingly enough it can be very discouraging and defeating in its own way.
Hence the phrase "toxic positivity".
People who "rattle on" about how great life is are far more nauseating and detrimental to my last semblance of well-being than those who continually mention how much life sucks.

People for which things do not get better are effectively erased by that blanket statement and other platitudes.

 

[Foresight]

It gets better makes it seem like there's going to be a passive resolution when 9 times out of 10 that's not going to be the case. It's actually going to make recovery harder with that in mind. Like you can sit back and wait. Good luck. I have endless complaints about this platitude.

It's like time heals all wounds. Nah, it doesn't. I've seen plenty of otherwise decently well 50/60 year olds still get torn down and lose control over their early life traumas. We have to work at it and find acceptance. That's why platitudes are worthless. They lack depth and insight that the listener has on their situation and generalize human experiences.

 

[Kali999]

Most people who haven't dealt with severe depression have no idea how to comfort or support those of us who suffer with this horrible illness. So they make these ridiculous comments. Moreover, they are afraid of mental illness because historically it has been so stigmatized.

Recently I was telling my sister that I wasn't feeling well and was getting depressed again to which she replied "It's a sunny day! Just go outside and you'll feel better!!" I wanted to vomit. People have NO idea what depression is like if they haven't experienced it.

No matter what I do, and I've done ALOT, the darkness returns. I'm so tired of fighting it and just want to give up.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

id much rather spend time with and be around somebody who says "it gets better" and encourages me than someone who just rattles on and on about how much life sucks. yeah, maybe theyre wrong, maybe things dont get better. but what a silly thing to get all defensive and sour over!

I can respect that... I can handle both, so long as they're not being too toxic.

The it-gets-better person, when toxic, would likely just refuse to listen and sometimes belittle your problems. At the same time, the toxic depressive person would do the same thing and label you as the person who doesn't have it as bad as they do, and would do this whole self-depreciation rhetoric, as well as refusing to do anything about their pain and so on.

I sadly had to walk away from one when they,ve started being unreasonable, and I'm very patient when it comes to that.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

The blanket statement "it gets better" is typically made in jest. As in, "it gets better so stop bitching, because I don't care."

 

[Ethereal Knight]

 

[StolenLife]

I hate that platitude. I had this sadness inside of me ever since I could remember, which evolved into depression at 12 and then into suicidality at 15. My awful environment and the fact that I wasted my youth does not help. I wish I died at 12 when I almost drowned, nothing has been right ever since. I cannot imagine 50-60 more years of this pain. The worst thing for me is that I knew back then that I will suffer from a certain point on, yet I couldn't do anything as i was forced to participate in this miserable game which no longer has anything in it for me.

 

[Astral Storm]

Saying that it gets better is really dismissive and insensitive. There are some problems that cannot be solved.

Personally, I have a systematic problem with existence itself. It's a horror show of continous cruelty and violence. Nothing will change the fundamentals of nature and life. Sadly, these things will always exist as long as there's life. Someone will always suffer huge amounts of injustice and torment.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Literally just got off the phone with my Dad who said- 'Things will work their way out in the end and for the better.' ... I mean- I know it's not impossible but let's face it- it's unlikely. We inhabit gradually decomposing meat suit's and are in the grips of a financial shit storm. Plus, in my experience- if you wait for life to give you something nice, you wait forever. You have to claw for every single thing and it's all for what in the end? Sure things MIGHT get better but they're actually much more likely to get worse.

 

[Shu]

It gets better.

I hope you get banned. I'm not even sure why they still allowed you to be here after you told a mod to they should kill themselves.

 

[bluville]

It is just a mindless platitude people say to anyone experiencing depression, I do wish people thought more critically. But I can't blame them, for the longest time representation for depression have been upper middle class white teenagers, so of course it's likelt for them to get better

 

[Lavender Dreams]

But hey, wait! They have so many compelling arguments!

On a serious note - seen this gif yesterday and it gave me a gag reflex, it sums up their meaningless platitudes perfectly.

 

[EternalOblivion]

It gets better only applies to those who have the luxury of making such improvements. The phrase is in the same vein as—Suicide is selfish—in that they're both generalities. Sometimes particular circumstances are what they are, and there's no changing them for the better.

 

[Sasel]

I hope you get banned. I'm not even sure why they still allowed you to be here after you told a mod to they should kill themselves.

Cope

 

[BurningCig]

I don't see how anything gets better. Life has been terrible for at least 15 years straight. Maybe some things get better, but then they get replaced with another type of misery. My mother was an alcoholic, then she dumped us and left the country, couldn't pass my exams and all my friends moved away, then I had an abuse boyfriend, then I lived in a moldy basement, then I broke up with my 2nd boyfriend and had to move out, couldn't find a place, so I live in a 7m2 shed now without my own facilities like a toilet or shower and inside it's as cold as outside, now I'm in love with someone that doesn't love me back, but does fuck me when he wants to.... And I'm done, just done. I feel like I'm spoiled and ungrateful, but I'm just not made for this world. I don't fit in this society, I'm too weird and I will never ever be truly happy. I wonder what people envision when they tell me life will get better; truly can't wait to see what's next to fuck me up.

 

[Archness]

"It gets better". They say is like it's the law of the world. It could be translated to "It must get better". I'm on a decline, and I could only break even or slow down. People will just be disappointed I can't ascend the state I'm in, useless and shouldn't be here. Some say it's because it's the best they could come up with, while others say it out of expectation.

 

[blackroseRM]

It's easy for people to say "it gets better" and pretend they did a good deed for the day. Easier to say toxic positivity buzzwords than to offer any real support.

 

[leopard_gec]

It doesn't. Life never gets better.

Worse is, they're so annoying with it too. I'm sick of it. My life has never gotten any better.

They piss me the fuck off.

Yeah that's such an ignorant response, like how do you know??? Life could get better, but it could also easily get worst

 

[SadScarlet]

Im so sick of hearing that. Hasn't been "getting better" since I was a toddler. Also mentioned the other day how I want to end it all, only to be met with the other annoying phrase "that's selfish"….

 

[onceuponadec]

In my case I have gotten better. My MS symptoms have lessened but have not completely gone. However, I realize this phrase can be and is really harmful. When I was at my worst I didn't want to hear that my situation would get better. I wanted to be with my family, I wanted to hear "I'm here and I love you" .

 

[outrider567]

Past a year, nothing has gotten better

 

[RTDTD]

It's been 17 years of depression and pain, you'd think if it "gets better" it would of fucking happened by now

 

[hellispink]

Life always gets worse. Things can always be worse . They can be hell, a nightmare, they can burn your bones… the possibilities are endless. There is more suffering always to be welcome

 

[borderline-feline]

All too often, people would rather stroke their own egos by claiming that they care instead of actually listen and offer anything of value. It's the same thing any time suicide comes up as a topic of conversation. People are set in their ways that human life is worth more than bodily autonomy, so they actively increase our suffering whether they realize it or not.