Suicideisnirvana
Specialist
- Aug 4, 2018
- 312
As humans, we need a lot of stories to survive, and even more illusory fictions to thrive, that's why platitudes amounting to just-world-fallacy are so popular, people want to believe that working on something always pay off, that good things happen to good people, that it "will get better" etc, also people often use wishful thinking to endure a bitter or boring and banal present by dreaming of a better futur life : that one will be rich through hard work or by building his dream project etc, or at least gain financial independance, or meet that ideal partner etc etc, and some healthy dose of dreaming can be healthy, especially if it's realistic and if it drives one to work towards his goal.
Lying to oneself can help endure a hard, cold reality.
But like i said in the title, the importance of looks destroy even the most rosey-tinted narratives, because they have such a huge impact and there is no way to imply they are deserved, people are so eager to minimize their importance to preserve their just-world-fallacy. Not only can't we change our looks, but they are the most important factor in relationships, what determines the qualities of the most important needs/aspects and predictors of contentment in life (Love/Sex), they influence to a huge degree even the quality of your social life. And their effect isn't restricted to relationship, people who are more attractive are also treated better in general, people are more indulgent with them, they are given the benefit of the doubt or excused more easily when they act wrongly, they are always complimented, treated well, people flock to them and want to talk to them, be with them and help them, which not only gives them confidence but also allows them to become better at other aspects, creating therefore a virtuous cycle : It's easier to be more cheerful and like people when everybody likes you and is nice to you, easier to chose a healthy lifestyle when you have to maintain an amazing life, full of gratifying social encounters, sex and romance, easier to ask questions and learn when everybody loves you even when you are goofy, wanna hear you talk, is eager to show you things, loves conversing with you etc. So the attractive people not only get all the benefits of those vital aspects (Sex/Love) more than they even need and want ! Some guys have hundreds girls wanting to sleep with them because of their looks, while other have nothing (i can't give opposite example because any girl can find sex, the problem for them can only begin when they seek love etc), but they are also considered smarter and more moral person ! They get the good cards and they are also considered as "Deserving them for being good moral people" !
Also, what disturbs me the most is that it may happen that through the constant (implicit or explicit) rejections you faced, double standards, different treatments etc, you may (not saying it happens to all bad-looking people) - contrary to the more attractive people - suffer from a vicious circle, where you become more ressentful, more bitter, less confident and cheerful, more cynical, and you are blamed for that as if it was the root and main causes of your problems. So while people pat themselves on the back and give the attractive people double benefits, congratulate them for being so cheerful and outgoing and confident while they helped them have that with their constant validation, compliments, fulfilling every need of their ego, romantic and sexual gratification etc etc, you may be also blamed for the bitterness, little misogyny, lack of confidence that you have, double punishment.
So while you can dream about being rich or changing your life to travel more and get more leisure if you have a boring or dreadful job, even if it's irrealistic, you can at least dream about it and enjoy the period while you dream, what can you do about looks ? You can't even dream about becoming good-looking, contrary to other aspects that you can chance there is 0% chance of becoming attractive through any form of hard-work or luck or creativity etc, you can't even dream about a better futur !
And if you're someone like me, someone for who the priority is loving and being loved, the warmth of human relationships, cuddle and sex, if nothing else with that lacking speaks to you (becoming rich, building something, travelling), you're left with nothing to strive for ! How can you work towards something when even the far eventuality of success in that department isn't satisfying ? Doesn't at all adress your basic needs ? You can't even dream of a better futur, because the thing that really determines those aspect you need is just the way your face looks !
This is the personal part, but also fromr a general point of view i find it really depressing that everything is based on looks, i can't just accept it like some people do, that will never happen.
Lying to oneself can help endure a hard, cold reality.
But like i said in the title, the importance of looks destroy even the most rosey-tinted narratives, because they have such a huge impact and there is no way to imply they are deserved, people are so eager to minimize their importance to preserve their just-world-fallacy. Not only can't we change our looks, but they are the most important factor in relationships, what determines the qualities of the most important needs/aspects and predictors of contentment in life (Love/Sex), they influence to a huge degree even the quality of your social life. And their effect isn't restricted to relationship, people who are more attractive are also treated better in general, people are more indulgent with them, they are given the benefit of the doubt or excused more easily when they act wrongly, they are always complimented, treated well, people flock to them and want to talk to them, be with them and help them, which not only gives them confidence but also allows them to become better at other aspects, creating therefore a virtuous cycle : It's easier to be more cheerful and like people when everybody likes you and is nice to you, easier to chose a healthy lifestyle when you have to maintain an amazing life, full of gratifying social encounters, sex and romance, easier to ask questions and learn when everybody loves you even when you are goofy, wanna hear you talk, is eager to show you things, loves conversing with you etc. So the attractive people not only get all the benefits of those vital aspects (Sex/Love) more than they even need and want ! Some guys have hundreds girls wanting to sleep with them because of their looks, while other have nothing (i can't give opposite example because any girl can find sex, the problem for them can only begin when they seek love etc), but they are also considered smarter and more moral person ! They get the good cards and they are also considered as "Deserving them for being good moral people" !
Also, what disturbs me the most is that it may happen that through the constant (implicit or explicit) rejections you faced, double standards, different treatments etc, you may (not saying it happens to all bad-looking people) - contrary to the more attractive people - suffer from a vicious circle, where you become more ressentful, more bitter, less confident and cheerful, more cynical, and you are blamed for that as if it was the root and main causes of your problems. So while people pat themselves on the back and give the attractive people double benefits, congratulate them for being so cheerful and outgoing and confident while they helped them have that with their constant validation, compliments, fulfilling every need of their ego, romantic and sexual gratification etc etc, you may be also blamed for the bitterness, little misogyny, lack of confidence that you have, double punishment.
So while you can dream about being rich or changing your life to travel more and get more leisure if you have a boring or dreadful job, even if it's irrealistic, you can at least dream about it and enjoy the period while you dream, what can you do about looks ? You can't even dream about becoming good-looking, contrary to other aspects that you can chance there is 0% chance of becoming attractive through any form of hard-work or luck or creativity etc, you can't even dream about a better futur !
And if you're someone like me, someone for who the priority is loving and being loved, the warmth of human relationships, cuddle and sex, if nothing else with that lacking speaks to you (becoming rich, building something, travelling), you're left with nothing to strive for ! How can you work towards something when even the far eventuality of success in that department isn't satisfying ? Doesn't at all adress your basic needs ? You can't even dream of a better futur, because the thing that really determines those aspect you need is just the way your face looks !
This is the personal part, but also fromr a general point of view i find it really depressing that everything is based on looks, i can't just accept it like some people do, that will never happen.
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