The idea of eternal recurrence makes me scared to go through with it

[Jessicastripout]

I want to die because I have SEVERE complex post traumatic stress disorder, I was one of those kids who experienced near non stop abuse, and didn't even realize why I was so fucked up until my late teens, when it was too late to make a change in my childhood.

Now I live day to day in nonstop mental agony, my biggest fear is that if the universe repeats itself over, I will suffer forever like this.

Do I just force myself to squeeze out happiness for as long as I can in order to lessen the severity of that potential fate, or just end my life to stop the suffering I know I have now.

 

[15dec]

I'm really sorry to hear what you went through, you didn't deserve that. Sending you hugs. Are you in any kind of counseling or therapy, or on meds as that may help?

As for ctb, I'm trying to convince myself that when I die I'll just go to heaven or a perfect place. I'm trying to avoid thinking about or researching anything bad that would happen after death so I'm more likely to go through with it, I guess. Whatever happens after death I'm trying to get as much happiness in my life as possible, doing things with people I love and whatnot for the last time, which I think is my way of squeezing out happiness. Regardless I think the most important thing is that if you're going to ctb, you're confident in that decision, well-prepared and comfortable. I wouldn't do it if I was having a breakdown or overly emotional since it increases chances of failure.

 

[Jessicastripout]

I'm really sorry to hear what you went through, you didn't deserve that. Sending you hugs. Are you in any kind of counseling or therapy, or on meds as that may help?

As for ctb, I'm trying to convince myself that when I die I'll just go to heaven or a perfect place. I'm trying to avoid thinking about or researching anything bad that would happen after death so I'm more likely to go through with it, I guess. Whatever happens after death I'm trying to get as much happiness in my life as possible, doing things with people I love and whatnot for the last time, which I think is my way of squeezing out happiness. Regardless I think the most important thing is that if you're going to ctb, you're confident in that decision, well-prepared and comfortable. I wouldn't do it if I was having a breakdown or overly emotional since it increases chances of failure.

I dont trust the mental healthcare system, I was abused in it, told by people in it that my abuse didnt matter, and had meds shoved on me to sedate me so I wouldn't feel anything, and spent years disassociated and severely depressed while sedated out of my mind.

 

[Severen]

I want to die because I have SEVERE complex post traumatic stress disorder, I was one of those kids who experienced near non stop abuse, and didn't even realize why I was so fucked up until my late teens, when it was too late to make a change in my childhood.

Now I live day to day in nonstop mental agony, my biggest fear is that if the universe repeats itself over, I will suffer forever like this.

Do I just force myself to squeeze out happiness for as long as I can in order to lessen the severity of that potential fate, or just end my life to stop the suffering I know I have now.

If you have to go through it all again, on the bright side, CTBing still spares you from more suffering.

 

[15dec]

I dont trust the mental healthcare system, I was abused in it, told by people in it that my abuse didnt matter, and had meds shoved on me to sedate me so I wouldn't feel anything, and spent years disassociated and severely depressed while sedated out of my mind.

Yeah, I know the feeling. I made a thread a while ago complaining about the mental health services where I live, being told that close friends didn't care about me and things like that and having my depression downplayed. I'm sorry you've had to go through horrible things with them as well, hugs

 

[[NoName]]

I want to die because I have SEVERE complex post traumatic stress disorder, I was one of those kids who experienced near non stop abuse, and didn't even realize why I was so fucked up until my late teens, when it was too late to make a change in my childhood.

Now I live day to day in nonstop mental agony, my biggest fear is that if the universe repeats itself over, I will suffer forever like this.

Do I just force myself to squeeze out happiness for as long as I can in order to lessen the severity of that potential fate, or just end my life to stop the suffering I know I have now.

Why do you think this theory is real?

 

[bag.of.cats]

I'm afraid of the same thing, that death is an escape illusion and you come back to the same situation over and over. I've been abused most of my life, and don't want to relive that pain again, even if I don't remember it.

 

[Lra888]

Eternal Recurrence is just a thought exercise to make people question the path they are on and inspire them to do something they believe worthwhile. Nietzche wrote extensively about this because he thought it detrimental to humanity for everyone to believe that this world was just a waiting room for heaven and nothing here really matters. I don't think he truly believed that this same life was lived repeatedly for eternity.

 

[Lra888]

But yes, I feel that my life was ruined long ago and I feel trapped with all this. Will suicide completely end my consciousness or maybe it will free me from all of the awful memories and my consciousness will be cleaned of all that trauma and bad memories.

 

[Amira]

I'm really sorry to hear what you went through, you didn't deserve that. Sending you hugs. Are you in any kind of counseling or therapy, or on meds as that may help?

As for ctb, I'm trying to convince myself that when I die I'll just go to heaven or a perfect place. I'm trying to avoid thinking about or researching anything bad that would happen after death so I'm more likely to go through with it, I guess. Whatever happens after death I'm trying to get as much happiness in my life as possible, doing things with people I love and whatnot for the last time, which I think is my way of squeezing out happiness. Regardless I think the most important thing is that if you're going to ctb, you're confident in that decision, well-prepared and comfortable. I wouldn't do it if I was having a breakdown or overly emotional since it increases chances of failure.

Dont most people ctb out of impulse and being overly emotional?

 

[15dec]

Dont most people ctb out of impulse and being overly emotional?

Yeah, I guess so. I'm trying to ctb when I'm not like, having a breakdown since when I've tried before like that I've cut corners and failed

 

[Stranger Moscow]

Eternal Recurrence is a huge obstruction for my ctb Goal, I mean I may defeat the evolutionary inspired "Survival Instincts" (I know- much easier sad than done) but been brought extra religious, because our parents are.. I mean let us just call them who they are "Accomplices" of a crime committed by Nature/evolution, their obsession with this Reality and the idea that they themselves have been just alive 0.0000001% the age of the universe, suddenly are Wise enough to Impose life and old age and death to Me and much the rest of you here. That makes me sick to my naturally selected stomach