Hunter
Experienced
- Sep 14, 2018
- 260
i just completed my first week living out of my car. I generally avoid people now because I fucking hate having to re-tell my story endlessly, knowing full well it won't change anything and just to satisfy some random person's curiosity.
So I just play along now. Today in particular has gotten to me. I took my car into an auto repair shop and they fucked something up and had to replace a part. So they got me a rental car. During the drive there, the manager and I were talking about the city and he said it was nice but "there's a lot of homeless people. It's a real problem around here." I played along but it was odd, considering he saw my trunk was full of camping supplies/toiletries.
Literally 20 min later, I am talking to another local in a restaurant and I asked what the area was like. She said it wasn't bad and she's lived in 5 cities. The "homeless people here are fine if you leave them alone."
I'm already on guard all the time now, and it's getting tiring lying all the damn time to make others feel more comfortable. It's also tiring that I have to constantly be aware of my appearance so I don't draw negative attention.
Being homeless is not a fucking disease or a plague. I am seriously starting to resent other people just by virtue of how ugly they can be. And I am tired of the constant reminder that I am an undesirable in society for a problem I didn't ask for.
I keep telling myself that I just have to hang on for a couple more weeks and then I can finally end this miserable life. I don't want to be human and I don't want to be part of this world anymore.
So I just play along now. Today in particular has gotten to me. I took my car into an auto repair shop and they fucked something up and had to replace a part. So they got me a rental car. During the drive there, the manager and I were talking about the city and he said it was nice but "there's a lot of homeless people. It's a real problem around here." I played along but it was odd, considering he saw my trunk was full of camping supplies/toiletries.
Literally 20 min later, I am talking to another local in a restaurant and I asked what the area was like. She said it wasn't bad and she's lived in 5 cities. The "homeless people here are fine if you leave them alone."
I'm already on guard all the time now, and it's getting tiring lying all the damn time to make others feel more comfortable. It's also tiring that I have to constantly be aware of my appearance so I don't draw negative attention.
Being homeless is not a fucking disease or a plague. I am seriously starting to resent other people just by virtue of how ugly they can be. And I am tired of the constant reminder that I am an undesirable in society for a problem I didn't ask for.
I keep telling myself that I just have to hang on for a couple more weeks and then I can finally end this miserable life. I don't want to be human and I don't want to be part of this world anymore.
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