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Hunter

Hunter

Experienced
Sep 14, 2018
260
i just completed my first week living out of my car. I generally avoid people now because I fucking hate having to re-tell my story endlessly, knowing full well it won't change anything and just to satisfy some random person's curiosity.

So I just play along now. Today in particular has gotten to me. I took my car into an auto repair shop and they fucked something up and had to replace a part. So they got me a rental car. During the drive there, the manager and I were talking about the city and he said it was nice but "there's a lot of homeless people. It's a real problem around here." I played along but it was odd, considering he saw my trunk was full of camping supplies/toiletries.

Literally 20 min later, I am talking to another local in a restaurant and I asked what the area was like. She said it wasn't bad and she's lived in 5 cities. The "homeless people here are fine if you leave them alone."

I'm already on guard all the time now, and it's getting tiring lying all the damn time to make others feel more comfortable. It's also tiring that I have to constantly be aware of my appearance so I don't draw negative attention.

Being homeless is not a fucking disease or a plague. I am seriously starting to resent other people just by virtue of how ugly they can be. And I am tired of the constant reminder that I am an undesirable in society for a problem I didn't ask for.

I keep telling myself that I just have to hang on for a couple more weeks and then I can finally end this miserable life. I don't want to be human and I don't want to be part of this world anymore.
 
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Circles

Visionary
Sep 3, 2018
2,297
I'm sorry you're going through this. I understand the frustration of dealing with people who are plain ignorant and just don't understand that it could happen to them if the circumstances were too occur to them. It's sickening ain't it? The way society treats people who fall on hard times and in return treat you like you're nothing. It's despicable. Even after experiencing it myself I still cannot fathom why homelessness should even exist. All because of fucking money. The price of living is getting to high. All the expectations. All the responsibilities. All the fake smiles hiding behind their false sense of safety and delusional satisfaction. Everyday I'm reminded of how wicked a lot of these fellow human treat one another. Man's inhumanity to man. It's disgusting that we have to be part of this system, this life we didn't asked for and be expected to pay for a petty and dreadful existence we did not fucking asked for. Like what the fuck society, goddamn everything is so twisted. When is it enough? Suffering is just perpetual, it keeps churning out souls to suck the life out of before it feeds on our pain. Everything feeds on pain.
 
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Hunter

Hunter

Experienced
Sep 14, 2018
260
I'm sorry you're going through this. I understand the frustration of dealing with people who are plain ignorant and just don't understand that it could happen to them if the circumstances were too occur to them. It's sickening ain't it? The way society treats people who fall on hard times and in return treat you like you're nothing. It's despicable. Even after experiencing it myself I still cannot fathom why homelessness should even exist. All because of fucking money. The price of living is getting to high. All the expectations. All the responsibilities. All the fake smiles hiding behind their false sense of safety and delusional satisfaction. Everyday I'm reminded of how wicked a lot of these fellow human treat one another. Man's inhumanity to man. It's disgusting that we have to bye part of this system, this life we didn't asked for and be expected to pay for a petty and dreadful existence we did not fucking asked for. Like what the fuck society, goddamn everything is so twisted. When is it enough? Suffering is just perpetual, it keeps churning out souls to suck the life out of before it feeds on our pain. Everything feeds on pain.
Thank you for empathizing. I was just about to delete this post because I didn't think anybody could relate to it… Even before this all happened to me, I always knew that I was just a couple of risk factors away from being homeless myself. Most people are but they don't want to face that, excluding people who are independently wealthy.

It's really frustrating for me because I followed all the "rules" of what a responsible adult is supposed to do but my life still fell apart anyway because of illness. I don't use drugs, I'm not psychotic, and yet I'm just another undesirable in society. It sucks and I spent so much time pretending to be something I'm not in order to blend in/avoid being hassled by the cops.
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
Thank you for empathizing. I was just about to delete this post because I didn't think anybody could relate to it… Even before this all happened to me, I always knew that I was just a couple of risk factors away from being homeless myself. Most people are but they don't want to face that, excluding people who are independently wealthy.

It's really frustrating for me because I followed all the "rules" of what a responsible adult is supposed to do but my life still fell apart anyway because of illness. I don't use drugs, I'm not psychotic, and yet I'm just another undesirable in society. It sucks and I spent so much time pretending to be something I'm not in order to blend in/avoid being hassled by the cops.


Sad you are in this position but "not being psychotic" doesn't elevate you to some status above those who are, and to throw psychotics and "drug users" into your "undesirable" label is pretty ignorant imo.
 
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IfHeDiesHeDies

IfHeDiesHeDies

Specialist
Sep 12, 2018
383
Sad you are in this position but "not being psychotic" doesn't elevate you to some status above those who are.

Actually it does and no disrespect to psychotic ppl, but some psychotic people are known to be violent and dangerous to be around.
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
Actually it does and no disrespect to psychotic ppl, but some psychotic people are known to be violent and dangerous to be around.

He called them "undesirables" and there is zero scientific evidence that psychotic people are more violent or dangerous than the general population at large.
 
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IfHeDiesHeDies

IfHeDiesHeDies

Specialist
Sep 12, 2018
383
He called them "undesirables" and there is zero scientific evidence that psychotic people are more violent or dangerous than the general population at large.

"Most patients with psychosis are not violent. Nevertheless, such patients are more likely to engage in violent behavior than are members of the general population.1 Dynamic (time-variant) modifiable risk factors for violence in patients with psychosis include comorbid alcohol and substance use disorders, nonadherence to treatment, impaired insight, impulsiveness, anger, hostility, and other positive symptoms, as well as adverse experiences such as being a target of violence.2-4 The importance of examining these factors in temporal proximity to the outcome of violence is becoming increasingly clear.4 Risk factors may present as events that are followed after a short period by violence, and are therefore interpreted as its triggers."

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/2533650
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
Actually it does and no disrespect to psychotic ppl, but some psychotic people are known to be violent and dangerous to be around.
"Most patients with psychosis are not violent. Nevertheless, such patients are more likely to engage in violent behavior than are members of the general population.1 Dynamic (time-variant) modifiable risk factors for violence in patients with psychosis include comorbid alcohol and substance use disorders, nonadherence to treatment, impaired insight, impulsiveness, anger, hostility, and other positive symptoms, as well as adverse experiences such as being a target of violence.2-4 The importance of examining these factors in temporal proximity to the outcome of violence is becoming increasingly clear.4 Risk factors may present as events that are followed after a short period by violence, and are therefore interpreted as its triggers."

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/2533650

He called them "undesirables". This is offensive to me, as a person who has never experienced psychosis.

I've encountered many homeless people in my day, many of whom were probably psychotic and I found if you treat them with dignity and actually have a conversation with them (while entertaining their delusions even), you will find them to be actually compassionate and insightful human beings.

Cite all the sources you want, I object to his use of language.
 
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Hunter

Hunter

Experienced
Sep 14, 2018
260
It's disappointing that people are now taking what I'm saying as a direct judgment on people and their circumstances. I am pointing out a basic fact about how society views people like me and others on the streets. In their eyes I and others on the streets are seen as "undesirables." I use this word rhetorically. Obviously I'm not making judgments about people and their struggles whether it's drugs, substances, or otherwise. Guess the pt of my post is lost on some. Must remind myself to always use quotes lest people start assuming.
 
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IfHeDiesHeDies

IfHeDiesHeDies

Specialist
Sep 12, 2018
383
He called them "undesirables". This is offensive to me, as a person who has never experienced psychosis.

I've encountered many homeless people in my day, many of whom were probably psychotic and I found if you treat them with dignity and actually have a conversation with them (while entertaining their delusions even), you will find them to be actually compassionate and insightful human beings.

Cite all the sources you want, I object to his use of language.

Calm down. I also object to his use of the word "undesirable" but psychosis and violence are closely linked. You cannot choose to conveniently ignore scientific findings to fit your narrative.
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
Calm down. I also object to his use of the word "undesirable" but psychosis and violence are closely linked. You cannot choose to conveniently ignore scientific findings to fit your narrative.

It's not a conclusive connection and I'm not bothering to argue with you.

I've hit the ignore button.
 
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sif

sif

You deserve love
Dec 28, 2018
373
He called them "undesirables". This is offensive to me, as a person who has never experienced psychosis.

I've encountered many homeless people in my day, many of whom were probably psychotic and I found if you treat them with dignity and actually have a conversation with them (while entertaining their delusions even), you will find them to be actually compassionate and insightful human beings.

Cite all the sources you want, I object to his use of language.
It's literally a slight misuse of language, as you've said, it's not worth a huge argument in a place like this. He's not necessarily trying to suggest that psychotic people or drug users are lesser. Having experience in both, what I can tell you is true is the fact that most of society views and treats psychoses and addiction sufferers as scum, I'm sure that's what the OP was getting at.
 
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SamK

SamK

Cloud Surfing
Aug 21, 2018
280
Yes. Society do sadly see them as undesirables... (drug users, those who are psychotic) but I know Hunter was not referring to those people and calling them undesirables. Society in general. You know... it seems you just can't win.. you can never be good enough. I understand how you meant it hunter. YOu are the last person to judge people on the streets

You ask a typical person on the street what they think about homeless and you tend to hear all kinds of things.
They are this/they are that. But it's true it can happen to anybody... not all are violent, not all have a drug addiction, lots of reasons.. i'm just sorry you are facing all of this Hunter it's the last thing you need right now. Do you have any supportive friends? Hope you are keeping warm pal.
 
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Hunter

Hunter

Experienced
Sep 14, 2018
260
It's literally a slight misuse of language, as you've said, it's not worth a huge argument in a place like this. He's not necessarily trying to suggest that psychotic people or drug users are lesser. Having experience in both, what I can tell you is true is the fact that most of society views and treats psychoses and addiction sufferers as scum, I'm sure that's what the OP was getting at.
Thanks. There was a lot of intense projection about my views towards people And their problems. My life is in shambles and I have no place or reason to place judgment on others. I am a failure.
 
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SamK

SamK

Cloud Surfing
Aug 21, 2018
280
Slight misuse of language, maybe hunter is exhausted from having to move around every couple of hours in the night. Know what i'm saying? he/she is probably exhausted with all this stress as well
 
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Chinaski

Chinaski

Arthur Scargill appreciator
Sep 1, 2018
3,254
It's really frustrating for me because I followed all the "rules" of what a responsible adult is supposed to do but my life still fell apart anyway because of illness. I don't use drugs, I'm not psychotic, and yet I'm just another undesirable in society.

This bit *could* be read as outlining a clear difference between a deserving and undeserving homeless, wherein those in the former camp who suffer through misfortune should not be judged as negatively as those who fall in the latter camp, who suffer due to their own failing as a human being and a refusal to comply with the "rules" you refer to in the post and are, as a result, lesser than you in terms of character.

I say "could" be read in that way because it's very possible, likely even, you didn't mean it to be read that way, I'm just pointing out why it may be considered a bit off. Fwiw l sympathise with your plight, it's a situation literally nobody should find themselves in in 2019 regardless of character, and it's a situation a great number of us are not as far from as we like to imagine we are.
 
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IfHeDiesHeDies

IfHeDiesHeDies

Specialist
Sep 12, 2018
383
Thanks. There was a lot of intense projection about my views towards people And their problems. My life is in shambles and I have no place or reason to place judgment on others. I am a failure myself.

We all understand what you meant. Just ignore those who are easily triggered. I am sorry you are at this low point in your life, you'd find that most of us are empathetic here. Sending you hugs..
 
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SamK

SamK

Cloud Surfing
Aug 21, 2018
280
Yes, I knew how you meant it <3
 
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Hunter

Hunter

Experienced
Sep 14, 2018
260
This bit *could* be read as outlining a clear difference between a deserving and undeserving homeless, wherein those in the latter camp who suffer through misfortune should not be judged as negatively as those who fall in the latter camp, who suffer due to their own failing as a human being and a refusal to comply with the "rules" you refer to in the post and are, as a result, lesser than you in terms of character.

I say "could" be read in that way because it's very possible, likely even, you didn't mean it to be read that way, I'm just pointing out why it may be considered a bit off. Fwiw l sympathise with your plight, it's a situation literally nobody should find themselves in in 2019 regardless of character, and it's a situation a great number of us are not as far from as we like to imagine we are.
All of society's "rules" are arbitrary. Perhaps it's too subtle to detect in my post but that is the frustrating part for me. There is an unwritten rule that "decent people" don't end up in this situation and "bad people" do. This is what I'm outlining and all of it is arbitrary. I believe myself everyone - no matter what your plight is - is doing the best they can with what they know, what they've learned, their resources, and where they're from.
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
Okaaay

Slight language issue but I re-read it and it sounds like (I can read), he was blaming his illness for his homelessness whereas "psychotics and drug users" have nothing to "blame" outside of themselves.

And I have no idea what his "illness" is but there was a certain and clear sniveling at his position vs others who are also homeless (such as war vets with PTSD or victims of child abuse, and so on and so on).

I know I'll get attacked again for these remarks but I stand by them.
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
All of society's "rules" are arbitrary. Perhaps it's too subtle to detect in my post but that is the frustrating part for me. There is an unwritten rule that "decent people" don't end up in this situation and "bad people" do. This is what I'm outlining and all of it is arbitrary. I believe myself everyone - no matter what your plight is - is doing the best they can with what they know, what they've learned, their resources, and where they're from.


Here we go again with your labels. Decent people who get phds can't be homeless (god forbid!), but "bad people" who have a GED deserve it.

Again, as I have repeated I am sorry for your situation but you are no more deserving than anyone else—I don't care about your background, education, or mental health status.
 
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Threads

Threads

Warlock
Jul 13, 2018
721
I'm going to keep this thread open.

There is a good discussion going on here. But please do not let it devolve into a flame war.
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
OP edited the original post.

Original post said, basically (not verbatim)..."i am not an undersirable like a psychotic or a drug addict".

I don't like hierarchical assignments to suffering.

Leaving this thread.
 
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Chinaski

Chinaski

Arthur Scargill appreciator
Sep 1, 2018
3,254
All of society's "rules" are arbitrary. Perhaps it's too subtle to detect in my post but that is the frustrating part for me. There is an unwritten rule that "decent people" don't end up in this situation and "bad people" do.

I'm always dubious about people describing their own posts as "subtle", this often suggests the fault lies with the reader for being too intellectually dull to appreciate some supposed nuance, this is not the case here. I very much noticed your unease with the way more 'polite' sections of society with their very thin veneer of respectability are quick to pass judgement upon you for your situation, l fully appreciate and sympathise with this, but to reiterate my original point it could also be considered by the phrasing of your posts that you perhaps share that judgement and are resentful of being seen as equally poor in character as other people in your situation.
 
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IfHeDiesHeDies

IfHeDiesHeDies

Specialist
Sep 12, 2018
383
I'm always dubious about people describing their own posts as "subtle", this often suggests the fault lies with the reader for being too intellectually dull to appreciate some supposed nuance, this is not the case here. I very much noticed your unease with the way more 'polite' sections of society with their very thin veneer of respectability are quick to pass judgement upon you for your situation, l fully appreciate and sympathise with this, but to reiterate my original point it could also be considered by the phrasing of your posts that you perhaps share that judgement and are resentful of being seen as equally poor in character as other people in your situation.

I personally don't think OP needs to rephrase anything, we can all read between the lines.
 
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Threads

Threads

Warlock
Jul 13, 2018
721
Alright. Thread closed this time.

Due to request
 
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