Venting The harm we inflict on others, even though we try to be the best

[chocolatebar]

I'm severely guilty for this. I approach people thinking that i'm going to be a positive presence in their lives, but, in the end, I hurt them because of something I did without having control over it, sometimes doing something that is interpreted in a different way, sometimes by not doing something that was expected from me, and many other ways.



Existing isn't just about suffering, but about causing suffering to others. Maybe I should isolate myself once again.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Existing isn't just about suffering, but about causing suffering to others.

Exactly right, a lot of people are forgetting to do both.

 

[Makko]

Sometimes all you can do with your own suffering is to transfer it to someone else.

 

[netrezven]

I don't know, I'm not so good, maybie bad. Ya i do bad stuff all the time, but that's my choice and i know what i'm doing and i don't care. I'm actually happy with it. But really doing bad without wanting or knowing it, can drive me crazy. Even if it's no me doing it.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, in this life suffering is inevitable. There is no escaping from it. It sounds like it is not your fault though, as you were only doing what you thought was the best. But sometimes our best is not good enough and can just cause harm to others, so I agree it is better to stay away in the first place.

 

[chocolatebar]

Yes, in this life suffering is inevitable. There is no escaping from it. It sounds like it is not your fault though, as you were only doing what you thought was the best. But sometimes our best is not good enough and can just cause harm to others, so I agree it is better to stay away in the first place.

Thank you for your kind message.

Even thinking about how suffering is inevitable doesn't ease my mind because knowing that someone out there is suffering and I played a role in it is terrible.

 

[NasiGoreng]

I don't want to hurt anyone, but I feel like I destroy everything I touch. I just want to stay away from everyone.

 

[Midgardsorm]

This is one major reason why my ocd has become so strong and completely dominates my mind.

Everything I do must be perfect, no mistake is forgivable, it's as if the smallest mistake can cause a catastrophe.

Why do I think like this? Because my mistakes always cause a catastrophe. Especially when I deal with people. I have been in awful situations because of this. I have lost friends, things I have said have hurt people even though I didn't mean to hurt them. Just out of my control, things happen.

I hope it's not like that for you. Really, becoming obsessed with everything you do and say not only gets you nowhere, but also turns your mind into a minefield where everything you do has to be calculated before you do it.

 

[BleederOfZion]

Last night, me and my boyfriend confronted a homeless man that beat up someone (the homeless guy was saying that the other guy's dog was scaring his cat). The homeless man turned aggressive and started threatening us. I approached him with my knife while my boyfriend pulled his glock out. I got in the homeless guy's face yelling at him, because he called my boyfriend a fag, and I've been pushed around all the time so much that I have no patience anymore. We eventually left, with the homeless guy still screaming his head off behind us.

Back at my boyfriend's place. He was upset that I was standing in front of him and the homeless guy. I guess he felt sort of cucked by this. Understandable. But I was just doing what I felt was needed and felt normal to do. He explained everytime I get myself into a situation like this, he's gonna be the one being attacked because I'm a girl and nobody is willing to attack a girl.
So everytime I do something out of good intention, it only backfires and hurts someone.

If I was not a fucking female this would not happen. Its as simple as that. Human biology is surprisingly (haha) resistant against the politically correct ideals that are touted upon us today. Nobody can successfully resist the natural order.

I believe the natural order is necessary, but it hurts to know my own desires go against the very concept which I value. It makes me confused and angry at myself and my environment. Years of blocking out undesirable thoughts led to me not being able to reason anything about my thoughts. I try to think, but it's just "I want to fucking kill myself" repeated over and over in my head, or me screaming randomly and self harming with whatever is within reach, mostly razor blades and cigarettes.

My boyfriend tries to make me feel better, but all he says just makes it worse in intensity and duration. I hit myself and scrape at my hands because he took my razor blades (I took a bunch of them back last night though). I don't cry because it is the ultimate sign of weakness. Therefore I want no emotion to be directly connected with this ultimate expression of weakness, which includes sadness. I just translate it all to anger and intense murderous hatred towards myself.

 

[Makko]

I just translate it all to anger and intense murderous hatred towards myself.

Rather translate it into murderous hatred towards others.

 

[BleederOfZion]

Rather translate it into murderous hatred towards others.

That, too
They are NPCs mostly and I don't believe NPCs have souls.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

Yes. This is why the doctors and therapists sentenced me to full isolation. I'm a toxic dangerous…well the list of names and labels/diagnosis' go on and on. Basically the worst kind of person there is.

 

[chocolatebar]

Yes. This is why the doctors and therapists sentenced me to full isolation. I'm a toxic dangerous…well the list of names and labels/diagnosis' go on and on. Basically the worst kind of person there is.

Are doctors and therapists even legally allowed to do it? What behaviors did they use as a base for this decision? Can't you oppose their decision?

 

[Deleted member 8975]

The basis is that I do not respond well to social interactions and it triggers suicidal and unpredictable behavior. Especially if I am happy.

I am opposing it in a way by communicating here but as long as I keep my distance and don't get close…that's how I'm justifying this.

 

[chocolatebar]

The basis is that I do not respond well to social interactions and it triggers suicidal and unpredictable behavior. Especially if I am happy.

I am opposing it in a way by communicating here but as long as I keep my distance and don't get close…that's how I'm justifying this.

and their "solution" is to completely isolate you? I hate doctors and therapists more each day...

by the way, you feel suicidal even when happy, if you're around people? Would you like to talk a little more about that?

 

[Deleted member 8975]

It's a good solution actually. Can't be hurt or disturbed if I'm completely isolated.

True happiness is alien to me and the brief times I experienced it, it was overwhelming. It's like experiencing a break from reality because it is normal for me to feel pain and endangerment.