The futility of trying to balance mental illness and addiction?

[BluesRunTheGame]

I'm depressed with anxiety + OCD when sober or I'm making an idiot of myself when drunk. I feel better in my mood during the latter but better in my self-esteem when in the former. I bounce from one state to the other so quickly and effortlessly. I don't know who I am. The drunk guy or the depressed guy?

I don't think I want to be either of them.

Where's @WornOutLife when I need him???