The "five years" theory?

[Schaf]

After my third attempt, I heard about the "five years theory", basically, being positive blah blah and see what life brings it to you.
Five years later I had, what I can tell the best day of my life. And I admit it haunts me because I don't feel I will ever have this feeling again.
Five years passed by again, fourth attempt, days and days imprisoned in a psych ward.
Five years since passing now... I wonder if it's time, if I've been just losing my time when I am someone who thinks whenever someone wants to go, let them go.

I have everything to ctb, sn method this time. Took a while to buy it but I was starting to get paranoid about how easy it is to get here.

Anyway, question is: do you believe that in five years you will be in a better position? Or ARE you in a better position than five years ago?

Actually we all have the power to go whenever, I believe, but I think it's interesting organizing your life by phases and years

 

[mouseteacup]

Part of having depression (both MDD and PDD) for me is being unable to conceptualise what any future will look like for me. I have no idea what my future might look like, and part of that is — I think — because of my awareness of just how unpredictable life can be. I look at myself from five years ago and think (even ignoring the ongoing COVID pandemic) that he has no idea what will happen to himself in the next five years.

I am in a better position than five years ago, and that is mostly because I've come to terms with who I am, made some actual friends, gotten on medications that have actually worked, and done a great deal of therapy. (I will say, though. I have yet to find a therapist that has helped me in any major way. Most of the "therapy" I've done that actually helped was through talking with my friends and hours upon hours of introspection and research. I think having another person to guide you through healing and growing is incredibly helpful for many people, and I won't deny the benefits of having someone to talk to with whom you have no other connection, but therapy itself has been... minimally helpful for me personally. Despite this, I will never stop believing that everyone can take something good away from therapy, however small.)

Do I see it getting better from here on out, though? No, not really. I can't imagine any way it could. I'm conscious of my mental health and I have some nice friends, but despite that, I'm still suicidal and I think I always will be. Hence my presence on this site.

 

[crud]

Agree with everything you just said though I had never heard of the term and I would usually do it in shorter bursts of usually 3 years.

Sorry you are feeling that way, it sucks that our best memories can also be so faint and haunting. For me it was a week and a half over 3 years back where for the first of the past 15 years I wasn't suicidal and didn't dread the future. I think trying does give piece of mind leading to an attempt. Right now it's probably the worst I've felt since I first became suicidal.

And I don't particularly see anyway it does. I think I will most likely not make a serious attempt until 2025, but also I am getting accustomed to the idea that I may have to before that and trying be ready for it. Basically, living everyday prepared to kill yourself when night comes but also fully expecting to wake up the morning after. It has been a hard concept for me to grasp and learn how to manage, but I hope I can before it's too late.

Right now, what me scares the most is never actually being to able to successfully do it being and stuck in misery flirting with homelessness and health struggles, and just existing in a perpetual state of contempt repeating the same cycles over and over again.

 

[lavendermeadows]

Five years ago, I was just as miserable as I am now. I don't wanna risk five more years of misery just to decide to CTB then… when it could've been just over and done with now… if only I can decide how I'm gonna do it

 

[Saltedcoffee]

Five years ago I was a first time mom to a 5 mo old baby. Had my first psych ward visit a couple of months postpartum, spent all the nights carrying the fussing baby around and I was. So. Tired. The kids are older now so considering that aspect, it is easier. I also managed to finish my degree in media production during those years.

Five years from now, I'm supposed to have a master's degree in archaeology, which has been my dream job since childhood. If I can make it that far, I do believe I'd be in a better position or somewhat happier than I am now. Hopefully.

 

[aquasaltstripes]

Ah, the infamous interview question. A few years ago I would find the whole "where ya see yaself in five years?" question just annoying and insipid but now it's kinda sad. I'm kind of dodging the question by describing how I hope I see myself in five years as opposed to how I actually see myself in five years but I hope I will have my depression and suicidal thoughts simmered down or softened to some sort of murmur, so to speak, and create art I enjoy and love, and have a handful of good friends, and perhaps live in apartment with some good roommates and split rent and find joy and fulfillment and community in the day's work along with the shitty climate-change-ridden earth we all share — as opposed to just being plain old crushed by these things.

Definitely not in a better place than five years ago though xP

 

[FeyB]

I think five years is restrictive as a time period but I have always thought since the time I can remember that life if cyclicle of ups and downs, not only on a mood swing level but rather an existancial level as we humans are bound to strive for more, or at least I personally thinks so and it applies a lot to me. So yea I think yes but not at such a perfect interval but rather on a certain points