Story The Final Nail in the Coffin

[CentreMid]

My (ex)partner and I broke up. We'd recently come up with ways to help what we had flourish again, but none of that matters now. She told me that she felt like she needed let me go because she didn't feel ready for such a committed relationship, and that she wanted to "set me free" becuase she felt like she was leading me on in a way.

I understand if she feels she's not ready for that kind of commitment, and of course there are worse ways for people to break up, but I am still absolutely broken. I thought we were doing just fine and were on a path towards healing and building something beautiful but apparently not. I was hoping for something super long-term, lifelong even, but I guess that's not happening now. I suppose she was right when she said she was leading me on in a way, as she gave no indication that she'd felt this way previously. Had she felt otherwise, I feel like she and I could've achieved that, but I digress. She still wants to remain friends, but I'm not so sure we'll be able to make it. I feel like she and I are too far gone for that now, and I don't know what to do.

I know it's unhealthy to put a person on a pedestal, but I really have nobody to live for anymore. She was the one person I could confidently say I was proud of having in my life. She was a huge source of both joy and comfort. She showed me what a healthy relationship looked like and completely turned my views on love and romantic relationships around. She was the reason I kept going, the reason I got better and tried recovery again. All of that's gone now. I feel empty. I want out.

I wouldn't say this is another one of reasons to die, but she's definitely taken away a reason to live because of this (although one could argue that those things are one in the same. I don't know. Perhaps I should save that argument/thought for another time), and this whole situation certainly solidifies my desire to ctb.

Anywho, to anyone still reading, thank you for doing so. Take Care.

 

[Depression]

Just coming off a bad breakup too. You aren't alone. Feel free to reach out if you need some to talk too.

 

[Murt]

I'm getting divorced from my wife after 18 years. She was my one true friend and I feel like this is the end. I've done everything I could to fix things with her, but years of me being a workaholic & alcoholic (now in recovery) has been too much for her. I understand, but I'm broken. I have been told to "wait out" the pain as things get better but I just can't see it.

 

[SantasHelper]

I know how you feel. I recently split up from my bestfriend because I felt like our relationship/situationship wasn't working out. It felt one sided, I gave them more affection than they did to me. Everything seemed so good over a year ago, even almost a year ago everything was fine. Now everything is terrible.

It was a hard thing for me to do. I know it was my fault we ended things. But I was getting depressed. Now I kinda regret it because I'm slightly even more depressed and the CTB thoughts are more louder now days.


I hope you heal and find peace soon

 

[Murt]

Hope you too. Sometimes it's tougher being the person to end the relationship, and the indecision of what's the right thing to do. Look after yourself.

 

[ChildrensITV]

My (ex)partner and I broke up. We'd recently come up with ways to help what we had flourish again, but none of that matters now. She told me that she felt like she needed let me go because she didn't feel ready for such a committed relationship, and that she wanted to "set me free" becuase she felt like she was leading me on in a way.

I understand if she feels she's not ready for that kind of commitment, and of course there are worse ways for people to break up, but I am still absolutely broken. I thought we were doing just fine and were on a path towards healing and building something beautiful but apparently not. I was hoping for something super long-term, lifelong even, but I guess that's not happening now. I suppose she was right when she said she was leading me on in a way, as she gave no indication that she'd felt this way previously. Had she felt otherwise, I feel like she and I could've achieved that, but I digress. She still wants to remain friends, but I'm not so sure we'll be able to make it. I feel like she and I are too far gone for that now, and I don't know what to do.

I know it's unhealthy to put a person on a pedestal, but I really have nobody to live for anymore. She was the one person I could confidently say I was proud of having in my life. She was a huge source of both joy and comfort. She showed me what a healthy relationship looked like and completely turned my views on love and romantic relationships around. She was the reason I kept going, the reason I got better and tried recovery again. All of that's gone now. I feel empty. I want out.

I wouldn't say this is another one of reasons to die, but she's definitely taken away a reason to live because of this (although one could argue that those things are one in the same. I don't know. Perhaps I should save that argument/thought for another time), and this whole situation certainly solidifies my desire to ctb.

Anywho, to anyone still reading, thank you for doing so. Take Care.

I am there. When I was with my ex, it didn't give me motivation to live a full and happy life, because my life was still an unfixable shitshow. But it gave me just enough will to get out of bed and be borderline functioning - to be open to any scarce positivity that might blow my way, but when she dumped me, I became bedridden. That was it. I have not done anything since we broke up. I have mustered the will to go to the gym maybe 4 times but I just don't see a reason to go now. Who am I trying to impress?

I don't leave the house unless it's under the cover of darkness or I am forced to. It took me a whole week to muster the will to go collect my SSRI prescription. I am at my lowest ebb. I can't do anything but watch YouTube and post here. If I still had her in my life, I wouldn't be fixed by any means but there would be a reason to push through one more day, one more day again, one more day yet again, but now that I have nothing, I need to die. But I can't leave family in the lurch. I am so fucking stuck. I resent having family cuz without them, I could leave.

I am not trying to be mean but it sounds to me that she was letting you down easily. Unless you smothered her with neediness, I don't get her actions: she dated you for a while then decided that she can't offer commitment. I think she meant that she can't offer commitment to YOU specifically, because of how your relationship affected her. Women want a strong stable rock and they get tired of supporting you after a while. They call it emotional labour. I know this site likes to pretend you can't make generalizations about sexes, or they think generalizations are judgments, but hey.


Good luck.

 

[11April]

When I read this, my heart trembled, because this problem is very similar to mine. I don't know if knowing that you are not alone in this problem will help you. Helps me personally. I just see that my reason is not as stupid as I originally thought. Usually people want ctb because of physical pain, mental disorders, death of someone close. Our problem is much less common. I sincerely sympathize with you and wish you all the best. I know this feeling.
P.S. I really liked your phrase "I wouldn't say this is another one of reasons to die, but she's definitely taken away a reason to live".

 

[CentreMid]

I am not trying to be mean but it sounds to me that she was letting you down easily. Unless you smothered her with neediness, I don't get her actions: she dated you for a while then decided that she can't offer commitment. I think she meant that she can't offer commitment to YOU specifically, because of how your relationship affected her. Women want a strong stable rock and they get tired of supporting you after a while. They call it emotional labour. I know this site likes to pretend you can't make generalizations about sexes, or they think generalizations are judgments, but hey.


Good luck.

As for the reason she let me go, I don't think it was about neediness. We gave each other space to voice our concerns if anything was wrong. If I was being to needy, she would let me know. She has made me aware of things like that in the past, and I've made efforts to get better and have asked for feedback on my progress, so I don't think it's a matter of her taking care of me. It's one of the reasons why our relationship was so healthy. And yes, I am aware of emotional labour (I've done too much of that in previous relationships lemme tell ya. Also, I'm a lady myself btw). I really do think she just wasn't ready for somthing stable is all. But thank you.

 

[ChildrensITV]

As for the reason she let me go, I don't think it was about neediness. We gave each other space to voice our concerns if anything was wrong. If I was being to needy, she would let me know. She has made me aware of things like that in the past, and I've made efforts to get better and have asked for feedback on my progress, so I don't think it's a matter of her taking care of me. It's one of the reasons why our relationship was so healthy. And yes, I am aware of emotional labour (I've done too much of that in previous relationships lemme tell ya. Also, I'm a lady myself btw). I really do think she just wasn't ready for somthing stable is all. But thank you.

Oh OK. I know nothing about WLW relationship dynamics so I will take your word for it. What I said doesn't apply! Sorry for assuming you were a man. How long were you two together? How much has the breakup affected you, like, can you not think straight, are you sleeping more, etc?

 

[EmpathyMinded]

My (ex)partner and I broke up. We'd recently come up with ways to help what we had flourish again, but none of that matters now. She told me that she felt like she needed let me go because she didn't feel ready for such a committed relationship, and that she wanted to "set me free" becuase she felt like she was leading me on in a way.

I understand if she feels she's not ready for that kind of commitment, and of course there are worse ways for people to break up, but I am still absolutely broken. I thought we were doing just fine and were on a path towards healing and building something beautiful but apparently not. I was hoping for something super long-term, lifelong even, but I guess that's not happening now. I suppose she was right when she said she was leading me on in a way, as she gave no indication that she'd felt this way previously. Had she felt otherwise, I feel like she and I could've achieved that, but I digress. She still wants to remain friends, but I'm not so sure we'll be able to make it. I feel like she and I are too far gone for that now, and I don't know what to do.

I know it's unhealthy to put a person on a pedestal, but I really have nobody to live for anymore. She was the one person I could confidently say I was proud of having in my life. She was a huge source of both joy and comfort. She showed me what a healthy relationship looked like and completely turned my views on love and romantic relationships around. She was the reason I kept going, the reason I got better and tried recovery again. All of that's gone now. I feel empty. I want out.

I wouldn't say this is another one of reasons to die, but she's definitely taken away a reason to live because of this (although one could argue that those things are one in the same. I don't know. Perhaps I should save that argument/thought for another time), and this whole situation certainly solidifies my desire to ctb.

Anywho, to anyone still reading, thank you for doing so. Take Care.

I'm sorry you're struggling. Breakups are always tough. Been in exactly your position before, though out pain is unique to each of us obviously. If you need anyone to talk to I'm here. Thinking of you regardless though. Great job composing your thoughts on such a tough situation by the way. That takes a willpower all it's own, so props to you for that.

 

[CentreMid]

First off, thank you everyone for your kind words. I am currently trying to come up with a plan for my next attempt. Still haven't come up with anything for certain yet but I'll figure something out.

Oh OK. I know nothing about WLW relationship dynamics so I will take your word for it. What I said doesn't apply! Sorry for assuming you were a man. How long were you two together? How much has the breakup affected you, like, can you not think straight, are you sleeping more, etc?

No worries. That being said, I think any couple can have a healthy relationship regardless of sexual orientation or gender. It's not a strictly straight or LGBTQ+ sort of thing. It just so happened to be that my healthiest relationship was with another lady is all.

We were together for a year. I know it seems pretty committed when I put it that way, but as I said previously, I was really hoping for something longer than that, life-long even, if possible. I get that not everyone is ready for that kind of commitment, if at all, and that's fine. But it's still incredibly painful to see something I've worked so hard for completely disappear.

As for how it's affecting me, I haven't been eating as much lately, and I've unfortunately relapsed into my old self-harming habits. That's all I can really allow myself to do right now though. I know it's extremely unhealthy to stuff my feelings down, but unfortunately life won't even let me grieve properly. I have to keep a brave face and force myself to be functional or else I will be homeless in the very near future (I can't let anyone at work worry about me). Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that I need to pay the bills, I would also probably be bedridden for a good week or so.

Anywho, that's enough of me. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me. I hope you find peace as well. Take care

 

[ChildrensITV]

Thanks for taking the time to talk to me.

Thanks and good luck!

 

[Depression]

I am there. When I was with my ex, it didn't give me motivation to live a full and happy life, because my life was still an unfixable shitshow. But it gave me just enough will to get out of bed and be borderline functioning - to be open to any scarce positivity that might blow my way, but when she dumped me, I became bedridden. That was it. I have not done anything since we broke up. I have mustered the will to go to the gym maybe 4 times but I just don't see a reason to go now. Who am I trying to impress?

I don't leave the house unless it's under the cover of darkness or I am forced to. It took me a whole week to muster the will to go collect my SSRI prescription. I am at my lowest ebb. I can't do anything but watch YouTube and post here. If I still had her in my life, I wouldn't be fixed by any means but there would be a reason to push through one more day, one more day again, one more day yet again, but now that I have nothing, I need to die. But I can't leave family in the lurch. I am so fucking stuck. I resent having family cuz without them, I could leave.

I am not trying to be mean but it sounds to me that she was letting you down easily. Unless you smothered her with neediness, I don't get her actions: she dated you for a while then decided that she can't offer commitment. I think she meant that she can't offer commitment to YOU specifically, because of how your relationship affected her. Women want a strong stable rock and they get tired of supporting you after a while. They call it emotional labour. I know this site likes to pretend you can't make generalizations about sexes, or they think generalizations are judgments, but hey.


Good luck.

This story speaks to me man. This is exactly where I'm at with my life. I've lost all motivation. I just scroll here and watch YouTube. Only leave at night if I absolutely have too. And feeling guilty about wanting to CTB cause I don't wanna leave my family.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your suffering, your reasoning is valid and the emotional hurt and pain is immense, especially someone you wish to be with and want to be with. While I'm not looking to get into a relationship, I could see how there are people who want to but aren't able to or have a really bad separation that would lead them to such intense emotional, and psychological suffering that is just as bad (or worse) than physical pain.