The Facade of Recovery - Is It Worth It?

[medjooled11]

Despite the benefits of recovery, I feel much of my plight is a result of my external circumstances. My strongest positive mental state can't shake these feelings of defeat, helplessness, or hopelessness instilled in my mind, especially as I learn more about myself, our society, and human behavior. I can't shut off or repress my perceptive, empathetic nature.

I'm not saying this to shift blame to avoid responsibility as I sincerely believe in self-determination, but I just always end the day (or start the day) feeling like I have to be delusional in order to be a functional member of society. Intrinsic motivation isn't effective anymore. Taking small steps day by day makes me feel so insignificant and somewhat comical akin to the carrot and the stick.
Perhaps I'm being egocentric, but what's the point if I have to change my entire self in order to survive modern life? It's no wonder governments, think-tanks, and corporations have spent billions on re-engineering the human population. I don't want to experience the next 40-50 years.

Excuse my complaining, I wish someone had all the answers. Please share your thoughts, advice, or any struggles you have with recovery.

 

[Nolan96]

Intrinsic motivation isn't effective anymore.

This is the hard part, when not only have you lost all natural momentum and have to consciously work yourself up, but when you try to conceptualize what attainable goal you're working for in your head you basically come up blank.

 

[motel rooms]

I feel much of my plight is a result of my external circumstances. My strongest positive mental state can't shake these feelings of defeat, helplessness, or hopelessness instilled in my mind, especially as I learn more about myself, our society, and human behavior. I can't shut off or repress my perceptive, empathetic nature.

It's interesting you still believe in self-determination. Why is it necessary for you to repress your perceptive, empathetic nature? Don't you claim to be spiritual? Be perceptive, empathetic & spiritual, do some volunteering or whatever it is that spiritual folks do & make friends with others like you...

 

[Sherri]

Despite the benefits of recovery, I feel much of my plight is a result of my external circumstances. My strongest positive mental state can't shake these feelings of defeat, helplessness, or hopelessness instilled in my mind, especially as I learn more about myself, our society, and human behavior. I can't shut off or repress my perceptive, empathetic nature.

I'm not saying this to shift blame to avoid responsibility as I sincerely believe in self-determination, but I just always end the day (or start the day) feeling like I have to be delusional in order to be a functional member of society. Intrinsic motivation isn't effective anymore. Taking small steps day by day makes me feel so insignificant and somewhat comical akin to the carrot and the stick.
Perhaps I'm being egocentric, but what's the point if I have to change my entire self in order to survive modern life? It's no wonder governments, think-tanks, and corporations have spent billions on re-engineering the human population. I don't want to experience the next 40-50 years.

Excuse my complaining, I wish someone had all the answers. Please share your thoughts, advice, or any struggles you have with recovery.

Hey you angel, haven't seen you in a while. Hope you are ok. Recovery is possible, but medications can do so much, the rest is up to us. And we will always have this side of us who will fell down, less, but still there,but nothing compared of what you feel now. Society can scare yiy it scares me a lot, that's why I live day by day. Have you seen a doc?

 

[whatevs]

It shouldn't be a facade, that's the thing... If it is, you aren't recovering.

I also haven't found my place in the world, I'm still searching. I found spots where I feel less doomed to suicide but nothing really comfortable.

 

[Sherri]

i am recovering , I mean I'm not dancing of happiness around tge house, but I def feel much better when I started my therapy 2 years ago, this combo of meds I'm taking really works, I still have my days, but the better days outnumber the bad ones. it's a day by day forever like an alcoholic I'm aware of that. It's a risk I'm willing to take, i was a mess when I first joined ss.

 

[western_heart]

The world sucks and for me, recovery means constantly fighting to find a comfortable place within it. Accepting imperfections and knowing that I can't do anything about most problems. Trying to be a positive influence where I can without sacrificing myself too much.

I have changed myself a lot over the years, but they seem to mostly be changes I'm happy with - I would rather be dead than not be true to myself. It takes a lot of self-manipulation just to allow myself to exist in a system that's unfair.

I keep up the façade of being a stable person, but my recovery is definitely real, even though I stumble a lot.

 

[Lost Magic]

All you can do is take one day at a time, and try not to get bogged down with things. You are doing your best. Just remember everybody gets ups and downs. That's just the rollercoaster nature of living. You are human.

 

[myopybyproxy]

Completely agree. Seems to be no point to recovery when the rest of society is still as fucked up as it is. I don't want to be part of it. I've yet to figure it out but just wanted to share you're not alone in feeling this way.

 

[Circles]

What I hate about recovery is that no matter what I do suicide just never leaves my mind. It's like it's impossible to ever stop being fully 100% suicidal.