I can't think very clearly unfortunately, I can no longer organize long thoughts in a clear way. So I will write my post this way. My method is to choke myself with little stuff like pomegranates, and also adding banana, sand. I have illogical fear of surviving. I think I can survive anything (more on this later).
A few months ago when I posted my goodbye post and ended up living, I didnt imagine I wouldnt even fear SI after few months. SI technically exists, yes, I will feel panicked, but, okay, I abandon my attempt. Ok. Now what? Return to my old life? Where doctors no matter what they dont take me seriously, after applying many times, getting no jobs (or very bad jobs, 16 hours a day work). I have high cholesterol (LDL level 140), no doctor pays attention whatsoever. They helped me reduce my SI lol.
Return, apply to one more job, meet with a person, get 34th promise of "we are going to do this for you blah blah" and then get ghosted? Not anymore
I initially thought I should also cut my throat. Turns out, carotid artery cut can be survived, even if I am found 2 hours after cut!!!! Here is a link titled as Case Report: Two cases of survival after complete transection of the left common carotid artery:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9935701/
But how about windpipe? Can cut windpipe AND internal jugular artery be survived? OF course.
Title: Successful management of suicidal cut throat injury with internal jugular, tracheal and esophageal transection: A case report
I have no link for this, but I saw on TV news that a person (maybe 12 years old) survived after accidentally falling down from 10th floor. He was in a coma for 14 days though. Doctors said his lungs were in a terrible shape.
Such stuff made me worried: what If I survive? This turned into illogical, delusional fear.
I wanted to drown myself (it is cold here), but turns out, people survive cardiac arrest for 6 hours:
www.bbc.com
That is why I chose choking. I couldn't find one single article that a person survived it for more than 5 minutes. My only fear is partial obstruction, and coughing/vomiting. But I heard that If I hyperventilate before swallowing fruits, there wont be enough carbon remaining in lungs to make me cough. Coughing may open airways. Hyperventilation also makes suffocation more bearable, as carbon is released from body, I can hold breath longer.
To protect myself against partial obstruction, I will also swallow lots of smaller hard stuff like pomegranates or chicken nuggets for dogs, in addition to banana and sand. Such little stuff will better obstruct and be stuck inside throat, water/saliva wont make them slippery or weaker.
That is it. Very soon. I will be free. I have reached point of no return mentally. I will choke myself in wilderness, but close to some major town. Hopefully I wont be found for 1 hour. Maybe I will do it when it is getting darker.
It feels awkward to write second goodbye post, but I am 99% sure this time I will do it. I wont give my life another chance
If I can survive choking, please let me know. If you have any tips, please, let me know. I have some hours.
This place helped me so much, so I decided to write this post and be as helpful as I can. Try to do something. My post may (or may not) add some value, maybe be helpful for some people. I tried my best to be as accurate as I can and write everything I know
IF I end up surviving or abandoning my plan, I will write a comment / update my post. But very highly likely, I will be gone
A few months ago when I posted my goodbye post and ended up living, I didnt imagine I wouldnt even fear SI after few months. SI technically exists, yes, I will feel panicked, but, okay, I abandon my attempt. Ok. Now what? Return to my old life? Where doctors no matter what they dont take me seriously, after applying many times, getting no jobs (or very bad jobs, 16 hours a day work). I have high cholesterol (LDL level 140), no doctor pays attention whatsoever. They helped me reduce my SI lol.
Return, apply to one more job, meet with a person, get 34th promise of "we are going to do this for you blah blah" and then get ghosted? Not anymore
I initially thought I should also cut my throat. Turns out, carotid artery cut can be survived, even if I am found 2 hours after cut!!!! Here is a link titled as Case Report: Two cases of survival after complete transection of the left common carotid artery:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9935701/
But how about windpipe? Can cut windpipe AND internal jugular artery be survived? OF course.
Title: Successful management of suicidal cut throat injury with internal jugular, tracheal and esophageal transection: A case report
I have no link for this, but I saw on TV news that a person (maybe 12 years old) survived after accidentally falling down from 10th floor. He was in a coma for 14 days though. Doctors said his lungs were in a terrible shape.
Such stuff made me worried: what If I survive? This turned into illogical, delusional fear.
I wanted to drown myself (it is cold here), but turns out, people survive cardiac arrest for 6 hours:
Briton Audrey Schoeman revived after six-hour cardiac arrest
Audrey Schoeman fell unconscious when she was caught in a snowstorm while hiking in Spain.
www.bbc.com
That is why I chose choking. I couldn't find one single article that a person survived it for more than 5 minutes. My only fear is partial obstruction, and coughing/vomiting. But I heard that If I hyperventilate before swallowing fruits, there wont be enough carbon remaining in lungs to make me cough. Coughing may open airways. Hyperventilation also makes suffocation more bearable, as carbon is released from body, I can hold breath longer.
To protect myself against partial obstruction, I will also swallow lots of smaller hard stuff like pomegranates or chicken nuggets for dogs, in addition to banana and sand. Such little stuff will better obstruct and be stuck inside throat, water/saliva wont make them slippery or weaker.
That is it. Very soon. I will be free. I have reached point of no return mentally. I will choke myself in wilderness, but close to some major town. Hopefully I wont be found for 1 hour. Maybe I will do it when it is getting darker.
It feels awkward to write second goodbye post, but I am 99% sure this time I will do it. I wont give my life another chance
If I can survive choking, please let me know. If you have any tips, please, let me know. I have some hours.
This place helped me so much, so I decided to write this post and be as helpful as I can. Try to do something. My post may (or may not) add some value, maybe be helpful for some people. I tried my best to be as accurate as I can and write everything I know
IF I end up surviving or abandoning my plan, I will write a comment / update my post. But very highly likely, I will be gone
Last edited:
