I've sat with suicide on my mind since I was about 13. Well now I'm 26, and I think it's time for me to go. I have felt like a burden to the world for years, but in recent years it's gotten so much worse. I have tried so so hard to stick around and not want to be dead. I think the only guilt I really feel is leaving my sons behind. They're two, and I love them so so much. But I just can't do this anymore. I've caused more damage than good to everyone in my life. I can't do anything right. And then there's me hating myself physically blah blah blah. Everything's just too much now.
I wanna write notes to leave behind for them when they're older. I want them to know I really do love them so much. I just wish love could keep me alive. But unfortunately it isn't that simple. I know they'll probably hate me as they get older and I get that. I'm sure it really sucks to lose a parent. But they'll genuinely be better off without me.
So this is the end of the world. At least, the end of my world. I'd like to say it's been a good 26 years, but most of them have really fucking sucked. Trauma upon trauma. Bad decision after bad decision. Fucking up lives left and right. I don't know why I had to be born just to take myself out in the end. It's kind of fucked up.
I wanna die as soon as possible, but I'm gonna wait at least a couple of days because I know my mom really loves Halloween, and I'd hate to ruin her favorite holiday like that. I already feel guilty about wanting to do this. Can't have my ghost floating around guilty too lol. <3
I wanna write notes to leave behind for them when they're older. I want them to know I really do love them so much. I just wish love could keep me alive. But unfortunately it isn't that simple. I know they'll probably hate me as they get older and I get that. I'm sure it really sucks to lose a parent. But they'll genuinely be better off without me.
So this is the end of the world. At least, the end of my world. I'd like to say it's been a good 26 years, but most of them have really fucking sucked. Trauma upon trauma. Bad decision after bad decision. Fucking up lives left and right. I don't know why I had to be born just to take myself out in the end. It's kind of fucked up.
I wanna die as soon as possible, but I'm gonna wait at least a couple of days because I know my mom really loves Halloween, and I'd hate to ruin her favorite holiday like that. I already feel guilty about wanting to do this. Can't have my ghost floating around guilty too lol. <3
