We can be caught between knowing that we want to die, taking steps to accomplish it, and really just wanting life to be different, trying to find some way to escape or hide from it. Attempting suicide can be a way of shuffling the deck. No matter how much we may decry the control exercised over us once we've failed an attempt, we are the ones who got us there. It is a means of changing the life we are leading (abandoning control, which a lot of us want to do but for which are afraid of the repercussions). This is in part why some people commit crimes—to return to a controlled environment where they won't have to face the stress of decision-making.
Knowing that we can at any point terminate our lives can be a powerful incentive. "Okay, now I can do anything. If the heat gets to be too much, I can push 'eject, game over,' and I don't have to worry about the conditions I've created for myself." To many this is considered "weak, avoidance, cheating, sinful," etc., but that is just a human judgment intent on keeping us as their pawns, playing by their rules, condemned by their bogey gods, afraid to take the Final Power into their own hands and projecting this onto us as some sort of cosmic sin. After all, if they have to suffer in this shit-hole we're making of the world, we should be required to suffer it too, right? They'll say that we're a "sore loser" or a "spoiled-sport" (their game was ruined) if we don't remain inside their pitiful, finite game (cf. Carse, Watts) and submit to our position.
They are condemned to Hell in a life they deserve, and one's power to end one's own life is like a "secret weapon." Remember those spy movies and stories? (We may pretend we're a spy.) There's always the "cyanide pill" if we're captured or enter into a situation which may compromise our values and goals. If we condition ourselves to ingest it (something that these stories never talk about, but the spies have to endure it to break anti-suicidal conditioning)—that is, to terminate our lives—then we're better equipped to attain anything we want, or to die after feeling that our efforts were thwarted. It is arguable that this is one of the strengths of certain Asian martial codes, such as bushido, which focus so intently on the death of the participant.
If we're really creative, we may rig up a type of death which serves to accomplish something long in our wake, as is said of Jesus and Socrates.
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This is taken from ASM Suicide Reference -- A Practical Guide to Suicide, found here.
Admittedly I'm still hesitant on whether I truly want to CTB, however coming to this forum is incredibly calming for me. This is because I find a lot of empowerment in simply knowing that I have the power to end it at ANY time, and no one can take this away from me.
Knowing that we can at any point terminate our lives can be a powerful incentive. "Okay, now I can do anything. If the heat gets to be too much, I can push 'eject, game over,' and I don't have to worry about the conditions I've created for myself." To many this is considered "weak, avoidance, cheating, sinful," etc., but that is just a human judgment intent on keeping us as their pawns, playing by their rules, condemned by their bogey gods, afraid to take the Final Power into their own hands and projecting this onto us as some sort of cosmic sin. After all, if they have to suffer in this shit-hole we're making of the world, we should be required to suffer it too, right? They'll say that we're a "sore loser" or a "spoiled-sport" (their game was ruined) if we don't remain inside their pitiful, finite game (cf. Carse, Watts) and submit to our position.
They are condemned to Hell in a life they deserve, and one's power to end one's own life is like a "secret weapon." Remember those spy movies and stories? (We may pretend we're a spy.) There's always the "cyanide pill" if we're captured or enter into a situation which may compromise our values and goals. If we condition ourselves to ingest it (something that these stories never talk about, but the spies have to endure it to break anti-suicidal conditioning)—that is, to terminate our lives—then we're better equipped to attain anything we want, or to die after feeling that our efforts were thwarted. It is arguable that this is one of the strengths of certain Asian martial codes, such as bushido, which focus so intently on the death of the participant.
If we're really creative, we may rig up a type of death which serves to accomplish something long in our wake, as is said of Jesus and Socrates.
-----
This is taken from ASM Suicide Reference -- A Practical Guide to Suicide, found here.
Admittedly I'm still hesitant on whether I truly want to CTB, however coming to this forum is incredibly calming for me. This is because I find a lot of empowerment in simply knowing that I have the power to end it at ANY time, and no one can take this away from me.
