The element to beat SI: A thread of thank you and goodbye

[Chiisai]

Hello everyone! Finally got around the corner and beat SI. Such a liberating feeling and excited to welcome the experience of being at peace. If you're wondering how I did it, well... use the strongest element there is: the Element of Surprise! Haha. No Kidding. It might sound like a joke but I have tried fooling myself for the past few weeks. I have made the preparations over time and every action/intention towards the preparation, I tell myself a lie that Im not going to do it to prevent the subconscious or "conscience" from being aware. Now when it was all ready, I told myself that Id drink it later but I quickly snatched the bottle and downed it all. I finally was able to drink my SN in one go minutes ago. I am happy I was able to overcome SI but I am also anxious of the mystery that comes next. Will it be total nothingness or is there afterlife? I'll soon find out. Though I hope I could share what it will be but I doubt that would still be possible. Its time for me to logoff now. If I wont be online after a day, then I have already crossed.

As for those who are curious who I am, I believe there's no more harm in revealing my identity when Im going to leave anyway. So here it is, Male, 31 and was a university professor teaching Design, Animation, and Game/Multimedia Technologies however, I grew tired of the rat race when everything seems overworked yet underpaid. My reason to CTB aside from personal and financial reasons is that everyday, I already find it hard to maintain my health due to medical complications. I was just recently diagnosed with thalassemia which complicated into hemochromatosis. It drains the energy out of me and since my health is declining, Ive begun to suffer more infections which can affect social interactions. There are other reasons as well such as personal and relationship issues but well, they all clumped together and now Im exhausted.

Anyway, I am really thankful I found this forum and its community else I wouldnt be able to have an outlet for these pains. Thank you also to the members who I have had conversations with and exchanges in threads, you have made my stay worthwhile and my days bearable. Thank you very much and farewell. I might have left before you all but know that I will pray that you will be guided in your decisions and steer you to the best outcomes. Lots of love and hugs.
-Gabby

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

Good luck!! I hope you find what you seek!

 

[Death is beautiful]

Have you drunk SN? If yes I wish you a peaceful way

 

[Makko]

I tell myself a lie that Im not going to do it to prevent the subconscious or "conscience" from being aware. Now when it was all ready, I told myself that Id drink it later but I quickly snatched the bottle and downed it all.

Formidable ninja technique.

 

[hʚll]

i wish you so much peace!!!

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Tonight634]

Hello everyone! Finally got around the corner and beat SI. Such a liberating feeling and excited to welcome the experience of being at peace. If you're wondering how I did it, well... use the strongest element there is: the Element of Surprise! Haha. No Kidding. It might sound like a joke but I have tried fooling myself for the past few weeks. I have made the preparations over time and every action/intention towards the preparation, I tell myself a lie that Im not going to do it to prevent the subconscious or "conscience" from being aware. Now when it was all ready, I told myself that Id drink it later but I quickly snatched the bottle and downed it all. I finally was able to drink my SN in one go minutes ago. I am happy I was able to overcome SI but I am also anxious of the mystery that comes next. Will it be total nothingness or is there afterlife? I'll soon find out. Though I hope I could share what it will be but I doubt that would still be possible. Its time for me to logoff now. If I wont be online after a day, then I have already crossed.

As for those who are curious who I am, I believe there's no more harm in revealing my identity when Im going to leave anyway. So here it is, Male, 31 and was a university professor teaching Design, Animation, and Game/Multimedia Technologies however, I grew tired of the rat race when everything seems overworked yet underpaid. My reason to CTB aside from personal and financial reasons is that everyday, I already find it hard to maintain my health due to medical complications. I was just recently diagnosed with thalassemia which complicated into hemochromatosis. It drains the energy out of me and since my health is declining, Ive begun to suffer more infections which can affect social interactions. There are other reasons as well such as personal and relationship issues but well, they all clumped together and now Im exhausted.

Anyway, I am really thankful I found this forum and its community else I wouldnt be able to have an outlet for these pains. Thank you also to the members who I have had conversations with and exchanges in threads, you have made my stay worthwhile and my days bearable. Thank you very much and farewell. I might have left before you all but know that I will pray that you will be guided in your decisions and steer you to the best outcomes. Lots of love and hugs.
-Gabby

I hope you find the freedom and peace you've been looking for. Wish you safe travels

 

[newave3]

Good luck and goodbye

 

[Bedrock48]

I'm sorry to hear you're leaving the forum and the world so soon. Best of luck and I hope you find everything you seek, don't forget if anything changes we'll gladly welcome you back to the site.

 

[less than]

Whatever has led you to this decision, I wish you all the best and that you find what you are looking for. Goodbye

 

[OnlyTheWind]

That was really soon! I'm happy that you've overcome your SI, and wish you peace!

 

[clown_17]

I hope it's a peaceful journey

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

You're at peace now. Rest easy

 

[fox_wannabe]

I never thought I will see you leave. Rest in peace <3

 

[ClownMe]

I hope you find the peace you're looking for.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I hope you find the peace desired

 

[Deleted member 8975]

I will miss you.

 

[Donk]

RIP

 

[Jumping_realms]

I am wishing you a peaceful journey, friend

What you did is a great tool many use to combat SI. It's like with jumping, you tell yourself "I'm jumping on the count of three"...you then count to 2 and jump.

 

[Chiisai]

Heeey. Just woke up and thought I CTB-ed. Sadly nope. Still having a throbbing headache from what happened. Will share the experience and details later.

Edit:

Details and Dosage:

Stat Dose
2x Paracetamol 325mg/Ibuprofen 200mg at 12mn
3x Domperidone 10mg at 12:45am
2x Antacid tablets at 1:15am

I fasted for the entire day before this. Felt sleepy and dozed off then woke up at 3am. Hurriedly drank SN.
SN prepared was 3.5tbsp in a pill bottle. It was very salty. (Dont have a weighing scale so I played by the tbsp/gram table instead). Downed a bit of kiddie chocolate drink to mask the taste- might have been a wrong idea as the milk proteins inhibit stomach absorption.
After a few minutes, I gagged at how extremely salty it was and started salivating. Then after, I vomited a small amount. I feel its the same amount that was in the pill bottle. 5 minutes passed, felt like nothing happened so I prepped again my 2nd dose however, I got stumped because it will be the same salty taste again. Still went with the 3.5tbsp ratio and now, drank it in sips. Oh boy was I wrong to do that. After tasting again how salty it was, went downstairs to grab some chocolate in the fridge, as I was already happily scooping out some when I felt extremely dizzy. I attempted to hurry up and finish and go back upstairs but as I tried to move, my feet felt sluggish and crashed into the fridge door instead. A small blackout happened then surprised I was standing up. So while I got both of my feet on the ground, I hurriedly went back upstairs. There, I crashed into the door, my stack of helmets, and finally passed out on the bed. However after a few minutes, I woke up again with heart racing, world spinning, and thirsty as heck. Tried to stand up and go downstairs for a drink but my body was so wobbly I have to just bear the thirst. So this became a loop and went on until 5am. I finally had the strength and balance to go downstairs and have myself some water but damn it was so difficult like how it feels when youre running in your dreams. The water helped with subsiding the symptoms. From there, I fell asleep and woke up at 9am clutching my water bottle. I might have never loved water that much until that happened.

What possibly went wrong:
-was not on time for the drink
-drank chocolate milk after
-too much of SN that it became undrinkable(will try again with 2 or 2.5tbsp)
-must have additional water by bedside to ease comfort.

Hope this helps!

Note: my blackouts were utterly short because my heart was so loud it wakes me up, I believe I need Benzos in my situation. But I have no GP or prescription for it.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

I hope you recover quickly

 

[Chiisai]

I never thought I will see you leave. Rest in peace <3

Just came back haha. There might be something wrong with my method so I'll try it again.

 

[OrcWitch]

Heeey. Just woke up and thought I CTB-ed. Sadly nope. Still having a throbbing headache from what happened. Will share the experience and details later.

I am sorry dancing-chika poster. I wish you well whatever happens now

 

[Chiisai]

I hope you recover quickly

Bounced back and ready to go!

 

[Death is beautiful]

Heck! So many problems with SN! So many people wake up drinking it. I very much doubt his reputation, N seems much better

Bounced back and ready to go!

You are a very brave guy, I am sorry for what you went through

 

[Chiisai]

Heck! So many problems with SN! So many people wake up drinking it. I very much doubt his reputation, N seems much better

You are a very brave guy, I am sorry for what you went through

I believe its really effective, SN I mean.its just a matter of appropriate measurement ratio to make it happen.

 

[hʚll]

hey i am sorry all that happened to you. sending hugs, hoping you feel a bit better soon. i too think eating chocolate was not a good idea. but still i am not sure. like it is supposed to be a potent thing. i read reports of people who died because they had eaten foods with too much nitrite innit and that needed medical treatment for that (not suicide context). i even read another report of a person who drunk sn and then took some chocolate after it and they died. am just not sure how sn works at this point.. any doubts about the purity of your sn?
could i ask you how much time between the moment you drunk sn to the moment you realized it wasn't working ? did you vomit the second dose?
any blue in your body? you experienced only headache/fast heart beat/momentary passing out, anithing else?
sorry to ask so many questions. i just want to undesrtand more of this method. feel free to take all the time you need please. thank you for reporting your experience!

 

[ItsTimeToExit]

... N seems much better ....

Not seems. Is.

----

@Chiisai, I'm sorry your attempt failed. What do you think about taking it easy for the next couple of days to gather yourself?

 

[Chiisai]

hey i am sorry all that happened to you. sending hugs, hoping you feel a bit better soon. i too think eating chocolate was not a good idea. but still i am not sure. like it is supposed to be a potent thing. i read reports of people who died because they had eaten foods with too much nitrite innit and that needed medical treatment for that (not suicide context). i even read another report of a person who drunk sn and then took some chocolate after it and they died. am just not sure how sn works at this point.. any doubts about the purity of your sn?
could i ask you how much time between the moment you drunk sn to the moment you realized it wasn't working ? did you vomit the second dose?
any blue in your body? you experienced only headache/fast heart beat/momentary passing out, anithing else?
sorry to ask so many questions. i just want to undesrtand more of this method. feel free to take all the time you need please. thank you for reporting your experience!

I now understand why it didnt work. I was able to vomit all of the 1st dose then on the 2nd dose, I only drank a sip worth. I will now attempt to lessen the tbsp I'll put for the dose. Too much SN causes it to be too salty and triggers gagging reflex.

Not seems. Is.

----

@Chiisai, I'm sorry your attempt failed. What do you think about taking it easy for the next couple of days to gather yourself?

Thanks for the concern. Will try. Whatever will be, will be. ;)

 

[hʚll]

I now understand why it didnt work. I was able to vomit all of the 1st dose then on the 2nd dose, I only drank a sip worth. I will now attempt to lessen the tbsp I'll put for the dose. Too much SN causes it to be too salty and triggers gagging reflex.

so you are saying you vomited all the first dose, because at first you said you vomited a small amount so some of it might have been absorbed. you then drank only a sip of the second dose and you didn't vomit that one. am i right?
i don't know what to think. is sn not this potent thing we think of?
are you still sure your sn is pure though?

SORRY for asking questions when you are already feeling bad for the failure.