I remember when I was still young, I was so happy and full of life. But when I got to middle school everything changed, I was always the person with good grades and just perfect in everything school related. When I started to fail in school I just got pressure from all sides, parents, friends, teachers, and even from my grandparents. Because of that pressure I failed even more and when my grades went from a 1 to 3 (A to C) I got seen as a complete failure in my family. Just a girl that doesn't seem to care about school and was just lazy all the time. I started to lose friends because of that, teachers just said how disappointed they are and one even said: ''I hope you get a 1 (A) in the next exam, otherwise I don't want you in my course anymore, you are just ruining the average grade of the course.'' That was the point where I really thought that I was worthless, and still do to this day. I told the teachers many times, but they didn't believe me because I couldn't get a diagnosis. They thought I was just trying to make up an excuse for my bad grades. I just hope that the fucked up education system will get fixed one day, it has caused so many to lose their lives already.
My feelings feel somehow very invalid, some people have been through trauma or even abuse and I want to die of just too much pressure. It seems a bit silly, actually. I just hope that everyone can find their peace someday.
Hmm....I wonder where are you from, cause it seems like we have the same grading system as you do...
Well....I completely understand how you feel and agree with you. I like education in general, and I think it's very important, however I absolutely hate the school system.
In primary and middle school, I was something called 'the gifted student,' where I would always get really good grades and be one of the top students in my class. I tried, but I didn't have to try as hard in the beginning and people would always praise me. I was never good at anything besides academics and I was going through a lot of mental health problems and family issues, so validation from other people was rare to me....Of course I got kind of addicted to the feeling of at least academic validation, as it was the only way to get it, and as a result I became a huge perfectionist (even in other areas of my life). It's not a bad thing inherently, but fueled by the toxic school environment, it only resulted in more issues.
I feel like once you're a good student, the expectations of always being the best are crazy.
Good grades aren't celebrated anymore, they are expected. It's almost like they are mandatory at this point. Your good grades aren't even that focused on anymore, because everyone's like....Well of course, they're the smart one, what else.....
But god forbid if you get a bad grade, or if you don't perform that well anymore.....Then everyone acts like you did something bad, like you're lazy and oh my god you've changed so much, what happened to you? They can't even fanthom the idea, that you are just a simple human being with problems, that perhaps there are things more important than just stupid numbers or letters on your papers. They absolutely do not define anyone's intelligence whatsoever. The pressure is unbearable, especially at 'prestigeous' schools, and a lot of people cbt because they just can't do it anymore....So no, your feelings are absolutely valid and I'm sorry that you had to go through that.
And ugh.... Don't even get me started on how they turn the students against each other and how they completely ignore bullying, but god help you, if you want to go to the bathroom during class....
Anyway, sorry for the long tangent, but I've always hated the system and I alway will... It's so stupid, really. Your academic performance does not define your worth as a person.
