the desire to suffer

[j3n4829]

i don't understand how a human brain works, we all know that a normal human being obviously doesn't want to suffer, right? but i want to make this body suffer as much as possible, why do i have to live in this body? this body is the reason i want to die, it exists as a vessel and without it ill no longer be suffering, i starve, dehydrate, sleep deprive. hurt this body as much as possible until i physically and mentally cant handle it anymore. No matter what i can never get enough of my suffering, it just makes me feel like i need to suffer more and its never enough. Why do i do this to myself?

 

[tiger b]

You could argue that a 'normal' person does want to suffer, to a greater or lesser extent, even just by actually being here. I guess it depends how you look at it.

I would guess - only guess - that you were punishing yourself, as well as trying to destroy the prison that keeps you suffering. You say 'never enough' - but never enough for what?

I wish you the clarity that you seek.