The days are too long

[whatevs]

Even on good days I cannot do chit-chat marathons or activity after activity in a day. I'm exhausted and don't click that much with anybody. You might want to have an incensed discussion on Ukraine, but I know for a fact that has nothing to do with me and know very little of the context, so I won't engage.

I'm unrelentingly alien and aloof, out of place, good at masking it but not at not feeling the effects of the alienation.

Don't want to kill myself but I would make the days shorter. I'm getting tired of life in general and of people in particular.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I think that's pretty much how all of us feel here. Honestly, I don't think anyone wants to kill themselves. I just think it reaches a point where that choice becomes non-existent. The human will is strong, but there are breaking points. Some can seemingly take more "shit" than others. How long it takes for an individual to reach their breaking point, who knows? I'm tired of life. Well, my life anyway. Tired of being alone. Tired of all the days alike. Tired of all the shit. Tired of feeling hopeless. Tired of nothing ever better happening. One can take that for so long and then just can't take it anymore. Honestly, I have absolutely no idea why I'm even here anymore. None. There's where I am. You may be in a slightly different place. Maybe you won't even get to the point where I am.

 

[Hurt]

That's why I sleep too much. To avoid reality.

 

[hopelessgirl]

Sleeping is good for that. Or reading books kept me a bit busy.

 

[whatevs]

Honestly, I have absolutely no idea why I'm even here anymore. None. There's where I am. You may be in a slightly different place. Maybe you won't even get to the point where I am.

Hopefully I don't. But overall, yes. I'm there too. I've become the character in one of these existentialist books I enjoyed as a teenager. The Stranger, The Nausea.... It's one thing to read about picturesque psychological malaise and another thing to endure it.

Hmm, yeah, I also envisioned suicide as that. It's just like a mathematical event, in which an exact numeric threshold of misery is surpassed and a chain reaction happens, a person will to exist is broken. It's not really a decision, since by default we don't want to die. It probably is more like a material that breaks under enough pressure than a decision.

 

[its-about-time]

Same. Every day is the exact same for me with few exceptions. Spend all day in my little trailer doing nothing. I recently went and visited some friends for a week out of town and it was good but reminded me why I stay home and ignore my phone. It's just too hard to do things. I don't work, I don't go out to bars or restaurants anymore, I don't take my dog on hikes anymore, I just lay on the couch all day watching shit tv waiting for the day to be over so I can do it all again. Fucking pathetic.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Same. Every day is the exact same for me with few exceptions. Spend all day in my little trailer doing nothing. I recently went and visited some friends for a week out of town and it was good but reminded me why I stay home and ignore my phone. It's just too hard to do things. I don't work, I don't go out to bars or restaurants anymore, I don't take my dog on hikes anymore, I just lay on the couch all day watching shit tv waiting for the day to be over so I can do it all again. Fucking pathetic.

Man, that's damn close to my days, minus the dog, and minus the friends. Actually, and minus the phone, too, because I don't get any phone calls except robocalls. I will say that, since I found SS and started posting, the days seem to be shorter, and that's not meant as a negative towards SS. I swear I look at the clock one minute and it's 2:00 PM, and the next time I look at the clock and it's 4:30 or 5:00, and that 2-1/2 or 3 hours just went by like nothing. I've done everything alone at least the past 15 years. I drive alone, go to the stores alone, eat alone (well, I did go over my mother's up until last year and eat meals with her on occasion), sleep alone........everything. I'm not working, either, although I could and should be. I lost my last job through lay-off when the "Great Recession" hit in 2008 and was unable to find another anytime soon after because there simply were no jobs at that time. Then time went on and it got harder and harder to find anything, and I got older and older, and employers just don't want to hire people my age (56 now) and I'm not working for some $12 or $15 an hour. I have a mechanical engineering degree and I'm just not going to work for pittance. I've already worked those jobs while going to school. Fuck them!

 

[thedaywillcome]

Too depressing

 

[fatefulstillness]

I feel this way too and I don't seem to be able to figure it out. Thank you for putting it into words. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

 

[Manaaja]

I alternate between the days are too long and too short. I feel they are both at the same time. They are too short in that not much good happened in them, but too long as in too much shit happened in them.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Same :/

 

[watchingthewheels]

I get that. I was working on a project that was keeping my mind occupied in my free time after work. But that's now finished, and I'm back to where I was before; feeling that the days are too long, and going to bed early, only not being able to sleep. (Considered starting another planned project, but don't see the point, anymore; no desire, and don't want to waste effort on something I won't finish.)

 

[FuneralCry]

The days are very long for me as well, time just passes too slowly and I am tired of living. I do not understand how people can put up with this life for so many decades, the life expectancy is far too long. I just want to be gone. Being alive always feels so pointless.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Even on good days I cannot do chit-chat marathons or activity after activity in a day. I'm exhausted and don't click that much with anybody. You might want to have an incensed discussion on Ukraine, but I know for a fact that has nothing to do with me and know very little of the context, so I won't engage.

I'm unrelentingly alien and aloof, out of place, good at masking it but not at not feeling the effects of the alienation.

Don't want to kill myself but I would make the days shorter. I'm getting tired of life in general and of people in particular.

My brain gets tired after 30 mins of focussed chit-chat, then by 45 mins I feel light-headed, like I need some carbs as immediate energy for my starving brain, like it's just ran a marathon. That's it for the day then. I doubt I could do it again later on with any enthusiasm. I've always thought that just meant I'm 'introverted'.

 

[whatevs]

My brain gets tired after 30 mins of focussed chit-chat, then by 45 mins I feel light-headed, like I need some carbs as immediate energy for my starving brain, like it's just ran a marathon. That's it for the day then. I doubt I could do it again later on with any enthusiasm. I've always thought that just meant I'm 'introverted'.

My family can go on for 4 hours straight chit-chatting. It's mind-boggling. I can do 2h tops if it's non stop.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

My family can go on for 4 hours straight chit-chatting. It's mind-boggling. I can do 2h tops if it's non stop.

My parents are getting old, so 4 hours is beyond them now, thank God. I look forward to their weekday afternoon naps, so they all shut-up and I can enjoy silence for a bit.