Venting The constant need to stay busy

[Loserparasite]

Recently, I've been struggling with this constant need to be busy. I've been pretty chill with killing time doing nothing for most of my life. This overwhelming urge to do everything is KILLING me.
I've pretty much ripped my entire house apart cleaning it from top to bottom.

This has also violently affected my sense of time. I'm just at a loss for what to do with this. If this is mania it's unlike it has ever been in my years of living...
The worst part of it all is the urge to relapse into self-harm when I have nothing to do.

 

[kaipuff]

i get it. i always have to have work to do, something to pay attention to, or i go nuts. i have to constantly have something to look at or else my brain goes straight to hurting myself or hurting someone else when most of the time in that moment i dont even want to, but then the thought consumes me and i zone out for hours thinking about it and end up relapsing.