Discussion The Body Debate

[CarbonMonoxide]

Hi guys. Here's the reason for my thread, I'd like to hear your thoughts on the following:

Do you want your body to be found or not?

Hear me out. I've come across cases of ctb where the person does it close to home or even in the house. This has always horrified me because of the impact on unwitting loved ones. Even if you ctb a thousand miles from home, authorities will always find you and report the cause of death as suicide to loved ones.

I've always had a problem with this. My ideal ctb would be in a wilderness (plenty of those in my country) where chances of being found are slim to none. I don't want my body to be found. Here are the reasons:

1. I'd rather my family members think I disappeared mysteriously. It hurts to imagine my wife and kid living with the fact that I intentionally left them alone.

2. Call it false pride, but I'd rather not leave a legacy of suicide. I'd rather not have people thinking I killed myself.

What do you think? Would you want to be found? Would you want your cause of death to be identified as ctb?

 

[Uselessatbest]

I would not want to be found. I don't want anyone to see my dead body and be traumitized. Well my parents hate me and they believe it's a son blah blah blah. I have no friends so it doesn't matter. I can't speak for anyone who has good relationships with others. I would want my death to be ruled a freak accident because I been to the psych wards many times.

 

[Eren]

It's something I've thought about a lot, at home I can't do it, I don't want my mother to be the one to find me, due to the emotional impact it can have.

But on the other hand, if I do it in a very remote place it could take a long time to find me, and that also supposes a hard emotional blow for my loved ones.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

I would not want to be found. I don't want anyone to see my dead body and be traumitized. Well my parents hate me and they believe it's a son blah blah blah. I have no friends so it doesn't matter. I can't speak for anyone who has good relationships with others. I would want my death to be ruled a freak accident because I been to the psych wards many times.

You know what, I totally agree. Question is, how do you make it look like an accident without resorting do painful and potentially unsuccessful methods like car accidents?

 

[Isadeth]

I would want to be found. Not by my loved ones, especially not by my kids... but I would want whatever could be salvaged to be donated to others, if able, along with the comfort they know where I am. A lot of people need the closure of burial or cremations. I also don't want them to feel the need to search or wonder for the rest of their lives.

I personally don't want the legacy of suicide to be what my kids think of when someone mentions me. So an accident would be ideal, but I rather my family at least know where I'm at.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

It's something I've thought about a lot, at home I can't do it, I don't want my mother to be the one to find me, due to the emotional impact it can have.

But on the other hand, if I do it in a very remote place it could take a long time to find me, and that also supposes a hard emotional blow for my loved ones.

Here's how I see it. I've never known my father. He may or may not be alive. However as much as it hurts, I think it would hurt way more if I knew he intentionally chose to leave this world. Maybe it's better for it to remain a mystery?

 

[FriendofDeath]

Finding a suicide is very traumatic. Thing is, I don't really want my body to just disappear, either. I hope, should I ctb, that I have a plan. I know it's crazy, but there's a cemetery here where I'd like to be interred with my son. It's ancient (for the US), beautiful and peaceful.

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

I dont want my body to be found simply to avoid family paying a funeral for a useless person. They dont have enough money anyway, and theyll just struggle too much.

 

[FriendofDeath]

Here's how I see it. I've never known my father. He may or may not be alive. However as much as it hurts, I think it would hurt way more if I knew he intentionally chose to leave this world. Maybe it's better for it to remain a mystery?

I can certainly understand your reasoning. It is very difficult for those left behind to understand a suicide, and there are always the questions - what could I have done to change the outcome? It's tough when you have family. My family already has suicide on a number of branches on our family tree.

 

[woxihuanni]

Since I will never understand why anybody would kill themselves if they have a loving family they care about, it is a completely alien realm of thinking. I am dying in the house precisely so that I will be discovered here. And hope that my body takes a giant crap when it's dead.

 

[Philosykos]

I mean, ideally, a death ruled an accident would definitely be preferable. But if I had to choose between being remembered for suicide and never being found at all, I'd choose the former. You can't control how people will think about it, I suppose everyone is different. For some it may indeed be 'better' to remain a mystery, but others will prefer the closure of knowing that their loved one is dead - as much as it may hurt.

Personally, I don't have too many ties to other people and of those, most know that I'm unwell and have been for a very, very long time so at least, it won't come as a surprise. (And if I were to disappear I bet most of them would suspect it's on purpose anyway) The core message of my note will also be that I do not bear anyone ill will and that I hope that they can forgive me in time (yeah, yeah, cliche, I know. I'm no badass) but most importantly that I hope that they will find it in them to maybe, just maybe, try to understand that this was a choice for peace over torment. That's not supposed to 'let me off the hook' or anything but just an attempt to get them to understand that out of my limited options, I chose this one and made my peace with it.

Ah, sorry for the rant.
TL;DR: I'd prefer being found over mysterious disappearance.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

Since I will never understand why anybody would kill themselves if they have a loving family they care about, it is a completely alien realm of thinking. I am dying in the house precisely so that I will be discovered here. And hope that my body takes a giant crap when it's dead.

Nothing is black and white in this world. People kill themselves even if they're rich, famous and have all the family you could hope for. It's not about what you have on the outside, it's about what you lack on the inside.

Finding a suicide is very traumatic. Thing is, I don't really want my body to just disappear, either. I hope, should I ctb, that I have a plan. I know it's crazy, but there's a cemetery here where I'd like to be interred with my son. It's ancient (for the US), beautiful and peaceful.

This is actually a very good reason to be found.

I can certainly understand your reasoning. It is very difficult for those left behind to understand a suicide, and there are always the questions - what could I have done to change the outcome? It's tough when you have family. My family already has suicide on a number of branches on our family tree.

I'm very sorry to hear this. In my extended family we've had attempts but none have been successful. I really don't want to be the first. I'd rather just off myself in the great outdoors and have my body destroyed by predators and such.

 

[woxihuanni]

Nothing is black and white in this world. People kill themselves even if they're rich, famous and have all the family you could hope for. It's not about what you have on the outside, it's about what you lack on the inside.

I am aware of that. What I'm saying is that I cannot understand that state of mind.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

I mean, ideally, a death ruled an accident would definitely be preferable. But if I had to choose between being remembered for suicide and never being found at all, I'd choose the former. You can't control how people will think about it, I suppose everyone is different. For some it may indeed be 'better' to remain a mystery, but others will prefer the closure of knowing that their loved one is dead - as much as it may hurt.

Personally, I don't have too many ties to other people and of those, most know that I'm unwell and have been for a very, very long time so at least, it won't come as a surprise. (And if I were to disappear I bet most of them would suspect it's on purpose anyway) The core message of my note will also be that I do not bear anyone ill will and that I hope that they can forgive me in time (yeah, yeah, cliche, I know. I'm no badass) but most importantly that I hope that they will find it in them to maybe, just maybe, try to understand that this was a choice for peace over torment. That's not supposed to 'let me off the hook' or anything but just an attempt to get them to understand that out of my limited options, I chose this one and made my peace with it.

Ah, sorry for the rant.
TL;DR: I'd prefer being found over mysterious disappearance.

Thanks for this post. It makes me realize that perhaps it's possible for people to eventually accept one's decision to CTB. Maybe there's hope for this. The problem is that in almost every instance around me, if they're not blaming you, they're laughing at you. If they're not laughing at you, they simply don't care. And if they do care, it's because you're the perfect example to use as a warning to their kids.

It just seems like a no win situation. I'd rather be hated for leaving inexplicably. I'd even prefer the negative impact of a missing person over that of a suicide.

 

[Philosykos]

Thanks for this post. It makes me realize that perhaps it's possible for people to eventually accept one's decision to CTB. Maybe there's hope for this. The problem is that in almost every instance around me, if they're not blaming you, they're laughing at you. If they're not laughing at you, they simply don't care. And if they do care, it's because you're the perfect example to use as a warning to their kids.

It just seems like a no win situation. I'd rather be hated for leaving inexplicably. I'd even prefer the negative impact of a missing person over that of a suicide.

My dear, suicide in itself is a no win situation. I know that there will be people who disagree with me on this, we have many forum users who hold different views, but the way I see it, suicide is simply a possible solution to a number of problems. But one with an unmatched finality. Ideally, a 'solution' to a problem would lead to a situation that is objectively better than the previous one. Death is not better. In many cases it isn't worse either; we have many members here with debilitating and very painful illnesses that are incurable, both mental and physical. Until someone comes up with viable solutions that will cure these ailments, suicide in my opinion is a very valid solution though. No one should be forced to suffer if they have no wish to. And until we live in a world where there is not such immense stigma about openly discussing such debilitating illnesses along with suicide as a possible, valid solution, we are living in a no win world where all of us who choose to end it on our own terms will likely end up as a memory of pain or a cautionary tale.

Some people will understand though. I have one particular friend who has been nothing but supportive and while she's open about the fact that she will hurt and miss me terribly if I do decide to go through with it, she has also listened to me, truly listened, and found that it's very understandable why I consider suicide as a solution to my problems. It isn't an ideal solution. But for some of us, it's the only feasible one in the face of the way things are.

 

[brokenheart007]

Ideally I wouldn't want to be found, because I don't want to be remembered. I don't want a pointless plot in a graveyard that will be forgotten about in 10 years or less, I don't want my ashes sitting in my mom's apartment to remind her and only to be dumped when she passes because no one else would give enough of a fuck to want them. I want to disappear and just be left for the fishes or forest animals. The only reason I would want to be found is if I sign my body over for science so that there's nothing to bury/cremate.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

My dear, suicide in itself is a no win situation. I know that there will be people who disagree with me on this, we have many forum users who hold different views, but the way I see it, suicide is simply a possible solution to a number of problems. But one with an unmatched finality. Ideally, a 'solution' to a problem would lead to a situation that is objectively better than the previous one. Death is not better. In many cases it isn't worse either; we have many members here with debilitating and very painful illnesses that are incurable, both mental and physical. Until someone comes up with viable solutions that will cure these ailments, suicide in my opinion is a very valid solution though. No one should be forced to suffer if they have no wish to. And until we live in a world where there is not such immense stigma about openly discussing such debilitating illnesses along with suicide as a possible, valid solution, we are living in a no win world where all of us who choose to end it on our own terms will likely end up as a memory of pain or a cautionary tale.

Some people will understand though. I have one particular friend who has been nothing but supportive and while she's open about the fact that she will hurt and miss me terribly if I do decide to go through with it, she has also listened to me, truly listened, and found that it's very understandable why I consider suicide as a solution to my problems. It isn't an ideal solution. But for some of us, it's the only feasible one in the face of the way things are.

There are people who honestly deserve to have suicide as a solution. Especially those with the debilitating illnesses you referred to. This is one frustrating aspect of this world, not accepting that keeping some people alive is very unfair.

In a perfect society they would provide euthanasia clinics where you can peacefully end your life if you wish, no questions asked. As long as you're an adult, of course. I'm glad you found an understanding person to talk to. My wife knows about my social anxiety disorder and how it's ruined my life. However, she doesn't really get it. In my life there's literally noone outside of ss who gets it. You're lucky. Perhaps one day I'll meet someone irl who I can take walks with and talk openly about my fears and suicidal urges.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I don't care ngl. What happens after I die is anyone's problem but mine.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

Ideally I wouldn't want to be found, because I don't want to be remembered. I don't want a pointless plot in a graveyard that will be forgotten about in 10 years or less, I don't want my ashes sitting in my mom's apartment to remind her and only to be dumped when she passes because no one else would give enough of a fuck to want them. I want to disappear and just be left for the fishes or forest animals. The only reason I would want to be found is if I sign my body over for science so that there's nothing to bury/cremate.

I actually think that dying in the middle of of the huge forests in my country would be a fitting end. I love nature. Imagine if I could die surrounded by the sounds of rivers, birds and animals. After I'm gone, my body would feed the wildlife and add fertility to the soil. I'd be nurturing the very nature in which I feel most at peace.

 

[Philosykos]

There are people who honestly deserve to have suicide as a solution. Especially those with the debilitating illnesses you referred to. This is one frustrating aspect of this world, not accepting that keeping some people alive is very unfair.

In a perfect society they would provide euthanasia clinics where you can peacefully end your life if you wish, no questions asked. As long as you're an adult, of course. I'm glad you found an understanding person to talk to. My wife knows about my social anxiety disorder and how it's ruined my life. However, she doesn't really get it. In my life there's literally noone outside of ss who gets it. You're lucky. Perhaps one day I'll meet someone irl who I can take walks with and talk openly about my fears and suicidal urges.

I understand. To be clear, this friend is an online friend as well. Not one I met on this forum but elsewhere and to me, that is invaluable as well. An IRL friend would absolutely be nice, but know that these words you see appear on your screen are from actual people typing them. If you would like to have someone to talk to openly about these things, talk. Start a PM conversation with someone here if you so wish to. I'm sure there's a lot of people here willing to offer a listening ear. I am one of them. And while we wouldn't be able to touch you, hug you and look into your eyes, the sentiment is there, my darling.

 

[KUA]

I know that for me, I don't want to CTB at home because of the shock and trauma of my family finding my body. However, I would want my body to be found at some point because it would give them the finality that I had died. Tbh I don't really care what happens to my body/ at my funeral/ who remembers me or not because at that point I won't exist. The concept of not existing I really find fascinating tbh. Suicide is a solution if you are in pain, however, I still truly believe that if you can get out of your situation life can be beautiful, unfortunately I can't. Not existing is exactly that, not existing. You don't even know you've died

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

I know that for me, I don't want to CTB at home because of the shock and trauma of my family finding my body. However, I would want my body to be found at some point because it would give them the finality that I had died. Tbh I don't really care what happens to my body/ at my funeral/ who remembers me or not because at that point I won't exist. The concept of not existing I really find fascinating tbh. Suicide is a solution if you are in pain, however, I still truly believe that if you can get out of your situation life can be beautiful, unfortunately I can't. Not existing is exactly that, not existing. You don't even know you've died

You don't even know that you lived! Oh, the allure...

 

[autumnal]

Hi guys. Here's the reason for my thread, I'd like to hear your thoughts on the following:

Do you want your body to be found or not?

Hear me out. I've come across cases of ctb where the person does it close to home or even in the house. This has always horrified me because of the impact on unwitting loved ones. Even if you ctb a thousand miles from home, authorities will always find you and report the cause of death as suicide to loved ones.

I've always had a problem with this. My ideal ctb would be in a wilderness (plenty of those in my country) where chances of being found are slim to none. I don't want my body to be found. Here are the reasons:

1. I'd rather my family members think I disappeared mysteriously. It hurts to imagine my wife and kid living with the fact that I intentionally left them alone.

2. Call it false pride, but I'd rather not leave a legacy of suicide. I'd rather not have people thinking I killed myself.

What do you think? Would you want to be found? Would you want your cause of death to be identified as ctb?

With respect, I think you may have a rather distorted view of what is best for your family. Here is my opinion on the negatives of leaving others to think you have intentionally (or unintentionally) vanished rather than being confirmed as a suicide.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

I understand. To be clear, this friend is an online friend as well. Not one I met on this forum but elsewhere and to me, that is invaluable as well. An IRL friend would absolutely be nice, but know that these words you see appear on your screen are from actual people typing them. If you would like to have someone to talk to openly about these things, talk. Start a PM conversation with someone here if you so wish to. I'm sure there's a lot of people here willing to offer a listening ear. I am one of them. And while we wouldn't be able to touch you, hug you and look into your eyes, the sentiment is there, my darling.

This I like. Sorry for my assumption. People like you on this site have given me reasons to keep living. Imagine finding that on a site called sanctionedsuicide.

With respect, I think you may have a rather distorted view of what is best for your family. Here is my opinion on the negatives of leaving others to think you have intentionally (or unintentionally) vanished rather than being confirmed as a suicide.

"With vanishing, there is always the futile hope that you may return one day, or the fear that you were kidnapped or murdered, or any other number of scenarios. It's also more complex for them to get any legal or financial closure if your body is never found."

Valid reasons. Still, there's the issue of being recorded as a suicide. If only I could make it appear accidental. Like a fatal accident took him from us type of scenario.

 

[Intheo]

I want my body to be found. I actually want them to know it was a suicide, and that they did this to me. I also don't want them to think I ran off to avoid the law, although the idea of government goons searching for me in vain does give me some satisfaction.

 

[TAW122]

I am ambivalent either way, the only thing that is of utmost importance for me is to succeed when I choose to CTB. Otherwise, all my efforts, planning, and preparations would have been moot. They (first responders) are welcome to find my body long after I'm gone, but not before. I do, however, plan to make it such that my family would not be the first to find my body as that would be extremely devastating for them to bear.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I don't care if they find me or not. Everyone dies eventually anyways. Unless you jump into a volcano or something someone is going to eventually find you.

Even skeletal remains can be identified by various different methods. Most people carry their government IDs with them everywhere, hell even a store loyalty card can be traced to you sometimes.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

I want my body to be found. I actually want them to know it was a suicide, and that they did this to me. I also don't want them to think I ran off to avoid the law, although the idea of government goons searching for me in vain does give me some satisfaction.

Pardon my asking but what do you mean by "ran off to avoid the law"? Are you in trouble with the law?

I don't care if they find me or not. Everyone dies eventually anyways. Unless you jump into a volcano or something someone is going to eventually find you.

Even skeletal remains can be identified by various different methods. Most people carry their government IDs with them everywhere, hell even a store loyalty card can be traced to you sometimes.

Maybe in more developed countries like yours. I'm from somewhere in the tropical third world. Over here nobody bothers with the complex forensics even in low profile murders.

 

[Intheo]

Pardon my asking but what do you mean by "ran off to avoid the law"? Are you in trouble with the law?

Yes. I committed a non-violent offense which is innocuous, maybe even arguably beneficial to society. They turned a guy who is otherwise peaceful and law-abiding and wanting to contribute to the world, into a criminal. My lawyer will try to get the case dropped but there is no guarantee. I will ctb rather than get tried as a criminal and paraded around in cuffs.

 

[Despondent]

Hi guys. Here's the reason for my thread, I'd like to hear your thoughts on the following:

Do you want your body to be found or not?

Hear me out. I've come across cases of ctb where the person does it close to home or even in the house. This has always horrified me because of the impact on unwitting loved ones. Even if you ctb a thousand miles from home, authorities will always find you and report the cause of death as suicide to loved ones.

I've always had a problem with this. My ideal ctb would be in a wilderness (plenty of those in my country) where chances of being found are slim to none. I don't want my body to be found. Here are the reasons:

1. I'd rather my family members think I disappeared mysteriously. It hurts to imagine my wife and kid living with the fact that I intentionally left them alone.

2. Call it false pride, but I'd rather not leave a legacy of suicide. I'd rather not have people thinking I killed myself.

What do you think? Would you want to be found? Would you want your cause of death to be identified as ctb?

Both valid points. With point one, I think they'd feel like you've intentionally left them alone if your body wasn't found and you disappeared mysteriously. I guess I'm just considering that if you wanted to make it look like you disappeared, they would be wondering where you went for the longest time. What if your kids grow older (however old they are) and one day decide to look for you? I'm in no way trying to inflict guilt. If your body was found, of course it would hurt them deeply, but they would get their peace of mind.

That's the hard thing with ctb. I don't want to leave that legacy behind either and would also like to make it seem like I've disappeared. At the same time, I would like my body to be found so that I can be cremated and "fully" leave this world.