Discussion 'The axe forgets, but the tree remembers'.

[Forever Sleep]

I've just come across this proverb and, I really like it. Do you suppose it's true? Do you think those that abuse and cause harm find it easier to forget and move on as opposed to those they harmed?

 

[itsgone2]

Yes. This proverb hurts me. The truth of it does.
I've been both. Realizing the times I've been the axe, and regretting it, is killing me.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Yes , absolutely. Best I could offer is that maybe they are diatracted their own scars? Unless it's flat psychopathy.


The tree will live on, while the ax is already dead.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes. This proverb hurts me. The truth of it does.
I've been both. Realizing the times I've been the axe, and regretting it, is killing me.

I've been both too. And- like you, I don't forget and I certainly regret. So- maybe it isn't all true. I think both can hurt.

Yes , absolutely. Best I could offer is that maybe they are diatracted their own scars? Unless it's flat psychopathy.


The tree will live on, while the ax is already dead.

That's an interesting take. I suppose like the whole: 'People who hurt, hurt others.'

 

[shigure]

That quote means a lot to me. It's much easier to remember pain received rather than the pain we cause.

It's especially worse when we're the axe.. that we've hurt someone without knowing, and the other person has been clinging on to old wounds that will never fully heal, and can never forgive you for.

 

[rainatthebusstop]

As someone who feels guilty a lot of times were I start apologizing to people I haven't hurt, I wanna add to it.

Sometimes you're the axe, sometimes you're the tree and sometimes you're something truly unrelated. Sometimes the tree doesn't care.

 

[NoHorizon]

I hadn't heard this before, but it's very powerful. Thanks for sharing it.

I do agree with it; I'm still severely affected by an abusive relationship from years ago when I know she'll barely think or feel anything about it.

I wonder if there's anyone out there hurt by things I've done or said that I've forgotten. Probably, and that's quite sad.

 

[Tiny Little Tree]

I think I can remember both sides pretty well

 

[Pluto]

 

[Hystearical]

Absolutely it is true. Those who cause harm have the privilege of forgetting and not caring while those who suffer it don't. It's one of the most difficult aspects of suffering from trauma stemming from the actions of another conscious human being as opposed to nature or just sheer chance, especially if there wasn't any sort of justice enacted.

 

[Crescendo]

Have you seen the show Andor? That's where I first heard this quote. The show in its entirety is in fact somewhat of a social commentary on the idea.

Side note - if you haven't seen Andor and you appreciate good writing, I highly recommend watching it. I'd say it's up there with True Detective and The Wire.

 

[kyuuketsuki]

every time i talk to my mom i am reminded of this saying. she's always been like this, attempting to gaslight me and saying "that didn't happen" or "i never said that to you." and when i insist that it did, that i remember it very clearly because of how deeply it hurt me, she says stuff like, "i'm sure you just misconstrued what i said, like you always do."
she outright denied that i was neglected or abused at all. (i was, not just by her, but by other people she let into my life and allowed to abuse me and in many cases didn't care or would blame me for it.) she cannot own up to the fact she wasn't a good parent, unless she's doing so in a self-pitying manner and seeking reassurance from me that she wasn't bad.
i do love her, whether i want to or not, as she is my mom after all, but i've had to stop talking to her and my brother recently for my own mental health.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Have you seen the show Andor? That's where I first heard this quote. The show in its entirety is in fact somewhat of a social commentary on the idea.

Side note - if you haven't seen Andor and you appreciate good writing, I highly recommend watching it. I'd say it's up there with True Detective and The Wire.

I haven't but, I'll look out for it. Thank you for the suggestion.

every time i talk to my mom i am reminded of this saying. she's always been like this, attempting to gaslight me and saying "that didn't happen" or "i never said that to you." and when i insist that it did, that i remember it very clearly because of how deeply it hurt me, she says stuff like, "i'm sure you just misconstrued what i said, like you always do."
she outright denied that i was neglected or abused at all. (i was, not just by her, but by other people she let into my life and allowed to abuse me and in many cases didn't care or would blame me for it.) she cannot own up to the fact she wasn't a good parent, unless she's doing so in a self-pitying manner and seeking reassurance from me that she wasn't bad.
i do love her, whether i want to or not, as she is my mom after all, but i've had to stop talking to her and my brother recently for my own mental health.

I'm so sorry you had this experience. It's so complicated when we still love people but we also recognise that they've done or are are doing harm to us. I hope you can take some time to yourself to heal.

I also relate that sometimes it isn't direct harm from someone but, they may knowingly expose us to harm. I think that's just as bad when it's a parent who does that. A child has less choice and less defence.