Deleted member 18655
Enlightened
- Jun 4, 2020
- 1,422
I'm officially Depressed. capital D Depressed. I was put on a low dose of antidepressants late last week and have been groggy and depressed ever since. For the first time in about 13 years. It's official - the ECT and all of my accomplishments in life are over. COVID killed it all. And, since the world is changed so drastically, there's no way for it go back.
As I left the pharmacy with the pills I felt defeated. I failed; my brain failed me. Before going on them I was making a logical decision to ctb; now I feel like the decisions I need to make before I do ctb are muddied with emotion. I've never liked emotions and have always thought they were more of nuissances than anything useful.
I suppose I can be grateful for the Depression as it will lead me in the right direction - toward the bus stop. It's just a lot to let sink in.
As I left the pharmacy with the pills I felt defeated. I failed; my brain failed me. Before going on them I was making a logical decision to ctb; now I feel like the decisions I need to make before I do ctb are muddied with emotion. I've never liked emotions and have always thought they were more of nuissances than anything useful.
I suppose I can be grateful for the Depression as it will lead me in the right direction - toward the bus stop. It's just a lot to let sink in.