Help The ambulance is here

[pilotmetal00]

When can I CTB again without them stopping me?

i am so upset and disappointed.I wish I had died
how can they do this to me it is so cruel and inhumane. i pray that i bleed out

 

[Willdieby30]

what happened?

 

[less than]

Your attempt failed? What happened?

 

[pilotmetal00]

what happened?

i cut myself deeply and overdosed. I hope i die.. how can they do this to me. I hope i bleed to death

Your attempt failed? What happened?

someone had called them expressing worry about me. They forced open the bathroom door as i was cutting myself. I feel like an absolute failure.


edit: When can i CTB

Again apologies i don know how formatting works in this forum and i am veryupset at this moment

 

[jgm63]

It's going to be okay.
Do whatever it takes to get through the next few days or few weeks, and then you can re-group and think about what you want to do next...

We're here to support you, and will help you in whichever way you need....

 

[Jean4]

I am sorry if I am misunderstanding. You cut yourself and overdosed, the ambulance is there and you are on the computer writing?

 

[pilotmetal00]

I am sorry if I am misunderstanding. You cut yourself and overdosed, the ambulance is there and you are on the computer writing?

No i am on the phone. I am sitting in the ambulance on my way to the hospital with them and acting as if i am texting my friends and telling them i am ok

It's going to be okay.
Do whatever it takes to get through the next few days or few weeks, and then you can re-group and think about what you want to do next...

We're here to support you, and will help you in whichever way you need....

thank you. This is so cruel of them i hope i die. I am so very upset right now. I will bang my head against the wall, starve myself. How useless am i ? I cant even kill myself

 

[Jean4]

No i am on the phone. I am sitting in the ambulance on my way to the hospital with them and acting as if i am texting my friends and telling them i am ok

I apologize. If this was a suicide attempt, it will be up to the doctor's to determine if you are still a harm to yourself. Different countries have different policies regarding that.

 

[pilotmetal00]

I apologize. If this was a suicide attempt, it will be up to the doctor's to determine if you are still a harm to yourself. Different countries have different policies regarding that.

How can i act as if i am not a harm to myself
how can i CTB in a hospital?

 

[Jean4]

How can i act as if i am not a harm to myself
how can i CTB in a hospital?

Well, it will be rather difficult I should think to say you would not harm yourself if you are on the way to the hospital because you just cut yourself and overdosed.

 

[jgm63]

No i am on the phone. I am sitting in the ambulance on my way to the hospital with them and acting as if i am texting my friends and telling them i am ok

thank you. This is so cruel of them i hope i die. I am so very upset right now. I will bang my head against the wall, starve myself. How useless am i ? I cant even kill myself

It's okay.
Successful CTB requires careful planning, and is not easy.....

Just get through the next few days or weeks, then create a good plan of what to do next.....

 

[TAW122]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. As for the time being (if you are reading this or seen this), the best thing would be just to comply with what they (the medical professionals) want to have you do and go along as best as you can and work on getting out of there ASAP. It would be hard to attempt to CTB in an tightly controlled environment. In regards to re-attempting, I can't say when or where, but I suppose it would be whenever you are alone again and have the proper methods for it. I would recommend looking into something more reliable than cutting and OD'ing if you want to succeed in CTB'ing.

 

[Soul]

thank you. This is so cruel of them i hope i die. I am so very upset right now. I will bang my head against the wall, starve myself. How useless am i ? I cant even kill myself

@pilotmetal00, of course you're deeply distressed but you're not useless! Killing oneself isn't easy. Most of us here have had more than one "practice run". (((Hug))) Please don't try to off yourself in the hospital - it'll only make things worse. Concentrate on cooperating with the staff and telling the doctors it was an accident or an impulsive act that you have zero intention of repeating. And be gentle with yourself. Get your wounds bandaged and then get plenty of rest and hydration and healthy food, and you can think later about what to do next. Ok? (((More hugs)))

 

[Ark]

This is not the time to try to finish your CTB. I know it is very hard but you have to try to relax. Listen to what the medical professionals tell you. This is extremely important to get out of the hospital as soon as you can. Then come here, talk to people, research your possibilities, ask questions. Then make your decisions. Please trust us on these things, making rash and hurried decisions will continue to lead you through suffering results. Many here are always willing to talk and help, including myself. PM if you want, I always try to respond to everyone and help and support any way I can. So do many others here.

 

[pilotmetal00]

@pilotmetal00, of course you're deeply distressed but you're not useless! Killing oneself isn't easy. Most of us here have had more than one "practice run". (((Hug))) Please don't try to off yourself in the hospital - it'll only make things worse. Concentrate on cooperating with the staff and telling the doctors it was an accident or an impulsive act that you have zero intention of repeating. And be gentle with yourself. Get your wounds bandaged and then get plenty of rest and hydration and healthy food, and you can think later about what to do next. Ok? (((More hugs)))

Ok. Thank you all for kind words, I am more calm now. I have just got my phone back. Good news there may be hope that the doctor wont have me stay the night. I just have to convince them, i am still in the waiting room. I hope next time my attempt will be successfull.

This is not the time to try to finish your CTB. I know it is very hard but you have to try to relax. Listen to what the medical professionals tell you. This is extremely important to get out of the hospital as soon as you can. Then come here, talk to people, research your possibilities, ask questions. Then make your decisions. Please trust us on these things, making rash and hurried decisions will continue to lead you through suffering results. Many here are always willing to talk and help, including myself. PM if you want, I always try to respond to everyone and help and support any way I can. So do many others here.

Thank you: I am sorry, i am young and dumb and had a rush of thoughts and proceeded to try to commit suicide. Pro lifers can be so rude and horrible. I am still upset and spent a lot of time hysterically crying but now I feel as if I can conduct myself better.
This is my first attempt after turning 18. I am still young so they have lots of sympathy for me and are acting as if I am a child not capable of making their own desicion. I feel so hopeless and useless. I cant even end myself? How will I CTB?

 

[Jean Améry]

How can i act as if i am not a harm to myself
how can i CTB in a hospital?

You can't CTB in a hospital.

As to your other question: act remorseful. It was a mistake, you feel guilty/ashamed about it, you realize you have a serious problem/problems, you absolutely NEED counseling... That sort of thing. Tell them what they want to hear.

Don't try to CTB at the hospital as this will only prolong your stay there.

 

[pilotmetal00]

You can't CTB in a hospital.

As to your other question: act remorseful. It was a mistake, you feel guilty/ashamed about it, you realize you have a serious problem/problems, you absolutely NEED counseling... That sort of thing. Tell them what they want to hear.

Don't try to CTB at the hospital as this will only prolong your stay there.

How to explain the reason for this? Still waiting for the doctor. They called in my family :/ I feel so dissected and stared at like a circus animal.

 

[Jean Améry]

How to explain the reason for this? Still waiting for the doctor. They called in my family :/ I feel so dissected and stared at like a circus animal.

You had a nervous breakdown but you didn't really want to die. The main thing is to convince that doctor you're no longer an immidiate threat to yourself. Good luck.

 

[pilotmetal00]

You had a nervous breakdown but you didn't really want to die. The main thing is to convince that doctor you're no longer an immidiate threat to yourself. Good luck.

Thank you. I will say that.
I will try a better method next time. This was not carefully planned. I wanted to die slowly because I deserve the pain but unfortunately people had noticed my distant behaviour and called the police. Pro-lifers are horrible, but then again, they just can't understand so I don't blame them.

I hope I can message some here and discuss about methods. For now I am still mad at myself and wish to harm myself but I will keep holding on and act as if I am crying because I am regretful.
I really thought this would be my day. I really hoped this would be my day. But still I am here.

 

[Jean Améry]

Thank you. I will say that.
I will try a better method next time. This was not carefully planned. I wanted to die slowly because I deserve the pain but unfortunately people had noticed my distant behaviour and called the police. Pro-lifers are horrible, but then again, they just can't understand so I don't blame them.

I hope I can message some here and discuss about methods. For now I am still mad at myself and wish to harm myself but I will keep holding on and act as if I am crying because I am regretful.
I really thought this would be my day. I really hoped this would be my day. But still I am here.

That's up to you. I didn't advise you because I want you to die (I don't), I did it because I don't think anyone deserves to be locked up for that reason.

Whatever you decide to do you should think it through.

 

[pilotmetal00]

That's up to you. I didn't advise you because I want you to die (I don't), I did it because I don't think anyone deserves to be locked up for that reason.

Whatever you decide to do you should think it through.

Yes it is incredibly cruel of them to keep me locked in for this reason. It is only making it worse and making me realize how big of a failure I am.
The doctors are now evaluating how long I will need to stay & if I will even need to stay

 

[Farmmaa]

I am sorry about the situation you're in.

One little suggestion would be to not have this page open on your phone for family and police to see.
Not only does that put the board in danger, but it's going to be impossible for you to convince them of anything if they read your posts here

 

[Nem]

Sorry to hear, there is nothing I hate more than paramedics besides drs, I understand your frustration. Hope things can improve somewhat
peace/hugs

 

[pilotmetal00]

Hello.
An update:
I am being forced to stay here for the night because my family said that it would be the best for me. It is incredibly upsetting but I just have to do what I have to do. Good news is that they think I am cooperating with them - bad news is that everyone is guilting me for the way I feel and how I want to CTB and that I will be heavily supervised.

My phone will not be taken away although all my belongings such as charger, shoes or headphones or other things that I can use to harm myself have been taken away so I wont be able to charge my phone.

I cannot wait for the moment where I can succesfully CTB if anything this situation has only made me more suicidal and make me want a succesfull attempt for next time. This is my mistake. I need to plan more carefully. Thanks for all help and advice. Please keep sending my messages , this is the only place I feel that people understand me.

Edit: i have hopes that they will release me tomorrow. I just took some medication and will probably Fall asleep soon. I will keep updating if possible.

 

[BlueWidow]

I am so sorry for what you're going through. Many of us on the site have gone through similar things, so we do understand.

I feel so dissected and stared at like a circus animal.

I can completely relate to this statement. I once had to sit in a hospital waiting room in handcuffs while people stared at me like a criminal, and I hadn't even done anything. I had gone into a nurse to get my thyroid fixed and she way overreacted and wanted to show a trainee how powerful she was, so she forced me to the hospital against my will and falsely accuse my husband of abusing me with no proof whatsoever. Just try to stay as calm as you can and follow all the instructions of the doctors and nurses.
Follow the advice that others on this forum have given you and, hopefully, they will decide that you are no longer a danger to yourself and you can be released soon. In the meantime, just do the best you can to keep yourself as emotionally together as possible.

My heart is breaking for you right now because I've been in your place. I'm sending you a big hug and all my love and support.

 

[Soul]

Hello.
An update:
I am being forced to stay here for the night because my family said that it would be the best for me. It is incredibly upsetting but I just have to do what I have to do. Good news is that they think I am cooperating with them - bad news is that everyone is guilting me for the way I feel and how I want to CTB and that I will be heavily supervised.

My phone will not be taken away although all my belongings such as charger, shoes or headphones or other things that I can use to harm myself have been taken away so I wont be able to charge my phone.

I cannot wait for the moment where I can succesfully CTB if anything this situation has only made me more suicidal and make me want a succesfull attempt for next time. This is my mistake. I need to plan more carefully. Thanks for all help and advice. Please keep sending my messages , this is the only place I feel that people understand me.

Edit: i have hopes that they will release me tomorrow. I just took some medication and will probably Fall asleep soon. I will keep updating if possible.

Thank you for the update. Sleep well x

 

[TowerUpright]

Rest, and say what you need to say in order to get out. In time, if you keep a routine, people observing you will tune out and you might have a your chance.

I'll be thinking of you. Hang in there.

 

[Chonky_Seal]

I hope they release you soon, sleep well. I'm sure you're next attempt will work out better; you have experience now.

Stay strong!

 

[TAW122]

That is good to hear and I hope you are able to be released ASAP. As for the future, yes, planning more carefully and accounting for even unlikely variables is key. One additional word of advice I'd like to give is that there is never too much preparation for something like CTB as it's one of the ultimate (if not ultimate) actions one can take in life. Since you have such an important decision, it is always imperative to have as close to zero room for error as possible.

 

[reapandsow918]

Don't let them take advantage of you. It's ultimately your choice if you want to end it. Sorry about your failed attempt.