The Aesthetics of Recovery

[Moonomyth]

When I post here, I complain a lot about the platitudes people use when trying to help people in recovery, whether they're pro-life or not. I don't need to give concrete examples here beyond the basic "It gets better!" and so on. You've probably all heard it in some form or another.

After a lot of recent thought I have to go a bit further in my complaints about this, because I've realized that the whole general aesthetic of recovery as it's presented in modern pop-psych and self-help keeps putting me off of recovery itself and necessary work I need to do in order to get well.

Bland-but-positive phrases of affirmation, soft and non-threatening colors, quiet music, focuses on "wellness" that encroach on holistic, homeopathic, and often pseudoscientific practices; all of them feel so damn twee that I can't take them in good faith even when they're meant to be in good faith. Worse, that aesthetic is so omnipresent that they make me leery, as if recovery would make me the kind of person who sees that aesthetic as good and useful.

I want to be well, but if being well means becoming that kind of person, then it's a serious enough tradeoff to make me pause. Not only because I don't want to adopt that kind of aesthetic in my life, but because it means I run the risk of becoming the person spouting the platitudes I hate to someone else.

Anybody else here feel this way? Has anybody found recovery resources which don't rely on these kinds of aesthetic approaches?

 

[sacredportals]

ive felt similar, and all i did was isolate myself from it. you can recover without becoming someone who spouts toxic positive affirmations at everyone. the truth is life is awful and cruel but one thing i tell myself is that the bad feelings will pass, just like the positive ones, and sometimes bad feelings or whatever you're going through is meant to teach you a lesson. everything is subjective obviously, the meaning of life, even saying "bad feelings are meaningful", i just became indifferent. sometimes you're meant to be uncomfortable to change something in your life that needs changing.
one thing that helped me was reading philosophy about non attachment (and lots of philosophy in general). recognizing the awkwardness and uncomfortable feelings life brings me, not even just uncomfortable but downright awful feelings and awful situations. i don't know. one day it just clicked. pain is a necessity to life, unfortunately. the desire to die is similar if not the same, desire to live
reject the toxic positivity, harness the negativity, and let it fuel you to become a "better" person for you

 

[Celerity]

When I post here, I complain a lot about the platitudes people use when trying to help people in recovery, whether they're pro-life or not. I don't need to give concrete examples here beyond the basic "It gets better!" and so on. You've probably all heard it in some form or another.

After a lot of recent thought I have to go a bit further in my complaints about this, because I've realized that the whole general aesthetic of recovery as it's presented in modern pop-psych and self-help keeps putting me off of recovery itself and necessary work I need to do in order to get well.

Bland-but-positive phrases of affirmation, soft and non-threatening colors, quiet music, focuses on "wellness" that encroach on holistic, homeopathic, and often pseudoscientific practices; all of them feel so damn twee that I can't take them in good faith even when they're meant to be in good faith. Worse, that aesthetic is so omnipresent that they make me leery, as if recovery would make me the kind of person who sees that aesthetic as good and useful.

I want to be well, but if being well means becoming that kind of person, then it's a serious enough tradeoff to make me pause. Not only because I don't want to adopt that kind of aesthetic in my life, but because it means I run the risk of becoming the person spouting the platitudes I hate to someone else.

Anybody else here feel this way? Has anybody found recovery resources which don't rely on these kinds of aesthetic approaches?

I feel like I am recovering and haven't ever resonated with any of the approaches you describe. Affirmations are something I see touted regularly by mainstream therapists, and I just find them endlessly frustrating. I didn't see any hope of progress there, so I let it go.

My rumination spirals and general malaise don't respond very well to such internal monologue approaches. I end up arguing with myself, and it ends up feeding the fire instead of putting it out. I don't regularly meditate, but I have practiced it enough that I can call upon it when I am very anxious or angry. This gives me the space to calm down, think about my feelings, and decide more rationally how I want to respond (if at all). This is by no-means perfect, and I would still describe myself as an anxious person, but it's the difference between a bad day ending after my head hits the pillow and it turning into a catastrophe setting me back weeks (or even months).

Besides finding someone to confide in who has gone through the same things, I would say taking care of my sleep and learning basic meditative techniques has helped me not fall back into my worst habits.

 

[exiled]

"Aesthetics of recovery" is such an honest way to describe this. I completely agree with you; those who have made it to the other side often either forget what it was like to be in the trenches, or thrive on their story being miraculous and imply that everyone should subscribe to their positive ideology. When it comes to encouraging people to choose recovery, I feel that it is more effective to be as not aesthetic as possible. Recovering is messy. It is dirty. It requires the supportive person to be down in the pits with the suicidal person. So many people claim to want to put an end to suicide, but a large percentage of those very people are not willing to get a little mud on them. Anyone can perfectly gift wrap a sentiment such as "it will get better!" but it takes a rare person to be okay with truly walking through the woods with another.

I understand that boundaries are important for self preservation and if you have been in the trenches yourself before, it can be scary to re-enter that territory for someone else. Drowning people often times can latch on and drag you down with them. It's a risk. But, for all that there are pro-life people so adamantly against suicide, there needs to be more people who are okay with those risks. Can't shame someone for not being willing, but on the same token, can't blame somebody for wanting out. It's a cruel world out there.