Discussion The act of suicide

[fkyou]

Not only we are doing something against our desire. Which is ending our life.but we are doing it in a stressful panicked place.i think I can come to terms with dying ( I did but those last moments are a different story)if I peacefully prepare myself to it.not while panicking if I'm gonna get caught or not.its just very hard for me to perform the act of ctb unless it's peaceful for me before that.otherwise I just see it as an ugly violent act.i guess that's the reason I can't do it unless I'm in a certain therapeutic state of mind.because i sober up while preparing the method worrying if I'm gonna get caught or not.it sucks.i guess that's what it is .you just have to go threw it no matter how awful you feel about it.some of us don't have the privilege to die with dignity to their last moments.maybe I created a fantasy for myself.but that's because I wanted to make it possible.dying in some dark foreign place isn't how I see death.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't feel like ctb is against my desire. I feel beaten down by life and I'm tired. Careful planning has actually brought me to a place of serenity and peace. I'm just tidying up loose ends, and when the time comes, I believe I'll be at ease with my decision. I already am, actually. In no way will I be ctb in a stressful, panicked state. I'd suggest that if you're in that kind of "place" in your mind, then maybe you're not really ready.

 

[JesiBel]

It's certainly unfortunate that we have to end our lives in a traumatic way that will also affect others. And all the guilt we will carry inside us. Instead of it being a fundamental choice or right of individuals, like it should be a legal, peaceful, and dignified process.

To continue living or to die, no one should interfere or question anything. Everyone experiences their own sorrows in their own flesh, no one else.

I think it's a natural feeling to want to be free of pain or anxiety in those moments. And even more so when we're alone and isolated so that no one can find us or interrupt us before ctb. As if we were criminals plotting a perfect plan.

I wish everyone could understand that taking away the freedom to decide about one's own life safely and without suffering will not prevent people from continuing to commit suicide.

 

[AreWeWinning]

I agree with JesiBel that since it's not an accepted choice to off ourselves, it just makes it harder for everyone. And it takes away some of our dignity.

My solution is to accept it for what it is. What I have come to realise is that I'll be alone in death, and there is absolutely no way to change that. I can't share it with anyone. I have to make all the decisions myself, and I will feel completely alone during the process. That's the way it is.

I won't find peace either. It will be a shock to my family. They won't see it coming and this is wrong. I'll be hanged (by myself) like a f##king animal, in the woods, at night, in secret.

Thinking about these just made obsess about the methods, the location, how to prepare for it, and everything. I wanted to do it at a nice place, in a nice way. I wanted to make it easy for the people I leave behind. Etc. But I can't. So, I have to accept it.

Then, I realised, that at the end of the day, non of it matters. When I'll be gone, it's not my concern anymore. And there is no way around it, anyway. I'll do what I can, but I'll draw the line and decide what to worry about, and what not to. I'll write a short goodbye note. I'll arrange my belongings, so it's easy to deal with. I'll write a will. I'll clean my apartment. Things like that... And I'll choose a method that is suitable for me. Then, I just have to do it. If I want to make it look nice, or be nice, or keep worrying about things that I can't change, then I'll never do it. So, there is no other way. It'll be horrible, yes. But it's normal. It's not supposed to be easy. Nothing is easy.

 

[fkyou]

I agree with JesiBel that since it's not an accepted choice to off ourselves, it just makes it harder for everyone. And it takes away some of our dignity.

I won't find peace either. It will be a shock to my family. They won't see it coming and this is wrong. I'll be hanged (by myself) like a f##king animal, in the woods, at night, in secret.

Yeah that's what makes it awful. Thinking that you're committing some heinous act. Some grand failure.now.i don't know why I thought suicide is peaceful.my brain created all these appealing narratives about it.
and Yeah accepting it for what it is is all I have.