Venting The absolute fuck

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

So late last year I started developing GI issues. I would feel very nauseous, and I'd have horrible stomach cramps. I'd get awful acid reflux, to the point I'd lose my voice, and feel very uncomfortable in general. I'd always been something of a stomach-ache person but this was on a whole new level. One morning in October, I woke up feeling incredibly sick. Not just kind of queasy, I'm talking that vertigo-style, gagging, end-of-the-world type nausea. I hadn't eaten anything crazy so I really couldn't pin down what was wrong.

Long story short, I got an endoscopy scheduled for January. Afterwards, they told me my system was basically a mess. I had ulcers and an inflamed GI tract (from throat to small intestine). I was forced to give up most of my vices - cigarettes, alcohol, caffeine, soda, basically everything that makes life worth living. Thinking I was doing all the right things, I've kept that up, and although some of my symptoms have eased up, I've had some pretty bad symptom-relapses. This morning was the worst yet. I've had dreadful nausea and a painful stomach all day, to where it's made me non-functional.

Considering I'm on meds for my condition and have changed my lifestyle so drastically, this is incredibly demotivating. It doesn't look like there's any reliable way to eliminate this completely or ensure it doesn't happen again, either. So I'm just kind of guessing what foods to eat and drinking lots of water, crossing my fingers I don't feel ill again. But this is no way to live, because I'm forever anxious about what I'm eating, and worried about going to sleep since it always hits in the morning.

Just a random vent, but it's ctb fuel for sure. And I was so certain I wasn't even going to consider it anymore. But if this keeps getting happening or God forbid gets worse, it's over for me. I can't deal with it.

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

Totally fucking get this. I regurgitate like a Liter and a half a day, no exaggeration. Maybe more... That's with having gallbladder removed. I'm only 33. I've canceled my endoscopy 2x due to my fucked up anxiety bullshit issues, so I have to redo the entire process. Meds are a joke, and you can can barely eat anything, but you still don't even lose weight; or at least I don't for various reasons. Otherwise it's a bad way to lose weight, nutrition, tooth enamel, internal tissue damage/scarring etc.
My only vice is diet pop/soda. It's no way to live and they tell you "lifestyle"... Well when you can't even keep down light greek yogurt you know you're limited. To me that's just ignorance, and hustling-you-out-of-the-door tactics. I would use SN if I had it, but the vomiting could cause it to be so ineffective and leave me in a worse state. It's so f***ed...

What meds are you on? I seriously think anxiety is a factor but no one takes that seriously.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Totally fucking get this. I regurgitate like a Liter and a half a day, no exaggeration. Maybe more... That's with having gallbladder removed. I'm only 33. I've canceled my endoscopy 2x due to my fucked up anxiety bullshit issues, so I have to redo the entire process. Meds are a joke and you can can barely eat anything, but you still don't even lose weight. Ny only vice is diet pop/soda. It's no way to live and they tell you lifestyle. That's ignorance, and hustling-you-out-of-the-door tactics. I would use SN if I had it, but the vomiting could cause it to be ineffective and leave me in a worse state. It's so f***ed...

What meds are you on? I seriously think anxiety is a factor but no one takes that seriously.

I agree, I also think anxiety is a major contributor. I noticed that stressors are a trigger of sorts.

They gave me carafate and pantoprazole. So a PPI before meals, and another med for coating/protecting the damaged stomach lining to hopefully encourage healing and shield it from excessive acid. But the whole process is messed up, like you said. It's just a guessing game as far as how to live your life and there's no real pattern to anything, making it pretty much out of your control.

That reluctance to take SN is also a huge thing for me. I can't even contemplate taking something so gross, knowing full well how it makes you nauseous and very likely to throw up.

Really sorry you're dealing with this stuff too, it's a nightmare.

 

[qw3rty259]

Sounds familiar. You are doing some shit until you get a problem you didn't even know could happen since everyone else doing the same or even worse... And then your mind goes crazy looking for some potential dagers and things that could cause you harm

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

I agree, I also think anxiety is a major contributor. I noticed that stressors are a trigger of sorts.

They gave me carafate and pantoprazole. So a PPI before meals, and another med for coating/protecting the damaged stomach lining to hopefully encourage healing and shield it from excessive acid. But the whole process is messed up, like you said. It's just a guessing game as far as how to live your life and there's no real pattern to anything, making it pretty much out of your control.

That reluctance to take SN is also a huge thing for me. I can't even contemplate taking something so gross, knowing full well how it makes you nauseous and very likely to throw up.

Really sorry you're dealing with this stuff too, it's a nightmare.

Never tried carafate. But tums and pepto don't help etc, plus I spit them back up. Tried panto for years. Nothing. Tried omeprazole. Nothing. I imagine the same with you? We need a magnetic sphincter to close off our esophagus to our stomach or our esophagus' opened somehow. My mom told me the dwarf husband on that TLC show (if you're in the US) looked like he had a surgery and had similar symptoms as I did so I need to look that up on youtube. You might too or I'll tag you when I get around to looking it up. Sorry that you deal with it too because no one gets it unless they live it, especially dr's. I mean I know it's minor, but it's one of those things that really inhibits everything you do, and eat; and you can't avoid eating altogether.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Never tried carafate. But tums and pepto don't help etc, plus I spit them back up. Tried panto for years. Nothing. Tried omeprazole. Nothing. I imagine the same with you? We need a magnetic sphincter to close off our esophagus to our stomach or our esophagus' opened somehow. My mom told me the dwarf husband on that TLC show (if you're in the US) looked like he had a surgery and had similar symptoms as I did so I need to look that up on youtube. You might too or I'll tag you when I get around to looking it up. Sorry that you deal with it too because no one gets it unless they live it, especially dr's. I mean I know it's minor, but it's one of those things that really inhibits everything you do, and eat; and you can't avoid eating altogether.

I'm thinking you're referring to Barrett's esophagus or hiatal hernia? In my case they ruled those out, but I heard a Nissen fundoplication is the gold standard for this stuff. I hope something like that is on the table for you.

Taking meds is a fairly new thing for me, I've only been on them since January. But it's not looking promising. I checked the subreddits on some of these health issues and it appears that many people are dealing with it on a chronic/recurring basis, forever on a merry-go-round of meds and trial and error as far as food. It sounds like you've been on that road yourself, and I'm sorry to hear that's the case. It just makes everything in life so much harder.

I'm exhausted. I'm having to sleep more or less upright, like in an armchair position. But I'm not used to it, so I'm not getting all that many hours, and my neck hurts from it. I'm having bad dreams, too. They revolve around being lost or trapped, like being in prison or being stuck in some surreal, otherworldly labyrinth, for example. I'm pretty sure those are metaphors for feeling stuck with my life and body.

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

I'm thinking you're referring to Barrett's esophagus or hiatal hernia? In my case they ruled those out, but I heard a Nissen fundoplication is the gold standard for this stuff. I hope something like that is on the table for you.

Taking meds is a fairly new thing for me, I've only been on them since January. But it's not looking promising. I checked the subreddits on some of these health issues and it appears that many people are dealing with it on a chronic/recurring basis, forever on a merry-go-round of meds and trial and error as far as food. It sounds like you've been on that road yourself, and I'm sorry to hear that's the case. It just makes everything in life so much harder.

I'm exhausted. I'm having to sleep more or less upright, like in an armchair position. But I'm not used to it, so I'm not getting all that many hours, and my neck hurts from it. I'm having bad dreams, too. They revolve around being lost or trapped, like being in prison or being stuck in some surreal, otherworldly labyrinth, for example. I'm pretty sure those are metaphors for feeling stuck with my life and body.

Yeah those are options, but I didn't follow through with my endo :/ so Idk for sure. Honestly it all just got worse after my cat went missing and I was under extreme stress from that and it's just cycled from there. My mom had a bad ulcer and they put her on omeprazole from there after it was "treated." I don't know maybe you have polyps. You have bp or heart rate issues? There's that vomiting cycling syndrome that's gaining some friction in the medical world when they can't figure things out. I don't have the nausea so much. First thing my GP said is she doesn't mind going the max on the pump inhibitors so you might take more and see if they help, then I'm sure they could up the dose. Ha! I've been a stomach sleeper for 25+yrs and so it's been awful sleeping like a pregnant woman. I have other reasons nonmedical. Don't know why food never occured to me that it could affect my dreams. I have horrible dreams too. Problems, trouble, hiding, being chased, etc. Never occured to me food could be a factor, and I sleep better if I've eaten too :/ We sound like a hot mess. I will say that the worse my life because, the worse my symptoms became, not that they're psychosomatic or anything. Now I know why my mom used to get so frustrated when she would come in with symptoms and they were like, "Stress! Stress! Stress!"

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Well, I just keep getting sick, unfortunately. It's weird to think that I joined SS with a certain subset of problems and now have very different ones that are making me legitimately question how long I can hang in there. To be fair, that was 6 years ago, and I've always felt the pull of death in my own quiet way. But lately things are becoming a bit unmanageable for me and I don't have good support at the moment.

I want to apologize to the people I was writing with on here, for not keeping up with DMs and the like. My stomach lining is torn to shreds, which in turn is hampering my absorption of B vitamins. With the net result that my energy levels are in the toilet and writing anything substantial is a herculean task right now.

This is becoming a difficult thing to handle. I'm alone 95% of the day and unless I bug someone to talk to me, I'm basically on my own with everything. I'm having intense waves of nausea and dizziness that are impacting my ability to function. I keep wanting to just check myself into hospital and have them sort me out for once and for all, but I know that's not likely to happen. They'll probably just offer me an x ray or ct scan and send me on my way again. I have follow up doctor's appointments on the 22nd and 23rd but currently it's hard to make it through any length of time at all.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I developed Gerd when I was about 38 years. Terrible. I'd be sleeping soundly and, while sleeping, I could feel my stomach's contents rising up my esophagus. Once it made it to my mouth, it would awaken me and force me to sit up abruptly, and then I'd begin hacking, choking, and coughing fiercly. Then I'd feel the contents start to slide back down.

I had an endoscopy and a bunch of other tests. Was prescribed omeprazole, which I took for the next 8 years. I cut out a bunch of foods, especially fried and certain spicy foods. I never had to cut out coffee or tea. I raised the head of my bed to provide just a little downward angle, maybe 5 or 10 degrees, in order to help keep my stomach's contents in the stomach when I slept. I started eating probiotic yogurts nightly before going to bed. I changed my diet to only "natural" type foods, nothing processed. I eat a large salad every day for supper with about 8 different raw vegetables and fruits. If I eat meat, it is only chicken and then it is only baked, boiled, and on rare occasion, grilled. No more fatty meats. Rarely, I will eat some beef, but it needs to be lean. Also, the only salad dressing I use is oil and vinegar - sunflower oil and red wine vinegar. Red wine vinegar is good for your gut health. In the Winter when I need "hot" food, I eat potatoes, green beans, carrots, cauliflower, chicken. Sometimes, I'll make a beef stew. Sometimes I'll make spaghetti sauce. Again, only homemade. No processed foods. Everything fresh.

After 8 years on omeprazole, I decided to take myself off it and I've never had to take it again. I've been off the omeprazole for over 12 years now. I haven't had any Gerd in 20 years. I can eat Mexican food with no issues, but I won't eat it frequently. I can eat pizza, too, with no issues, but again, I don't eat it frequently, but that's mostly because it's quite fattening. I've found that my system does not like paprika, so I avoid it. Even though I can eat most of the foods I once did, I really choose not to. I changed my entire diet and it's way better than my old diet. I like what I eat, so why go back?