Story That time I was a suicidal teen

[WornOutLife]

On this thread, I had explained to you that I used to be a NEET/Shut-in and many of you had and have a similar experience. Reading your replies has been awesome.

Now, I want to tell you about my experience with suicide when I was just 12-17 and there were no internet (cybercafes existed but even Google's page took ages to load lol) and no places like SS. Of course, I would also like you to share your experiences about your teen years.


Here I go:

I was 12 and high school had started. I was very afraid of it because I would have new classmates and my nightmare became real: I couldn't fit in at all. I just couldn't grasp why they didn't like me. I had lots of friends in my neighborhood so, was I really the problem?

Have you heard of that saying about "First impressions are lasting impressions"? Well, that was my curse, I think, because since the very first day of school I was judged for being shy and they automatically tagged me as the loser who should be ignored. That's the only kind of bullying I received. Nobody would abuse me physically because fortunately, I knew how to defend myself and I used to kick some asses from time to time but that only ended up making me more lonely.

I was just 12 and had to spend hours and hours without talking to anybody from Monday to Friday. I couldn't even focus on the lessons so teachers thought I was pretty dumb.

As I said, there was practically no internet so when I started thinking about suicide I wondered, how can you do it? I wanted to jump in front of a train and I remember standing near the tracks everyday to see if I got the guts to do it.

This was basically my life style until I turned 17 and I became a sociable person and realized that pretending was the key to have a normal life. My classmates were still ignoring me but I met lots of new people from different courses and I stopped feeling lonely.

After that, my life became quite good and I was very happy because I actually had the skills to fit in and make friends and also, according to new teachers (and my marks), I was considered to be kinda smart.

Then, well, lots of things happened but I will probably post that on another thread if this story hasn't bored you lol.

Thanks a lot for reading and now let me ask you:

How were your teen years? What was your life at school like? Were you suicidal since you were a child/teen?

 

[Umbreon]

my depression started when I was 11 and figured out I liked guys and then I developed gender dysphoria. Ever since then various people picked up on it and I was bullied throughout middle school and high school and was also always sleep deprived. I eventually wanted to kill myself in high school because I couldn't handle the social isolation and stress of school and my parents yelling at me for shitty grades anymore.

 

[bloomingdark]

I started being annoyed because I was kind of shy, and really really clumsy, so I used to have a lot of falls and when I started noticing everyone was taking me as the clown of my grade, wherever anyone will see me they would ask me to do this things to laugh when I wasn't doing them intentionally, the reason I was falling so much was an injury on my ancle,i used to hate everyone except my two best friends and by that time i was already dealing with depression and psychosis so I would burst into tears in the middle of the class and had to go to the bathroom because I was to loud with my crisis, I started cutting myself and planning ingesting a lot of pills but ended up chickening, I wish I didn't lmao

I started being annoyed because I was kind of shy, and really really clumsy, so I used to have a lot of falls and when I started noticing everyone was taking me as the clown of my grade, wherever anyone will see me they would ask me to do this things to laugh when I wasn't doing them intentionally, the reason I was falling so much was an injury on my ancle,i used to hate everyone except my two best friends and by that time i was already dealing with depression and psychosis so I would burst into tears in the middle of the class and had to go to the bathroom because I was to loud with my crisis, I started cutting myself and planning ingesting a lot of pills but ended up chickening, I wish I didn't lmao

We can say I am still a suicidal teen since I am 18 turning 19 idk if that counts, i hope I don't make it that far

 

[nolongerhuman]

The suicidal thoughts started at about 13-14. School gives me purpose but also exacerbates all of my mental health problems for a variety of reasons and it wasn't much different as a teenager. I was pulled out of school for a month in high school and put in outpatient therapy; the program was bullshit and all I really remember from it was this bizarre video about "victory body language". I was fortunately still able to graduate on time.

The world really isn't kind to suicidal and mentally ill children. All symptoms of mental illness are treated as disrespect or misbehavior and the child is treated with anger and coldness instead of compassion. There's an unfortunate tendency in adults to try to just make the kid stop acting the way they don't like instead of asking why they're acting like that.