That overwhelming wave of anxiety~

[catmom13]

I am medicated for BP2, but I still get a lot of anxiety, especially in my depressed state. My arms feel very tingly, my chest heavy, I have a lingering tension headache, and I feel very, very afraid of some invisible force that I can't explain. It's been around for so long that I don't think my body wants to waste energy on it. I want to cry, but I physically cannot get myself to cry despite the overwhelming emotions bubbling beneath the surface. My meds dull my emotions and I can't feel the any of the feelings that my brain knows I'm having.

Work has been awful; it's the same old routine but my brain won't cooperate and I take more breaks and get way less done.

I can't even enjoy Animal Crossing. I had big plans for my island but now I can't play for more than 10 minutes at a time.

I have to study and do homework. I can't mess up because I want to switch fields, so I try to chip away on it every night at least.

Not even the thought of CTB is comforting me right now. All I can do is coast until it's sleep time, then delay my wake-up time as I dread the day all over again.

How are you guys doing?

 

[Deleted member 17331]

I remember when I was taking antipysychotics, antidepressants and mood stabilizers, none of them helped me and I had no information about my diagnosis (the doctors didn't tell me why I took them). I felt very tired and without emotions, although without them I have a lot of intense emotions and it hurts a lot. Honestly, I think psychiatric drugs suck, they only brought me addiction and physical problems.

I feel that human pain has no cure.

 

[terry_a_davis]

@catmom13 I can only speak for myself but anti psychotics got rid of my bouts of anxiety which were a symptom of schizophrenia. I took paliperidone for just over 2 years and risperidone for about 6 months, i dont take any meds now and i'm ok still. my experience of it does make me wonder how many people are taking anti psychotics, are symptom free, and would be ok to come off them considering they may have side effects? i suppose some people don't want to risk relapse.
what meds have your tried OP?

 

[Azagorod]

I feel like I can't enjoy stuff anymore, I used to be a huge gamer and now I just hates every single one of my games.
There's also the thing where the subjects that I'm interested in are not the ones I need to work in to validate my year so even when I get a bit or productivity out, I feel guilty about it because it's not "optimal productivity". Other than that, somewhat okay overall I guess ?

 

[timf]

Anxiety is a tricky situation as it can have biological contributors as well as situational and attitudinal contributors. The general key to managing anxiety (other than medication) is to experiment with approaches that elevate a sense of control.

This sometimes develops in a negative way such as with eating disorders or things like cutting. However for an example sometimes people on the Autism spectrum (also known for problems with anxieties) make use of rituals.

A person may find that if they do a certain ritual, that they experience a reduction in anxiety because of the corresponding increase of a feeling of control. One potential problem with rituals is that they can creep others out or become so fixated that if they are interrupted, the world can seem to come crashing down. One fellow came to play a particular record every night just before bedtime so he could get to sleep, then he lost the record.

Just the process of experimenting can provide a certain degree of control and help to somewhat reduce feeling of anxiety.

 

[catmom13]

I remember when I was taking antipysychotics, antidepressants and mood stabilizers, none of them helped me and I had no information about my diagnosis (the doctors didn't tell me why I took them). I felt very tired and without emotions, although without them I have a lot of intense emotions and it hurts a lot. Honestly, I think psychiatric drugs suck, they only brought me addiction and physical problems.

I feel that human pain has no cure.

I feel the same way sometimes. I'm too scared to get off because of withdrawals, and knowing that no matter how bad I feel on meds, it's likely to be worse when I'm off them. I had a period without meds and the only thing that made me wake up everyday was the constant pressure and stress from work. I hit a snag and then tried to overdose because my focus got derailed.

I agree with you. We can only make ourselves feel better, but the pain is always there.

@catmom13 I can only speak for myself but anti psychotics got rid of my bouts of anxiety which were a symptom of schizophrenia. I took paliperidone for just over 2 years and risperidone for about 6 months, i dont take any meds now and i'm ok still. my experience of it does make me wonder how many people are taking anti psychotics, are symptom free, and would be ok to come off them considering they may have side effects? i suppose some people don't want to risk relapse.
what meds have your tried OP?

Currently I'm on lithium, quetiapine, and lamotrigine. I've been on this cocktail since last year. I can remember trying: gabapentin, celexa, ambien, abilify(fuck this one), ativan. There may be more, but I've had so many combinations over the years. Abilify stands out because it gave me psychotic symptoms, very very heightened anxiety(almost to the point of paranoia), and it made me want to die(on top of my regular suicidal ideations).

I'm been on a depressive episode for at least a month and a half according to my mood tracking app.

Anxiety is a tricky situation as it can have biological contributors as well as situational and attitudinal contributors. The general key to managing anxiety (other than medication) is to experiment with approaches that elevate a sense of control.

This sometimes develops in a negative way such as with eating disorders or things like cutting. However for an example sometimes people on the Autism spectrum (also known for problems with anxieties) make use of rituals.

A person may find that if they do a certain ritual, that they experience a reduction in anxiety because of the corresponding increase of a feeling of control. One potential problem with rituals is that they can creep others out or become so fixated that if they are interrupted, the world can seem to come crashing down. One fellow came to play a particular record every night just before bedtime so he could get to sleep, then he lost the record.

Just the process of experimenting can provide a certain degree of control and help to somewhat reduce feeling of anxiety.

You hit it right on the head with the rituals. I've never seen it explained this way, thank you so much.

I'm a cutter. I buy razor blades in bulk. I find relief in cutting my skin and watching the blood. During particularly stressful periods where I can't find relief, this provides me an outlet that temporarily vents all my negative emotions and allows me to function a little better the next day.

I'm still looking for a new outlet that is a bit more "positive". Currently it's baking and cooking but it doesn't feel enough.