that is the end of my dating life and my life as i know it

[ever so lonely]

ok guys and gals i hope i dont come across as some type of incel horrible bastard here because i do have a heart and care about people, but here goes so i have been seeing a woman on and off for a little over 8 months now, she is far younger than i so i know how lucky i am, (i am 39 she is 24),or was, 2 months ago i discovered she had been sleeping with a person i know of, he attends the same places i do or some of them at least, i would be lying if i said i hadnt considered homicide towards him, tho only him not her, but i believe that is stupidity it takes two to tango, and i know it wouldnt solve anything, the affair would have still happened regardless, i cant do anything to take it back, my thing is it has destroyed my ability to live even further, my confidence in myself or what was left of it is shattered in pieces, i have diagnosed body dysmorphia, and ptsd, so dont value myself a great deal anyway at the best of times, but her cheating has just really pushed me back towards suicide, heavy, it doest help that she is also expecting, when i ask if the kid is mine she never wants to discuss it, i feel a meany for bringing it up and enquiring about it, but she refuses to discuss and give me honesty, just brushes me off, so i dont know where i stand with that particular issue either, i feel so
overwhelmed, the thought of juggling a half litre of sn down and then waiting for death to take me does seem rather appealing, i do have it with me now at least the sn i mean, 100 g of it, how did i end up in such a shit show not of my own making, i mean i neee strayers, i trusted her to do the correct thing, i dont know why people cheat nor how they justify it if your no happy with the person your with or supposedly with well dump that person then sleep with who you want but DONt string people along on your facade, that is why i dislike cheaters in general, they give no fucks to those they harm along the way, the epitome of selfish, the only thing i asked was for loyalty which i was myself, age gap or no age gap, so to round off and in closing we have not spoken since the discovery of the cheating she is expecting a kid god knows who the dad is me or other lover boy, and also to add to the shit sandwich my suicidal tendencies and ramped up some, this situation has been ongoing for quite a whil now, she is pretty far along in her pregnancy, tho i no sure exactly how far along because we no longer on amicable talking terms, i am frightened or part of me is too, i want to do the right thing but i just dont know what that entails, anyhoo sorry guys for this rambling, i just so seriously wish to die and end this torture. i dont know where to turn peeps, i feel like peoples doormat at this point, they seem to want me when convenient or when there is something in it for them, and then ditch me as soon as the going gets tough ?, anybody else relate ?.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Sorry man, that's awful. My girlfriend snogged someone else and has said many times I make her miserable but I just have to put up with it because I can't afford to live by myself and she won't dump me. I only wanted some real love too but like you more or less gave up on it after everything I've been through with various partners. Well, maybe "gave up on it" is a bit strong. But I am cynical about everything now and take things with a big grain of salt.

I wish for your sake you had been a bit more careful with sex, the pregnancy situation is not good. Once the kid is born you may be able to get a court-ordered paternity test. In the meantime I would hang back and not actively pursue love. Give it a rest and be kind to yourself. Sometimes we find something (good) when we're not expressly seeking it out.

It certainly does seem to be common to take off when things get difficult nowadays but I suppose that's to be expected. Most people can support themselves and have no real incentive to stay and work through a difficult situation. Maybe in a way that's a good thing, but it doesn't really lend itself to old-school relationship longevity. Not that that was all that great either, with people being forced to duke it out because of circumstances keeping them together.

Anyway, I hope you feel better soon. Maybe get yourself a pizza and some beers and watch the telly. Or does that only work for me?

 

[ever so lonely]

thank you angst bro your among the nicest people on here but there are lots of nice people here too, best community ever, genuinely always offering advice to people i appreciate it bro you know i may take you up on that offer a pizza a bevvy and a fuck it care free attitude lol, tho it have to be a mini pizza as i spent most of my money on the sn, i keep looking at it thinking damn bro you could snuff me out quick time al i have to do is drink, but i am scared too, the feeling most scary with suicide is say if you guzzle it then regret it in your final moments, and go into panic stations mode, the thought of that being our final moments on this earth is nightmare fuel, i have heard of a faster heart rate which also terrifies me, swigging it and spending the final moments like that sounds horrific prob what stopped me upto now, but it is already too late i fear that so much, thanks bro i have suggested doing a test and even offered to pay and asked is that no reasonable ?, she kinda shrugged her shoulders and ignored me, i am sorry you too have been through crap with exes bro, but at least you can laugh it off and move forward, your stronger than me my man, much stronger, your on the money with everything you say, just distractions to try and forget the situation, i dont think it is over tho esp when she has the kid shit could hit the fan, i can only be there and offer support the only reason i went with her unprotected was because we were in a commited relationship, but in a way i wished i hadnt now, have you given up dating angst ?, i have heard many men have recently, and women too, maybe in the old days people had to stand by eachother due to social norms and peer pressure but most of that has been done away with now, people are footloose and fancy free lol, thanks brother for the advice pizza it is and a bottle of diet coke lol, fuck the problems leave em at the door lol, thank you angst and hope you too are doing ok my friend, your made of strong stuff mate, me i feel like a complete loser lol and thank you so much for the guidance
it is world cup too third place play off and final lol

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

What you describe there is something I've thought about often - what it would actually be like to down that stuff. Your heart will race, you will panic, and you will feel the finality of it all. You will be dizzy, and nauseous, and god knows what else. This is why I know I'm too chicken shit to go through with it any time soon. People will say "so what, it's the last thing you'll ever do" but that's a strawman.

My relationship is sexless, contactless etc. There's nothing to it anymore. Everything is divided and we are just roommates but we do all the regular everyday stuff together. Very strange. I'm powerless to change it though. My fatigue is worsening too, to where I don't (can't) do much of anything anymore either. So life is just passing me by every day and I'm more tired and out of it as the weeks go on. I can't recover and things can only get worse, so there can't realistically be any dating after this. Irrespective of how I feel emotionally, my body is deteriorating, this year more than ever. Something like a shower will knock me out for the rest of the day.

Hope the world cup is a bit of amusement at least. I've hardly been able to watch it because America is anti football. Well, except for the football which you play with your hands, which should not be called football.

 

[ever so lonely]

everything you said there mate i can relate to, just watching this shitshow pass you by, no motivation to turn it round or even want to change it, what does turning it around even mean at this point ?, being stuck in a dead end job you cant wait to be shot of, where your under appreciated and easily replaced ?, i think it dawns on you that success is overrated, if it wasnt there wouldnt be numerous high profile celebrities topping themselves en masse, and they have the wealth and stability to back them up, i dunno what that says about us bro, steve bing and robin williams really struck a chord for me, in particular, but there has been so many, you also realise next to nobody is happy or even content buds, we all be trying to bring eachother down, for the most part, it is a giant dick waving contest, look at me, look at me and what i achieved, i say to
them who cares we are going out a similar way, 6 feet under, whether your a multi millionaire or a homeless person, people always feel the need to shit on us bro, i dont mean on here but out there for sure, so like you mate i just stay to myself, a virtual recluse, a little nobody homebody, not that anybody wants anything to do with me also, i havnt received a txt from anybody in years, we can just let the rat race go from crazy to crazier and just silently rot away, this dating thing was the only time i put myself out there in around 4 years, and look how that ended, sounds similar for you bro, it is al so overrated buds, at least the sn is here should i choose to opt out, not having that as an option sends me into a panicky state just as much as going through with it, i can really relate to what your saying mate, it seems on here tho we are just way more open about it, no wonder they trynna shut us down, it isnt enough that they dont want to hear it, they wont even let us have a little dialogue about it, not content with that approach, they wont even let us have our little dialogue here on our very own little out the way community, where we are harming nobody but ourselves, i noticed that out there this type of discussion is almost off limits and taboo, this life is truly rediculous tho, nothing about it has any joy, do you feel that mate ?, like not even sex is really enjoyable no matter how spicy it is, it is just mundane, mediocre, and repetitiveness, and then we croak, i dont understand the point of it all mate, where do folk find purpose ?, i question that daily, like why are we even here ?, suffering as we are ?, it doesnt add up, the football pissed me off too when england went out as they always do lol, flatter to deceive every time, you get used to it being an england follower, but jokes aside mate do you mean nfl ?, like grid iron ?, am quite into that play, madden on the xbox now and again and the super bowl lol, take care mate we gots to find enjoyment somehow somewhere, i think most of the thins we are brought up to believe in is based on absolute bollocks, i think just most of us are seeing through it now, probably now more than ever, in this information tech age, take care bro and thanks again, and hope you find some comfort moving forward, the sn method is scary tho, i wish i could access n but i hear that is unavailable no matter where in the world you are, truly horrible how we are forced to endure, i guess it is a better method than most, i see some on here mention going out by train and honestly bro i dont have the courage for that, that takes some bottle to go through with that i think, so much courage to go out that way, take care bro and thanks for the advice today, i uber appreciate it mucker

 

[wantittoendsoon]

I would throw in some support but looks like angst has got you covered, well done.

 

[ever so lonely]

thanks brother how you getting on wantittoendsoon bro i hope your ok

 

[Zegers]

I'm sorry man. People are opportunistic in general, even in a subconscious way.