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I

It’s Time To Go

Member
Mar 9, 2022
33
There's nothing quite like it.

OCD commands/tactics: Gone.

Ruthless fear of anxiety: Gone.

Complete and utter sadness of depression: Gone.

Once you've reached that phase of acceptance, of submission, everything flatlines.

It's the most relieving feeling I have ever experienced (and I've been here a few times!)

I believe it's the stage at which we are detaching from this world, and embracing the next.

There really is nothing else like it.
 
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jimmy7754

jimmy7754

I just want to be myself again
Dec 15, 2021
508
I just want to slip into a nice brand new coat..
 
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Seafoam

Seafoam

Student
Jun 26, 2020
103
I guess ctb gives us the chance to take back control of our lives
 
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I

It’s Time To Go

Member
Mar 9, 2022
33
I guess ctb gives us the chance to take back control of our lives
Control is the key word.

Although, I can only speak for myself, I'm not living.

I'm suffering, existing at best.
 
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AnestheticVoid

AnestheticVoid

❤️ Dissociatives ❤️
Feb 17, 2022
273
I hope I can feel that way when I ctb.

I think my best chance for that calmness would be to dose benzos and ketamine. Maybe a couple oxys too. But I'm a hopeless addict so it's only fitting. Part of me wants to be able to do it sober tho.
 
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I

It’s Time To Go

Member
Mar 9, 2022
33
I hope I can feel that way when I ctb.

I think my best chance for that calmness would be to dose benzos and ketamine. Maybe a couple oxys too. But I'm a hopeless addict so it's only fitting. Part of me wants to be able to do it sober tho.
That was my preferred method.

Now that my substances have been confiscated, I'm having to switch to a more violent/brutal exit.

But everything you want is on the other side of fear. There comes a point where you have to decide that you want it, more than you are afraid of it.
 
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Sunset Limited

Sunset Limited

I believe in Sunset Limited
Jul 29, 2019
1,352
It may be the only moment when we can truly take initiative in our own lives. The idea of destroying everything that hurts me motivates me.

"The one who commits suicide becomes, for a brief moment, a god who can destroy the entire universe with divine omnipotence."
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,311
I wish that I could experience that, all I want is to pass away peacefully yet I am trapped in this world as it is so difficult to leave. I want to feel calm before I die, I want to feel relieved that all the suffering is coming to an end and I will finally be free from this horrible world.
 
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I

It’s Time To Go

Member
Mar 9, 2022
33
It may be the only moment when we can truly take initiative in our own lives. The idea of destroying everything that hurts me motivates me.

"The one who commits suicide becomes, for a brief moment, a god who can destroy the entire universe with divine omnipotence."
"The one who commits suicide becomes, for a brief moment, a god who can destroy the entire universe with divine omnipotence."

I fucking LOVE that!

Stolen, sorry.

I may even use it when I go. Knowledge is worthless if not shared.

I wish that I could experience that, all I want is to pass away peacefully yet I am trapped in this world as it is so difficult to leave. I want to feel calm before I die, I want to feel relieved that all the suffering is coming to an end and I will finally be free from this horrible world.
It's all a state of mind.

Just because one's chosen method of exit is brutal, doesn't mean you can't experience a moment of calmness.

I'm guessing you've never attempted before?

It's quite surreal.

Something comes over you. Call it spiritual, if you will.

The mind can conquer anything, especially when it knows that the end of the pain is imminent.
 
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Sunset Limited

Sunset Limited

I believe in Sunset Limited
Jul 29, 2019
1,352
"The one who commits suicide becomes, for a brief moment, a god who can destroy the entire universe with divine omnipotence."

I fucking LOVE that!

Stolen, sorry.

I may even use it when I go. Knowledge is worthless if not shared.
Hahaha enjoy it man. It is really strong.

It's interesting, but for CTB, it's when I'm the bravest when I'm the most angry. The idea of CTB scares me when I'm depressed. If there was a way to impulsively CTB, I'd be dead by now. I'll probably feed myself with anger when the "moment" comes.
 
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I

It’s Time To Go

Member
Mar 9, 2022
33
Hahaha enjoy it man. It is really strong.

It's interesting, but for CTB, it's when I'm the bravest when I'm the most angry. The idea of CTB scares me when I'm depressed. If there was a way to impulsively CTB, I'd be dead by now. I'll probably feed myself with anger when the "moment" comes.
From my own experience, anger is a very powerful tool when attempting to CTB.

I have what I call "The Bank." When someone hurts me, or says something hurtful, it goes in TB. All of the bad things that have happened to me, and all of the evil things I have witnessed, go in TB.

When the time comes (for an attempt) I simply call upon The Bank.

It's a great method of overcoming SI. That, music, and alcohol!
 
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hankbank3928

hankbank3928

Student
Dec 30, 2021
186
I can definitely relate.

I like your words too, thnx for posting
 
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Foresight

Foresight

Enlightened
Jun 14, 2019
1,393
I haven't felt it in years but I remember it. It didn't last closer to the day though, hence why I'm still here.
 
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notaboutangels

notaboutangels

Member
Feb 26, 2022
55
Even before my thoughts became serious, I would tell myself I could just kill myself when things got too hard and I felt an instant relief.
 
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Sadism

Sadism

Member
Oct 11, 2021
19
100%.

I feel so peaceful right now knowing that I'll soon be gone. No amount of benzos gave me this feeling.
 
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ikadasui

ikadasui

Arcanist
May 29, 2018
464
I thought it was for me today honestly. It was calm, then terrifying and then acceptance. I had my gun in my coat pocket and my magazine in my pant pocket and was going to go walk to the spot, but fatigue put me to sleep and when I woke up that resolve had gone
Hahaha enjoy it man. It is really strong.

It's interesting, but for CTB, it's when I'm the bravest when I'm the most angry. The idea of CTB scares me when I'm depressed. If there was a way to impulsively CTB, I'd be dead by now. I'll probably feed myself with anger when the "moment" comes.
Yeah I get this way too. I'm trying to be careful though as sadly in recent days I'm pretty quick to anger and I'd never want to off myself because of a spark of anger towards someone and have them live with that guilt though I don't know if they'd care. Or maybe I'm just using it as an excuse to not go through with it
 
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Insomniac

Insomniac

𝔄 𝔲 𝔱 𝔦 𝔰 𝔪
May 21, 2021
1,357
Calmness isn't exactly what I feel.i feel like a beautiful brand new pair of shoes thrown away to garbage because it doesn't fit well enough
 
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jawdropped123

jawdropped123

Experienced
Mar 19, 2022
219
"The one who commits suicide becomes, for a brief moment, a god who can destroy the entire universe with divine omnipotence."

I fucking LOVE that!

Stolen, sorry.

I may even use it when I go. Knowledge is worthless if not shared.


It's all a state of mind.

Just because one's chosen method of exit is brutal, doesn't mean you can't experience a moment of calmness.

I'm guessing you've never attempted before?

It's quite surreal.

Something comes over you. Call it spiritual, if you will.

The mind can conquer anything, especially when it knows that the end of the pain is imminent.
Isnt that psychosis?
 
OnlyWinOnce

OnlyWinOnce

Member
Mar 19, 2022
27
I've not the means currently to die, but I always feel a greater measure of peace when I think of death. All of life's woes, the pain and suffering, the worrying—all gone, even for a brief moment. It feels very freeing.
 
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