Thanks, pro-lifers!

[Sprite_Geist]

The pro-life mindset is a contradiction. If a person really cares about the lives of those around them, and wishes to promote life over death, then they should try to support those that are suicidal. This can be partly done by understanding the many different reasons why a person would want to end their lives, and then providing a solution or giving them the tools neccessary to make the change(s) themself.... But they don't do that. Instead the pro-life movement uses tactics like guilt-tripping as Hasssssuùuu said above. Making a suicidal person feel guilty for thinking of ending their own lives doesn't help them at all. They are already in a lot of pain - surrounded by dark and negative thoughts; guilt will make them feel even more negative and push them closer to the edge. It's like trying to put out a housefire by spraying the blaze with petrol. The pro-life movement isn't pro-life - it's pro-suffering. They don't want you around they just want you alive.

...Also I want to say something to clear something up about the use of the term "pro-life", because the term can be used a bit too losely. People are sometimes labelled as "pro-life" because they may offer whatever help they can to a suicidal person, but I wouldn't agree that this actually makes them pro-life... As long as their support is non-judgemental, non-coercive and most importantly that they are not against someones choice to end their lives. There's a difference between a person that is totally against suicide, and a person who isn't against suicide but may still want to offer help. Personally I think the term "pro-life" should only refer to those that are anti-suicide and not people who are neutral/pro-choice, but still may genuinely care.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I think that when it comes to the term "pro-life," the issue is, we can label them all we want to as anti-choice or anti-suicide, but they themselves label themselves as pro-life. And some people come onto the forum specifically to serve the agenda that goes with that label, and that agenda is anti-suicide; they don't even consider choice as part of what's going on. They don't show us the respect of talking about us as we talk about ourselves, as pro-choice; they instead call us evil, monsters, etc.

I think they are very attached to the "pro" in pro-choice. It is a message to themselves that they are positive, that they are "for" something, even though all of their actions are in opposition. It feels damn good to feel right, especially when one has felt victimized, and those who love someone who committed suicide can indeed feel victimized by that action. If someone supported that person in their action, then they are transformed into victimizers.



I was part of a group that focused on an issue I have, and I once introduced the idea that suicide is a rational response to consider. The group is extremely conservative, and suicide is officially not considered a valid response to the issue. I was quickly attacked for my statement. I was vehemently told, "We're pro-life!" I said, "I'm not." One of the members said, "Well what are you then? Pro-death??" I said, "No, I'm pro-choice."

Nobody understood. I could feel the cognitive dissonance in the whole group.

Ultimately, I was flat told I didn't belong. But it didn't stop people who have this issue from committing suicide; many already have, and many will continue to. It only stops them from feeling like they belong and are accepted, when the issue is excessively isolating and there are no solutions.

I think "pro-lifers" have cognitive dissonance. They simply can't be wrong. The ones they loved cannot be responsible for harming them with the choice and the act to suicide. For them, there must be someone or something to blame. It can't be them, because they wouldn't murder the one they loved. And even though it was, technically, self-murder, that word has some heavy implications. So there has to be a scapegoat to carry everyone's real or perceived sins. That is so common in suicide.

I myself was scapegoated for my 16-year-old boyfriend's suicide, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to change anyone's mind beyond the few people close to me who already knew the whole story. I was as shocked by his act as everyone else, and he had been planning it since before we even met. But the Greek chorus just pointed their collective fingers at me, and it was hell. I'm talking almost 2,000 people gossipping about me for a year, and continuing sporadically for three more years, no exaggeration.

I no longer live in that hell. I'm no longer 14 years old without the internal or external resources to manage and stand up against that kind of pressure. I will not be guilted nor shamed by people who call themselves pro-life and aggress against us; however, I would gladly talk to them and show them compassion, because I've been there. But I'm not going to take the shit they're slinging, either. They're bullying. They think they're not, and that they're right, and that their actions are justified, and since they feel so right, it can create cognitive dissonance to recognize one has been aggressive and not so right after all. My mother thought she was right when she bullied me and covered my skin in bruises. Bullshit. I call bullshit. Bullying bullshit.

Now, we can have dialogues and listen to each other, or they can keep slinging shit, but I am already shielded. That's why I said to fellow members in the OP, don't let this get to you.

 

[K-O]

It wasn't until I was in my 40s that I learned to stop trying to control people and started listening to them

.......................better late then never?...
i also came across the definition "pro choice" only here but i have always been pro choice in every way.. maybe too much.
i guess when youre so ego driven you need to learn to change your pov and listen look and open your heart and mind and thats really good! i hope you could encourage other pro lifers to go the same!
im built totally different..
ive always been allergic to egomaniacs cause that Leeds to bullying and fascism.. pro-life pro-death.. whatever.. its all bout winning and self indulgences.. theres a thin line between these defenestrations tbh..
(is change possible?..)
its all a question of kindness and ego less acceptance .. love- imo..
pro choice=love
x

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

better late then never?...

Absolutely!

I'm grateful I grew and changed for the better. It was hard work, and so worth it.

That's one reason why I won't play the role of judge and executioner. I just won't take shit, either, and I respect anyone who never took shit off of me back when I was slinging it around.

 

[K-O]

at the end of the day our life is ours.
but in desperate times everything is so fragile..
ss imo is that warm un judgemental hug you need when you cannot be strong enough to jungle outside and keep you face on..
pro choice\love is all bout listening excepting every ones truths..
and by that providing you with the strength to feel comfortable and chose what ever and also to feel free to change your heart and mind..
when someone is\feels under attack his colors change and a safe haven is all about letting yourself rest and except your self.. so you could try to be fair to yourself..
that kind of important mental space is so hard to reach and is so rare..
thats why ss is v important.. its a huge tits mama hug one desperately needs when all else fails.. it can be a life and soul saver doesnt matter what your self inflicted actions may be..
every one deserves an ss hug.

 

[Step40]

I was a prolifer now I'm pro choice.
I've been there done it, I will openly admit that I was convinced that if I studied counselling that I could successfully eradicate suicide from the world, as a fitting tribute to someone who was simply not for this world. I blamed society I blamed other kids in school, I even blamed my own mother for taking ill, I never once blamed my brother I seen him as a victim and myself as an even bigger one.
But as I looked into the suicidal mind it's not so black nd white it's complex and sad and utterly unfair to the individual. I was merely an onlooker in his life.
don't get me wrong I miss him but I respect him. He was only 16 and hung himself, that takes A lot of courage and he was intelligent and knew what he was doing.
I will not dishonour him by trying to save the world instead I find myself in the same place as him at times and I'm glad he is not suffering for the sake of me or his family, it's because I love him that I quite simply have let him go.
I hope I don't upset anyone here, I'm just explaining my own situation and what helped change my situation. I actually took the time to try and understand what was going on. I'm so glad I don't feel like saving the world anymore

 

[rhiino]

@Step40 I wished my family was like you are, not judging me and accepting that I cannot suffer for the sake of their emotional welfare.

 

[jgm63]

I succeeded!

LOL. Correct use of the past tense.
You succeeded until posting that you had.....

 

[idontwannadothisanym]

I can't stop crying someone message me but on mail thing I got banned not crying about being banned that's for bitches I cry for my dog nova I'm gonna miss her so much please help

 

[K-O]

I can't stop crying someone message me but on mail thing I got banned not crying about being banned that's for bitches I cry for my dog nova I'm gonna miss her so much please help

what happened mate?

 

[idontwannadothisanym]

message me please :,( I'm ctb tomorrow but I'm gonna miss Nova I love her so much
I save her from RSPCA dog shelter now I'm just abandoning her like she was in the first place she's got my dad but I love her and she loves me too even though I annoy the shit out of her I fucking love her so much
IM SO SELFISH