thank you

[ariadna]

ironically, this forum may be saving my life. being able to express myself openly and explore suicide methods has led me to realize that I don't really want to die, at least not yet. life isn't impossible, it just feels that way right now. my work situation is most likely the culprit, as well as bipolar disorder.

today i meant to overdose on benadryl and alcohol, but i ended up feeling scared to buy enough pills to actually ctb, walked out with a pack of 24 and a few beers. what i really want, i understand now, is to make the shit stop. i'll probably go to sleep for most of the day and ask to be hospitalized tomorrow. i'm making things worse for myself by not asking for help and refusing to admit that my job is too exploitative to work for me (I'm a first year teacher).

this forum has also kept me from impulsively trying any method, especially hanging, which would be easy for me to access. I can't imagine how horrible it would be to suddenly regret my decision but be unable to release myself from the rope. I really appreciate everyone here being so open, honest, and objective. it shows that you truly care, which is what everyone needs in a situation like this. wishing you all the best

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I understand you perfectly. This forum also brings me a sense of relief and calms me down because I see that I am not the only one who feels this way and the community in general is so supportive and kind. It's nice to be able to vent with those who understand us. The loss of my mental health was also partly due to my first job in the field until I decided to put in a medical leave for 1 month and try to get another job. But moral of the story, absolutely nothing is worth our mental health because without it we can't do anything. And there are many jobs out there, we are never irreplaceable in a certain position. So I think you're thinking right. Try to put in a sick leave and to do some psychotherapy too. I hope things get better and if you ever want to get something off your chest, you can PM me anytime.

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that if people ctb impulsively, there is a higher chance of failure. I would only ever ctb personally, if I was certain that it would succeed. I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[OldDrummer]

We're all here for each other, dude.

Not sure what I'd do if I didn't have SS to drop into each day. Ironically, it's saving my life.

 

[Al_stargate]

Sometimes just reaching this point helps to release the frustration. Talking to like-minded people works better than the best therapist in the world. Hope you can get help and be well again.

 

[Chiisai]

ironically, this forum may be saving my life. being able to express myself openly and explore suicide methods has led me to realize that I don't really want to die, at least not yet. life isn't impossible, it just feels that way right now. my work situation is most likely the culprit, as well as bipolar disorder.

today i meant to overdose on benadryl and alcohol, but i ended up feeling scared to buy enough pills to actually ctb, walked out with a pack of 24 and a few beers. what i really want, i understand now, is to make the shit stop. i'll probably go to sleep for most of the day and ask to be hospitalized tomorrow. i'm making things worse for myself by not asking for help and refusing to admit that my job is too exploitative to work for me (I'm a first year teacher).

this forum has also kept me from impulsively trying any method, especially hanging, which would be easy for me to access. I can't imagine how horrible it would be to suddenly regret my decision but be unable to release myself from the rope. I really appreciate everyone here being so open, honest, and objective. it shows that you truly care, which is what everyone needs in a situation like this. wishing you all the best

Its not ironic. This is a pro choice forum afterall. Majority of the people I interacted with here never encouraged others to CTB but rather choose to help/provide relief. I know how taxing teaching can be especially when you are so passionate about your job and care a lot about your students' well being which often times not appreciated for I used to be one myself but Im glad you found a sense of relief with your interaction here. I wish that life will turn for the better for you and may you find a job that best cater to your needs and healthy for your overall wellbeing. Wishing you the best in life.

 

[Britvik]

ironically, this forum may be saving my life. being able to express myself openly and explore suicide methods has led me to realize that I don't really want to die, at least not yet. life isn't impossible, it just feels that way right now. my work situation is most likely the culprit, as well as bipolar disorder.

today i meant to overdose on benadryl and alcohol, but i ended up feeling scared to buy enough pills to actually ctb, walked out with a pack of 24 and a few beers. what i really want, i understand now, is to make the shit stop. i'll probably go to sleep for most of the day and ask to be hospitalized tomorrow. i'm making things worse for myself by not asking for help and refusing to admit that my job is too exploitative to work for me (I'm a first year teacher).

this forum has also kept me from impulsively trying any method, especially hanging, which would be easy for me to access. I can't imagine how horrible it would be to suddenly regret my decision but be unable to release myself from the rope. I really appreciate everyone here being so open, honest, and objective. it shows that you truly care, which is what everyone needs in a situation like this. wishing you all the best

It's heartwarming that you thank others for being so open, honest and objective, especially as you demonstrate these qualities yourself. The world needs more people like you!

If your suffering can be handled, there will be plenty of opportunities to experience the happier side of life. With belief, desire and persistence, you can even create such opportunities yourself.

Good luck and keep sharing!